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Original poster

DP just called DD ungrateful - I’m fuming!

659 replies

Rosettespur · 08/12/2024 17:03

DP and I not on great terms at the moment.

DD is 14 (not his). We live together.

I was in the kitchen folding washing with DD and she mentioned her pj bottoms had faded abit, not in a rude way, just generally.

’D’P then loudly said from the other room ‘so ungrateful’!

I went in and asked who he was talking to, apparently it was DD, he could see my reaction so tried to laugh it off.

DD and I went upstairs for a while, came back down and he wanted me to apologise for ‘over reacting’ to the comment. Adding that he is sick of ‘emotional women’ in the house. He then made some shity comments about ‘don’t even ask me to apologise or I’ll actually laugh’

Suddenly have massive ick and he is sulking

OP posts:
ByQuaintAzureWasp · 09/12/2024 18:55

The man is a waster, youve set your stabdards way too low op - much higher next time!

No cooking, washing, ironing for him
No using any of your things (including cooker/washer/plates/pans/tv/sofa)
Empty the bathroom of all toiletries (use a soap bag)
Give him an empty cupboard in kitchen
Change passwords

Ask your landlord to give you notice to quit and write a new tenancy in your name only ... not sure if it will work but worth a try.

I wish you luck!

Octoberdreaming · 09/12/2024 18:52

Another ‘cocklodger’ complaint thread. There’s been loads recently. Why do women put up with these parasites.

Hopingtobeaparent · 09/12/2024 18:48

Precipice · 08/12/2024 17:12

Of course you're fuming.

Look beyond the specific context of this event to his general attitude: "He then made some shity comments about ‘don’t even ask me to apologise or I’ll actually laugh’" Is this a man you want to spend your life with? This isn't treating you with respect. This attitude reveals that he considers his position to be above yours. It's a framing of entitlement. In normal, respectful relationships, it's normal to sometimes do something not ideally (because of being already annoyed, because we have different approaches than the other person and inadvertently hurt them or make things worse for them) and then it's normal to apologise. He's telling you he considers it beneath him to do that.

In this specific context, he made a snide comment completely unnecessarily to your daughter. Is this how you want your child's home life to look like? To grow into her walking on eggshells and tense up because she expects to hear such comments whenever she voices anything that's not directly positive?

This!!

Berlinlover · 09/12/2024 18:46

I can never understand mothers who move boyfriends into their homes but I’m old fashioned like that.

Oodydoody · 09/12/2024 18:38

Of course he is refusing to leave.
He knew well this day would come.
Hence he insisted on being on the tenancy of a house he contributed nothing towards.
You couldn't make this up.

Can your daughter stay with her father full-time until you can get him out?
She would be better out of this environment.

ElizaJ74 · 09/12/2024 18:27

You being unhappy and wanting to end things then it's the end.
You don't need to justify, he doesn't get to stay to plead his case.
Just keep saying it's over, you don't need to say anything else x

CherryCake88 · 09/12/2024 18:27

Rosettespur · 08/12/2024 17:23

DD heard me go in and correct him straight away and text me later to say thank you for standing up for her but she didn’t really care what he says.

all I ever wanted was my mum to stand up for me. That text speaks volumes!
If you no longer love this man then please get him to leave 🤍🤍

Duckingella · 09/12/2024 18:10

Man on low income living with a family member moves in with a woman with her own home and doesn't contribute to bills or pay rent or equivalent.

Man gets someone to help him care for his own kid EOW.

Funny how this cocklodger has the audacity to call his partners kid ungrateful when someone himself is ungrateful.

Unless he has a golden cock or is a domestic god then I don't see what he's bringing to the table.

YourRubyLion · 09/12/2024 18:04

I mean, the comment he made wasnt that bad on its own. But it sounds like this was the straw that broke the camels back. So if its the lastest in a series of shitty and unhelpful comments and you have had enough, then thats what you need to consider.

Pelsall116 · 09/12/2024 18:02

....he is sick of ‘emotional women’ in the house.
Fine! he knows where the door is!
What a complete t**t

2025willbemytime · 09/12/2024 17:46

Send him to the pub. Pack his stuff. Taxi it to the pub. Get locks changed. Explain to landlord ex is being threatening. He is, with words. If you're friendly with your ex can you get him around to help get rid? Or a burly brother etc.

dominique36 · 09/12/2024 17:39

Never ever ever put a man on your tenancy! The house is a safe place for you and DD and now you’re kinda stuck with him! Please learn from this. . Ps get rid he sounds like a dick!

Calistas · 09/12/2024 17:25

Rosettespur · 08/12/2024 17:31

She really doesn’t care for him tbh. They seem to get on, she is always polite to him but they tend to rub along really

Show quote history

Ah, poor DD. How horrible that she has to 'rub along' with someone in her own home.

