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Original poster

DP just called DD ungrateful - I’m fuming!

659 replies

Rosettespur · 08/12/2024 17:03

DP and I not on great terms at the moment.

DD is 14 (not his). We live together.

I was in the kitchen folding washing with DD and she mentioned her pj bottoms had faded abit, not in a rude way, just generally.

’D’P then loudly said from the other room ‘so ungrateful’!

I went in and asked who he was talking to, apparently it was DD, he could see my reaction so tried to laugh it off.

DD and I went upstairs for a while, came back down and he wanted me to apologise for ‘over reacting’ to the comment. Adding that he is sick of ‘emotional women’ in the house. He then made some shity comments about ‘don’t even ask me to apologise or I’ll actually laugh’

Suddenly have massive ick and he is sulking

OP posts:
WearyAuldWumman · 08/12/2024 18:32

Rosettespur · 08/12/2024 18:23

He is on the tenancy 😢 it was my house, I lived here for 5 years, just me and DD, but when he moved in, he wanted the ‘security’ of being on the tenancy and at the time it made sense

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Damn. Have just seen this. You might need to contact Citizens' Advice.

Original poster
Rosettespur · 08/12/2024 18:32

Didn’t mean to drip feed, I came here for the comment initially but people are are more questions which I’m happy to answer honestly as a way of trying to make sense and get things organised.

OP posts:
Onthesideofthespiders · 08/12/2024 18:31

WearyAuldWumman · 08/12/2024 18:30

Police? He's not your husband and he's not paying rent.

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Doesn’t matter. She put him on the tenancy. It is legally his home. No one can remove him. OP can choose to leave though, get herself off the tenancy and let him deal with the rent.

pinkyredrose · 08/12/2024 18:31

Did you post the other day Op?

HPandthelastwish · 08/12/2024 18:31

Onthesideofthespiders · 08/12/2024 18:28

It’e actually his house now. Just as much as hers. Because she added him to the tenancy. She cannot do any of that.

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Well he wasn't when I started typing .. Love a drip feed 😆

WearyAuldWumman · 08/12/2024 18:30

Rosettespur · 08/12/2024 18:19

But realistically, if tomorrow night he does this annoying thing where he sniff laughs and said ‘I’m not going’ what do I actually do?!

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Police? He's not your husband and he's not paying rent.

pinkyredrose · 08/12/2024 18:30

MyPithyPoster · 08/12/2024 18:25

Still change the locks. And if he causes any trouble call the police they will remove him not you and your daughter. He can take you to court if he wants to pursue the matter.

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She can't do that, it's legally his his too.

Dweetfidilove · 08/12/2024 18:30

Rosettespur · 08/12/2024 17:31

She really doesn’t care for him tbh. They seem to get on, she is always polite to him but they tend to rub along really

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I'm more concerned about this than the ungrateful comment.
Some children are ungrateful- maybe she is, maybe she isn't.

More important, is why she's having to rub along with a man she doesn't care for. Why is that necessary? I wouldn't be in a relationship rubbing along anyone, so I'm interested to know why she doesn't have that option.

Donttellempike · 08/12/2024 18:30

GivingitToGod · 08/12/2024 18:20

Could you be over reacting?

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There’s always one 😬

Wheelyfast · 08/12/2024 18:30

MiddleParking · 08/12/2024 17:04

Could be worse, could be no man at all.

Really?!

Onthesideofthespiders · 08/12/2024 18:29

MyPithyPoster · 08/12/2024 18:28

The police absolutely will remove him if he’s causing any sort of a nuisance of himself or threats of violence.

As for the tenancy agreement, does he have a copy of it? If not what tenancy agreement?

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But he hasn’t. And going home, trying to open the door, then knocking on it and telling her to open up won’t be a “nuisance.” The police will not remove him. They will suggest that OP can go elsewhere if she doesn’t want to stay with him but they not illegally evict him for her. He hasn’t done anything for them to remove him.

WearyAuldWumman · 08/12/2024 18:28

tachetastic · 08/12/2024 17:59

Not really adding value to this thread, but years ago I heard a sentence on a TV show where a man is speaking to his dad who had always called him ungrateful growing up.

"Kid's aren't supposed to be grateful. They're supposed to eat your food and break your heart, you selfish dick!"

It isn't Shakespeare, but it's something I've always remembered as I raise my own kids.

Maybe your DH is a selfish dick?

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Aye. There's something similar in "Guess Who's Coming to Dinner". The Sidney Poitier character's father rants about his hard life (as a postman, I think) working to put food on the table. Poitier interrupts him and says something like "You did what you were supposed to do!"

Onthesideofthespiders · 08/12/2024 18:28

HPandthelastwish · 08/12/2024 18:27

-You bag all of his stuff up in black bags, and put it by the front door or in his car if it's available.

