DP just called DD ungrateful - I’m fuming!

I know. OP, is there definitely nothing more to it?

Tell him to get the fuck out of your house. Freeloading cocklodger.

my golden rule as a single parent was "never move them in". My child was my priority and although i did have relationships I never wanted any of them in our space. Made it so much easier to end things too when they stopped working out

Sick of emotional women in the house? Then point out it's your house (as per your updates) and it's not obligatory that he live in it.

You have lumbered yourself with a cocklodger and by extension have lumbered your daughter. He is throwing his weight around just to mark out his territory as the 'man of the house', insecure because you (as he probably sees it) have the upper hand as it is your home.

I fail to see what is funny about this. Bringing a man into a teenage girl's home is almost always a terrible idea. You haven't prioritised your DD at all have you? I feel desperately sorry for her that you have chosen for this man to be inflicted on her in her own home and safe space.

Honestly OP, just do a better job with your decision making. And realise that whatever decision you make will seriously impact your daughter. Especially a daughter actually watching you choose a man. I think it’s a little different when they grow up with mum and dad already in the house as opposed to actually watching you choose a man, bring him into her home and accept this sort of treatment and contribution from him.
I’ve got two boys and I think it’s my job to teach them how to treat others, especially women. You’ve got a daughter and I think it’s your job to teach her not to accept certain behaviours. But you’re just…. I don’t know, desperate for a man?

Not really adding value to this thread, but years ago I heard a sentence on a TV show where a man is speaking to his dad who had always called him ungrateful growing up.

"Kid's aren't supposed to be grateful. They're supposed to eat your food and break your heart, you selfish dick!"

It isn't Shakespeare, but it's something I've always remembered as I raise my own kids.

Maybe your DH is a selfish dick?

A grown man with a child, who lived with family and a low income who contributes nothing to the cost of running the home he now lives in for free, can’t be the best you can do @Rosettespur .

A fiercely independent woman with a good career and own home must have been like winning the jackpot for Grandpa Joe. His feet are so far under the table he forgot who bought it. Remind him. I wouldn’t care if he has a bionic dick, a 6 inch tongue and can breathe through his ears, he’d be getting the door for Xmas

Hello Random Man

He’s tried all his twatish lines on you. Was in a sulk ( oh diddums) so decided to have a pop at your DD, a 14 year old. What a man ( not)
Your house and Monday’s as good a day as any to change the locks.

You've only just got the ick. Not the low income, not the fact he would be living in his parents' spare room but for you, not the fact your child doesn't care for him (yet you moved him in anyway), not the failure to contribute anything to the household and not his previous conduct of twattery and non apology. What on earth were the good points that allowed you to let this man occupy your house with you and your (reluctant sounding) daughter? Give yourself a shake and sling him out.

On the other hand OP he is a mere guest who has no stake in your home and can be asked to leave at any point.
He will only get more & more resentful at the various ways in which you run rings around him, and more and more threatened by your daughter as she approaches adulthood.

Rings back the horrors of living with my shitty stepdad.

I did anything to get out of that house for any amount of time. Don't make your daughter do the same thing. I've so had many bad experiences and so much therapy cause of this start in life.

Show her what a proper man should behave life to set her expectations high for her own future partners

So this sulking cocklodger lives off you and yet begrudges your child the PJs you bought her?

OP, it’s seriously time to get rid.

She deserves better than to have to live with someone she is indifferent about. That's not family. She sounds lovely, albeit totally desensitised to his tatty behaviour.
Come on OP, you have just 4 more years probably of her living with you. Don't make her count the days until uni because of him.

OP's partner sounds a dick. You are right about teenage DC, though. I moved in with and then married a new DP when my DC were 14 and 17. He was immensely good with them (ex-Youth Worker and candidate for ministry) and they grew to love him so much that his death has devastated both of them. We did buy a house together rather than move into our separate homes, which makes a difference to the dynamics, and is something I would recommend if possible.

Time for him to go.

You are clearly not very smart and fiercely independent as you put it. He's on Low income, lived with family, doesn't pay bills and rude to your child. The only one that looks bad here is you.