Move him out. You don't have to break up the relationship (although he sounds like someone I'd break an ankle to break up with) - but put your DD first and get him out before Christmas. If you know she'd be happier, do it.

ZoeLoey · 09/12/2024 17:22

Yuck. Get rid. Nobody would talk to my daughter like that. Then say we're emotional women. Nope. He'd be gone.

Maray1967 · 09/12/2024 17:19

user2848502016 · 09/12/2024 15:12

Pack his bags and leave them outside the front door.
Tell him you will call the police if he refuses to leave.
Do you have any relatives/friends who might be able to help you? He's more likely to go quietly with other people in the house.

I’d do this. Try to get adult support, preferably male. Remind him that he can’t pay the rent on his own, whereas you did and can do - do there’s no way it will be him remaining. Emphasise that point to the landlord. The landlord obviously knows you were paying before he moved in so it should make sense to him/her.

Move his stuff into the room his daughter uses. Make it clear that he is not sharing your room anymore. It is up to him what he does when she next comes while he’s finding somewhere else, but he’s not sharing your room anymore.

Do no laundry or cooking for him and change the streaming passwords. Basically make his life uncomfortable.

No33 · 09/12/2024 17:16

MiddleParking · 08/12/2024 17:04

Could be worse, could be no man at all.

What 😂

AnonymousBleep · 09/12/2024 17:16

1HappyTraveller · 09/12/2024 16:15

Read through all of your updates.

You’ve split up with him, he doesn’t pay towards the household, he needs to leave. He can go to wherever he lives before or go and bum off someone else 🤷‍♀️

Essentially it’s not your problem nor is it your responsibility to house someone who doesn’t pay their way.

Best of luck OP. Please update us.

It really isn't her problem - but getting him out of the house when he's on the tenancy does make it more complicated!

AnonymousBleep · 09/12/2024 17:14

Just read through all your posts OP. Good luck getting rid of him - of course he's not going to want to leave and have to start paying his own rent and bills etc again. Awkward situation given he's on the tenancy, you don't want him bedding in like a cockroach, so if he won't just go (and I bet he won't) then you might need to starve him out! I've no idea of the legal aspect of getting someone off a tenancy agreement but speaking to CAB and/or a solicitor seems like a good place to start. Sending you strength and positivity!

TrainedByKittens · 09/12/2024 16:59

Rosettespur · 09/12/2024 14:02

Well…he came home from work, begging that things will change and he refuses to give up on the relationship. Stating he doesn’t care if I have given up he is staying put to ‘show me’ how things can be different!

I am now ignoring him. But I honestly have no idea how I am getting out of this tbh

Edited

At least he’s now made it clear it’s the place to stay that is most important to him just in case you were wondering if you’d possibly been a little hasty

TinyFlamingo · 09/12/2024 16:55

Rosettespur · 08/12/2024 21:42

Thank you all for your comments. The sulking continued with ‘It’s mental you are making such a deal of this’ and ‘another evening ruined’

I am so done. But I am also opening my eyes to how brainwashed and gaslit I have been. It’s so insidious, no massive issues like addiction or cheating but lots of negative remarks, lots of ‘why do you need to do that, go there?’ A bit controlling but horrified at the thought of people told he is. Has an answer for everything!

He's the one who made the comments, keeps bringing it up, sulking....but you ruined the evening, got it 🙄

YouknowIknowbest · 09/12/2024 16:43

I’d be concerned about having my daughter under the same roof as him to be honest. Desperate people do desperate things and he obviously has feelings of resentment and disdain towards her. I’m not implying anything particularly sinister, but even screaming and shouting or saying it’s her fault is going to be traumatic if she is around.

DPotter · 09/12/2024 16:30

Definitely change the wifi password

Tell him how much he owes

No cooking, no washing and he's in his DD's room, and no access to the TV.

Sorry - but you'll need to play hardball. Agree with getting lots of friends around.

And tell everyone it's over between you, including the mother of his DD

Terfarina · 09/12/2024 16:23

HPandthelastwish · 09/12/2024 14:34

I'd also be tempted to fill the house with "emotional women" and tell DD she can invite al of her friends for a sleepover and can take over the living room at the weekend.

This! Get your friends round, and DD's, for support and safety, don't be alone with him if you can avoid it. Change the wifi password (assuming you, not he, pays the bill) and otherwise grey rock him.

LivinInYourBigGlassHouseWithAView · 09/12/2024 16:23

It takes 2 to want a relationship. You don't, you're done, so the relationship is over. Make that clear every time he tells you he wants to make it work. THere is nothing to make work any more.

p1l1l · 09/12/2024 16:21

What a loser.

You're doing the right thing op