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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Wondering what others would do in this situation

211 replies

farmergirl15 · 08/12/2024 17:46

Person A told person B that their DC was poorly on a Thursday, their DC was off school for two days. There was a weekend away planned with a club.
Person B assumed person A's DC would not be attending as they hadn't been at school and said as much to person A. Person A rang Person B shouting so Person B hung up and informed person C who is in charge of said club. It was originally decided that person a's DC could attend as person a said that their dc wasn't poorly on the Friday, they were off for a family emergency. Then person C made the decision that person A's DC could not attend. Person B messaged person A to let them know and provided contact details for person c. Person A rang person C and shouted at them also.
Persons B and C feel that persons A DC should transfer to a different club, however Person B also feels that the DC shouldn't suffer because of Person A's behaviour.
So AIBU let the DC stay even tho person A has threatened volunteers of the club
Or AINBU transfer the DC out, nobody should be threatened especially when they're volunteering.
Person A and person B are acquaintances at school, person B and C are volunteers.

OP posts:
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Pippyls67 · 10/12/2024 19:23

Op you are a real piece of work. You can’t even see how wrong you were. It’s astonishing the level of your denial!

Whatifitallgoesright · 10/12/2024 15:12

I can't see Person A B and C. Please give them names or my head scrambles.

Nanny0gg · 10/12/2024 14:47

WaylandNewt · 08/12/2024 19:03

but then what should the op have done, said nothing and then did the i told you so after the event and everyone became infected

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No

The organiser should have spoken to the mother and made an informed decision

Nanny0gg · 10/12/2024 14:45

farmergirl15 · 08/12/2024 17:54

That's a good idea thanks. I was helping organise the trip and I didn't want nearly 40 people getting poorly

Was the child infectious?

Nanny0gg · 10/12/2024 14:44

farmergirl15 · 08/12/2024 17:52

I'm person B, I don't want to use names as I don't want any further threats of complaints.

They can be made up...

vivainsomnia · 10/12/2024 14:42

I haven't actually been told what the illness was or wasn't
You are joking? So you automatically decide that it was an illness and one that was contagious. Why?

It could have been an asthma flair up, a slight twisted ankle, a tooth ache, a migraine, but YOU decided to take matters in your own hands and prevent a child who might been very much looking forward to go, and prevent it for no good reason.

People like you are extremely unpleasant. Don't get involved in what you don't know.

sunshinemode · 10/12/2024 14:31

So OP says she doesn't know what the illness was but then decided that it was a contagious illness, that was still contagious on Sat morning. Surely the OP knows that there are some illness that stop being contagious or were never contagious in the first place.

And whether the OP would make her child stay home all weekend due to not being in school on Friday is irrelevant. We can't run groups on the basis of what we would do as parents.

The Mum shouting is also troubling to me. Of course that's not the way to do it but if this is the main thing we look at we are looking at the reaction not the cause ie someone making a very high handed decision about a child's illness and that seems unfair.

FeetLikeFlippers · 10/12/2024 14:10

comedycentral · 08/12/2024 17:53

I find it so hard to read when people use a, b, and c for naming, or 1, 2, 3. Does anyone else feel the same? So sorry, I couldn't follow your story, OP. I hope it ends well for you all, though 🌸

Me too, except I only I got as far as “Person A told person B” before I gave up! Then I scanned the comments to see if it was just me.

EmeraldA129 · 10/12/2024 02:06

farmergirl15 · 08/12/2024 17:56

Personally if my child hadn't been at school before a trip then they wouldn't be going on the trip, if they are well enough for a treat then they are well enough to go to school.

If my child was ill Thursday & starting to feel better Friday, I am stumped as to why I would punish them by not letting them go on a planned trip when they had got better.

your op is so confusing, but you sound like the person that has overstepped here is you.

canyouseemyhousefromhere · 10/12/2024 00:27

Sorry, this reads like a GCSE maths question.

ForkHandlesNotFourCandles · 09/12/2024 23:10

Ireallycantthinkofagoodone · 09/12/2024 18:45

Oh gosh - I remember that question in an exam. I answered ‘Uncle Reg’ - no wonder I failed……..

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@MrsMitford3
i think the answer to you question is
The trains travelling away from London 🥴

howshouldibehave · 09/12/2024 22:22

Person B is a stirrer and I suspect Person A is very aware of this which is why they got annoyed.

Laura95167 · 09/12/2024 22:19

farmergirl15 · 08/12/2024 18:37

What does TLDR mean please?

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Too long didn't read

Laura95167 · 09/12/2024 22:16

farmergirl15 · 08/12/2024 18:09

I never thought of using different names. Thanks I ll consider that in the future.

I know exactly what the family emergency was, because she told me.

So you knew it wasn't illness on Friday?

