DP just called DD ungrateful - I’m fuming!

He's got his feet under the table now
18 months in and the cracks are starting to show by him having a sly dig at your DD then a dig at you because you've pulled him up on it
'Just joking'
No he wasn't, he's seeing what he can get away with
Give it a few weeks, or even Christmas (because, you know 'he's stressed') and there'll be another little snidey remark aimed at her
Your DD sounds a level headed and lovely kid, don't let him change her

We found him!

Oh dear, he played you. Why would someone who isn't paying rent have any right to be on the tenancy? He obviously knows what he is doing. I hope he goes easy.

I do not understand women like OP. You moved a man ino your daughters home, a man she doesn't like. You threw her comfort and security in the toilet for a man.who doesn't pay his way and acts like a massive twat.

You're lucky that all.he did was whine and complain. It could have been so much worse. Fix it, now. And don't do it again

Just pull up your smarty pants and 'lever' him out somehow; no good anyone berating OP for putting him on the tenancy - she did, it's happened, now OP needs to find a way out.

Many here doling out advice will have done, or will likely do similar level mistakes, including myself, because life doesn't always turn out quite as we had planned. Your strength is found in picking up the pieces and getting on with it - within yourself, not in others.

Not sure what else is going on, but I'd sling this one back.

He's sexist and not something I'd want my 14yo exposed to any further.

What an AH!

Your DD might say she's not bothered, just like people who are bullied say, but it's not true. She is affected by his behaviour and who knows what the impact of that will be.

Being on the tenancy doesn't give him more rights than you - speak to your LL.

Living with family and moaning about it, low income so paying nothing and, worst of all, your child didn't really like him.
The subtle pressure until you felt you HAD to 'save' him

Is it so important that you have 'someone' that you end up pretty much paying him to be there? You are worth far more than that.
OP, if you need one thing to motivate you, think about what you are modelling to your daughter.

😂

If you're on a rolling tenancy I'd speak to your landlord and tell them the truth- you're planning t9 break up with him, you pay 100% of the rent and 99% of the bills, and one of you needs to come off the tenancy so you want to sign a new eg 12 month contract. Given you're the only one that can pay to keep the tenancy you'd like him removed. Shouldn't be that hard given you're on a rolling contract. I'd sort that before giving him his marching orders personally.

No man at all would be a significant improvement. Don't Subject your DD to this prick any longer.

You still hold the power here OP. He pays no bills - how is he going to afford the house on his own? I suspect he can't - whereas you know that you can.

So you tell him he needs to leave, because if he doesn't then you will serve notice on the house. You can find somewhere else to live whereas he can't.

Calling them 'emotional women' as a way to put them down and refuse to acknowledge their feelings

His comment about ‘emotional women’, ironically when he’s being bankrolled by a woman.

He sounds uptight but how is this misogynistic exactly

I would recommend contacting women's aid OP.

He's verbally horrible, I would say abusive as his intentions were malicious, and he's also financially abusive to you and your child.

He doesn't pay you any significant contributions and this has a detrimental negative financial impact on you as he's taking advantage of your current tenancy situation.

If he was malicious he could also serve a notice to leave as a joint tenant which would end the tenancy for all of you. My ex did this behind my back.

You need to be put in contact with firms and organisations ahead of your confrontation with him, so that you can get advice about either an occupation order or a court ordered tenancy transfer. I don't have any experience of this and I don't know what the criteria is to meet the requirements for this either, and so I do really recommend contacting organisations like women's aid that can signpost you and you can get proper advice or legal counsel. I'm not a lawyer and my ship sailed before I realised I needed to board when this was me.

You can't change the locks and you can't just pack his bags and oust him, legally. He may claim you've illegally evicted him.

OP I have learnt from bitter experience never to let a man live in your house. It always ends badly. If he was an actual man he'd provide a home for you or would have at least equal to you. There are lots of men who pick up single mums because they know they will move into a comfortable home with everything provided.

Your cocklodger is establishing dominance. He is comfortable enough to double down and demand an apology from you for not accepting his behaviour! Fuck that. Call the landlord ASAP and get him out. Hopefully this is a lesson learned for you.

So you have done this to your daughter?

Then why is he in your house?

The only part of this I'd recommend doing is that he moves into the room his DD has in your home. Everything else - I wouldn't recommend doing at all.

Play your cards really close to your chest. I wouldn't give him an inkling that there is anything wrong (just don't have sex with him and get pregnant) and then when you have all your ducks in a row, I'd present it as a done deal.

If you could, with the agreement of your landlord, you might have to move out (ask friends/neighbours to keep hold of your stuff if needs be) and then after a week or a fortnight, you move back in as a single tenant and sign a new contract with the landlord. That would be a verbal arrangement (so long as the landlord has no issues with it). I'm not sure of the legalities of doing something like that but as you would also be quitting the house at the same time as he would, he can't say that you weren't evicted too. You could, if asked, say that you couldn't find anywhere else and you approached the landlord to see if they had rented the place out yet and they were delighted to have you back, under the proviso that you were the only name on the tenancy.

I moved my partner in 10 years ago got married 6 years ago....he puts more into the pot than i do BUT he is still not on my tenancy, as in his words this was my home before him and if we dont work this needs to stay my home.

Your bloke is a cocklodger and you need to get him out as soon as you can

😅🤣🤣🤣🤣

Agree with all this except don’t put them by the door. Put them outside the door and change the locks tomorrow.

Obviously you don't have a time machine so I don't really understand the point of all the posts pointing out what you should have done differently. You are where you are. You need to have a proper think about what you want. Speak to your landlord. Does your boyfriend have a copy of the tenancy?

@Wigglywoowho posted: "In the meantime I'd change the passwords for everything you pay for that he doesn't contribute to. I'd stop doing, shopping cooking, laundry etc and only do shit for you and your kid."

THIS, ALL of this! If you need to, get a lock and chain for the fridge and cupboards you keep food in. Or lock it up in a tote that can be locked. He can also go and stay in HIS DD's room until it gets sorted. Don't let him into your room.

Take back and reclaim your self-worth and your DD's happiness.