  • You get the locks changed during the day so you don't have to worry about him coming back in.
  • You tell him to leave, preferably with someone else there and if he doesn't you ring the police.

He doesn't just get to stay at your house because he doesn't want to leave. Plenty of Travelodges available for him if he's burnt bridges then that's his own fault and he should reflect on that.

Think about how you phrase things. You aren't having a chat. You are telling him to leave. There is no wriggle room. You don't have to have any reason at all to break up with him and don't have to justify yourself.

Personally it may be dark but it's still fairly early I'd do it tonight.

Edited

It’e actually his house now. Just as much as hers. Because she added him to the tenancy. She cannot do any of that.

Wavescrashingonthebeach · 08/12/2024 18:28

Boyfriends come and go, your daughter is for life. I couldn't stay with someone my children actively disliked.
Hope you don't have any hassle getting him out your home.

toucheee · 08/12/2024 18:28

Onthesideofthespiders · 08/12/2024 18:25

Oh FFS. Well, good luck. You’re not getting him out.

You put him on the tenancy when he doesn’t even contribute? And you moved him in because “love” when you’re daughter didn’t even like him and you gave absolutely no thought to that.

You’ll have to give notice and move out I guess. Leave him with the tenancy and start over.

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Steady on! OP needs to speak to the landlord. He or she can perhaps help Op by serving HIM notice.

MyPithyPoster · 08/12/2024 18:28

Onthesideofthespiders · 08/12/2024 18:26

The police will not remove someone from their own home, which they are on the tenancy for. Not unless there is another reason for the call (domestic abuse). The OP will be the one in trouble by the end for illegally evicting him and changing the locks.

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The police absolutely will remove him if he’s causing any sort of a nuisance of himself or threats of violence.

As for the tenancy agreement, does he have a copy of it? If not what tenancy agreement?

WhatColourIsThatBalloon · 08/12/2024 18:27

Onthesideofthespiders · 08/12/2024 18:25

Oh FFS. Well, good luck. You’re not getting him out.

You put him on the tenancy when he doesn’t even contribute? And you moved him in because “love” when you’re daughter didn’t even like him and you gave absolutely no thought to that.

You’ll have to give notice and move out I guess. Leave him with the tenancy and start over.

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Yeah. If he won’t leave probably this tbh.

HPandthelastwish · 08/12/2024 18:27

-You bag all of his stuff up in black bags, and put it by the front door or in his car if it's available.

  • You get the locks changed during the day so you don't have to worry about him coming back in.
  • You tell him to leave, preferably with someone else there and if he doesn't you ring the police.

He doesn't just get to stay at your house because he doesn't want to leave. Plenty of Travelodges available for him if he's burnt bridges then that's his own fault and he should reflect on that.

Think about how you phrase things. You aren't having a chat. You are telling him to leave. There is no wriggle room. You don't have to have any reason at all to break up with him and don't have to justify yourself.

Personally it may be dark but it's still fairly early I'd do it tonight.

MoleAndBadger · 08/12/2024 18:27

Can you speak to Shelter tomorrow and get some advice about the tenancy?

VisitationRights · 08/12/2024 18:27

Please call shelter tomorrow or citizen’s advice, you need proper help since he is on the agreement, that really complicates things.

Onthesideofthespiders · 08/12/2024 18:26

MyPithyPoster · 08/12/2024 18:25

Still change the locks. And if he causes any trouble call the police they will remove him not you and your daughter. He can take you to court if he wants to pursue the matter.

Show quote history

The police will not remove someone from their own home, which they are on the tenancy for. Not unless there is another reason for the call (domestic abuse). The OP will be the one in trouble by the end for illegally evicting him and changing the locks.

Billybagpuss · 08/12/2024 18:26

Rosettespur · 08/12/2024 18:23

He is on the tenancy 😢 it was my house, I lived here for 5 years, just me and DD, but when he moved in, he wanted the ‘security’ of being on the tenancy and at the time it made sense

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How long do you have left, do you think he’ll agree to go amicably

WearyAuldWumman · 08/12/2024 18:26

Rosettespur · 08/12/2024 17:54

No, not directly. He will at times give me £xxx towards a house bill but it’s not regular.

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Making a minimal contribution to expenses, and yet confident enough to criticise your daughter for being "ungrateful" for...?

What a prince.

Fannyfiggs · 08/12/2024 18:26

Cheeky, cocklodging, clueless, childish cunt!!

Good on you for pulling him up straight away. Your daughter will always remember that 💖

CleansUpButWouldPreferNotTo · 08/12/2024 18:25

GivingitToGod · 08/12/2024 18:20

Could you be over reacting?

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HAHAHAHA No! Definitely not!

WTF