Laura95167 · 09/12/2024 22:10

Wait - your friends kid was sick, you said oh does that mean they miss their club? And your friend said they were poorly thursday but not friday and shouted at you. So you told on them to the club?

The leader of the club said your friends kid could come, then couldn't. But you decided to tell your friend her kid wasn't welcome and to take it up with the club leader? So they rang the club leader and shouted at them also?

I think this would have been avoided if you had stopped when they said oh they were a bit ill Thursday but Friday there was actually a family emergency. Not sure why you dragged the club into it?

GotToGetDinner · 09/12/2024 20:17

Sunshine1500 · 09/12/2024 20:03

It’s not your business how other parents deal with a child’s sickness, you have no information and you’re not entitled to have information on a family’s personal life, just because your a volunteer at a group activity.
you totally overstepped and shared personal information.
A overreacted but you caused the drama.

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Agree with this

ChocolateAddictAlways · 09/12/2024 20:13

farmergirl15 · 08/12/2024 17:56

Personally if my child hadn't been at school before a trip then they wouldn't be going on the trip, if they are well enough for a treat then they are well enough to go to school.

Okay I haven’t read all the posts so apologies if someone has already said this but I think it depends on whether the trip was within or beyond the school’s guidance on illness e.g my 6 year old’s school has a rule that children must be off for 48 hours from the last instance of vomiting/diarrhoea (I’m assuming all or most schools have the same rule) and must be off for 24 hours following the last fever reading.

If the trip was within those timeframes (which I guess you have no way of knowing) then the parent should have kept the child off but if the last day was genuinely a family emergency…

However no one should have been shouting at you (or anyone else).

GotToGetDinner · 09/12/2024 20:08

I think we are getting person Bs bias opinion. Person B seems to have decided the child cannot attend a weekend activity and that seems to have somehow got communicated to person A. I'd like to know why person A shouted - was person B being a knob? Did person A feel that person B and C were talking about them and don't like them or their child?

I would like to know person As side of the story.

Sunshine1500 · 09/12/2024 20:04

farmergirl15 · 08/12/2024 19:41

I'm off to bed as I've had a busy weekend and I'm exhausted! Looking forward to reading all the comments from people who only think of their own dc and don't consider the implications of the rest of the group. You know the ones who tell school that their child has a temp rather than d & v because they can't possibly look after their own child for a full 48 hours and they would much rather risk making a whole class poorly.
If person a had been honest then this could have all been avoided. I don't give a shit what she does in her own time, and I've got enough on with my own kids than to worry over how people parent their children, but having said this we have to do safeguarding etc and we have to pay attention to communication from parents, and to listen to the children themselves, and REPORT to the appropriate person , which was done.
As I've mentioned before I would do exactly the same again, except I'd ask all parents to report to the group leader that's in charge of the event instead.

You’re still coming across as full of self importance just because you’re a volunteer. Many parents volunteer it doesn’t make you superior. You aren’t even taking any advice that you asked for.

Sunshine1500 · 09/12/2024 20:03

farmergirl15 · 08/12/2024 18:19

There are two groups who have joined together for a weekend away. The child goes to my group, the other group leader was the person in charge of the whole weekend.
The child was fine on Wednesday as was at the group.
I find it strange that others would keep their children off school but then still let them go on a trip.
Once it was ascertained what was actually the illness the child would then be able or not able to attend.
I just personally couldn't send my child away when they'd been off school

It’s not your business how other parents deal with a child’s sickness, you have no information and you’re not entitled to have information on a family’s personal life, just because your a volunteer at a group activity.
you totally overstepped and shared personal information.
A overreacted but you caused the drama.

Pippyls67 · 09/12/2024 19:24

Johndoeskellington · 08/12/2024 18:35

This should have been solely between the parents of the unwell child and the club, no one else. I don't understand the need for the tension and the shouting either.

Because the Op has behaved so spitefully towards As child.

Pippyls67 · 09/12/2024 19:15

farmergirl15 · 08/12/2024 18:03

If I leave then the club will fold, there isn't anyone else qualified to run it, but yeah let's kick me out, the other 29 children can suffer as a result!

You must retrain. You have become a liability I’m afraid.

Pippyls67 · 09/12/2024 19:10

farmergirl15 · 08/12/2024 17:56

Personally if my child hadn't been at school before a trip then they wouldn't be going on the trip, if they are well enough for a treat then they are well enough to go to school.

Who are you to punish this kid. Horrible spiteful behaviour on your part.

venus7 · 09/12/2024 19:08

What did Z think of all this?

Pippyls67 · 09/12/2024 19:07

DoreenonTill8 · 08/12/2024 21:33

Which is quite concerning given As high level of self importance!

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I think you mean B - as in the Op tho don’t you. Don’t want to accidentally give them an impression A was in the wrong and they weren’t eh! They’re deaf enough 😆

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