Page 14 | DP just called DD ungrateful - I’m fuming!

Rosettespur · 2024-12-08T17:03:06+00:00

DP and I not on great terms at the moment. DD is 14 (not his). We live together. I was in the kitchen folding washing with DD and she mentioned her pj bottoms had faded abit, not in a rude way, just generally. ’D’P then loudly said from the other room ‘so ungrateful’! I went in and asked who he was talking to, apparently it was DD, he could see my reaction so tried to laugh it off. DD and I went upstairs for a while, came back down and he wanted me to apologise for ‘over reacting’ to the comment. Adding that he is sick of ‘emotional women’ in the house. He then made some shity comments about ‘don’t even ask me to apologise or I’ll actually laugh’ Suddenly have massive ick and he is sulking

Samandytimlucypeterolivia · 08/12/2024 23:13

Major red flag… he’d be out the door sharpish, especially after he said the last thing.

ParsnipPuree · 08/12/2024 23:07

WTAFisthisnonsense · 08/12/2024 17:28

How grateful is he, living in your house?

This!

YouMeandBrie · 08/12/2024 23:06

This reply has been withdrawn

Message withdrawn - posted on wrong thread

GabriellaMontez · 08/12/2024 23:04

Rinkytoo · 08/12/2024 22:05

I’m kinda confused about what he’s implying she’s ungrateful for? His comment doesn’t even seem to fit with what your DD said so it just seems like an excuse for him to be insulting to her.

Agree. It doesn't even make sense. Tosser.

ClareBlue · 08/12/2024 22:57

Yes, but does it need saying over and over again on a thread when the OP has said she realised she made a big mistake.

fullmoonstars · 08/12/2024 22:57

He's testing your boundaries his mask is slipping

Onthesideofthespiders · 08/12/2024 22:56

ClareBlue · 08/12/2024 22:49

Exactly. 90 percent of posts saying why did you do that don't help change anything. We can be fairly sure OP won't do it again so no need to go on. There must be hundreds that have been in same situation so there must be some practical advice that can be given. A plan based on collective experience, so to speak. Kept legal, of course.

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Actually, most people do repeat patterns. They’ll date a similar person, they’ll accept similar treatment because it’s what they’re used to. So it does help to get them to step back, look at their decisions and work out what caused them to behave that way and maybe consider therapy to sort their self esteem issues.

DisabledDemon · 08/12/2024 22:52

MiddleParking · 08/12/2024 17:04

Could be worse, could be no man at all.

How's that worse? Who needs a twat like that?

ClareBlue · 08/12/2024 22:49

TheHateIsNotGood · 08/12/2024 20:37

Just pull up your smarty pants and 'lever' him out somehow; no good anyone berating OP for putting him on the tenancy - she did, it's happened, now OP needs to find a way out.

Many here doling out advice will have done, or will likely do similar level mistakes, including myself, because life doesn't always turn out quite as we had planned. Your strength is found in picking up the pieces and getting on with it - within yourself, not in others.

Exactly. 90 percent of posts saying why did you do that don't help change anything. We can be fairly sure OP won't do it again so no need to go on. There must be hundreds that have been in same situation so there must be some practical advice that can be given. A plan based on collective experience, so to speak. Kept legal, of course.

Confusedmeanderings · 08/12/2024 22:43

F

ClairDeLaLune · 08/12/2024 22:43

If you and he are not on great terms anyway, why are you putting your DD through this? It can’t be a great atmosphere at home. What sort of message is this giving to her - that her mum needs a man so much that she’ll put up with this kind of shit? That her mum isn’t putting her needs first? Time to give up on him OP and for him to move out. For you to not be on great terms after only 18 months - this relationship is going nowhere apart from down the pan.

mcmen05 · 08/12/2024 22:37

If he is not contributing regularly to rent he shouldn't have a say
He is taken the piss get rid and enjoy your Xmas with your daughter

ClareBlue · 08/12/2024 22:30

MyPithyPoster · 08/12/2024 18:28

The police absolutely will remove him if he’s causing any sort of a nuisance of himself or threats of violence.

As for the tenancy agreement, does he have a copy of it? If not what tenancy agreement?

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It's never been said or implied this is the case. It's a difficult situation but you shouldn't just make things up about someone to the police to resolve your issues.

Candy24 · 08/12/2024 22:27

WOW if he is on the tenancy that will be hard to get him out. Im honestly shocked that you would do that seeing as he doesn't pay any rent?

GraySweatpants · 08/12/2024 22:25

What @GreyCloudsAbove has said absolutely!

Hopefully since you’ve been here for 5 years, you would have a good relationship with your landlord and they’re willing to help. Best of luck OP!

SpryCat · 08/12/2024 22:24

He might stick his heels in but he isn’t going to want to pay half the rent and half the bills, I would end relationship now and say as you can’t afford the rent then you will have to be the one to move out. I would speak to landlord about the situation stressing he hasn’t paid any of the rent and hardly contributes to bills

GreyCloudsAbove · 08/12/2024 22:10

Rosettespur · 08/12/2024 21:44

I almost refuse to give up mine and DD’s home. This is our home.

Im speaking to the landlord/estate agent tomorrow about what can be done. I rented alone before so I can’t see it being an issue, I suppose they will say if he agrees to come off it then that’s ok, if not?! Iv been googling occupation orders but need to look more in to if

Edited

If not, then talk to your landlord, get him to serve notice to both of you, he moves out, you start new contract. Hopefully your landlord is reasonable 🤞

Rinkytoo · 08/12/2024 22:05

I’m kinda confused about what he’s implying she’s ungrateful for? His comment doesn’t even seem to fit with what your DD said so it just seems like an excuse for him to be insulting to her.

MyrtleStrumpet · 08/12/2024 22:01

I don't know if he works, but I'd definitely change the WiFi password and not tell him what it is. If he's at home all day he'll miss being able to game or watch porn.

Pussycat22 · 08/12/2024 21:59

Iwrotethelyricstoaxlf soon !

Sunbeam01 · 08/12/2024 21:58

Good luck OP.

Kudos for standing up for your child.

leia24 · 08/12/2024 21:56

TheSilkWorm · 08/12/2024 21:53

Forget about an occupation order, firstly you need a high bar of evidence of domestic abuse to get one, and secondly they are limited to 28 days to give you time to move somewhere else - they aren't used to remove someone permanently from a property.

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The domestic abuse element is right OP and from everything you've shared so far I don't think one could be made however I appreciate there might be lots of info you've chosen not to share. They're usually made alongside a non molestation order.
The 28 day info isn't correct and I think the poster I am quoting might be confused with a DVPO issued by Police to exclude a perpetrator from their home. An occupation order can be 6 months or indefinite and grants long term rights to one party to reside in a property.

TheSilkWorm · 08/12/2024 21:53

Rosettespur · 08/12/2024 21:44

I almost refuse to give up mine and DD’s home. This is our home.

Im speaking to the landlord/estate agent tomorrow about what can be done. I rented alone before so I can’t see it being an issue, I suppose they will say if he agrees to come off it then that’s ok, if not?! Iv been googling occupation orders but need to look more in to if

Edited

Forget about an occupation order, firstly you need a high bar of evidence of domestic abuse to get one, and secondly they are limited to 28 days to give you time to move somewhere else - they aren't used to remove someone permanently from a property.

Doubledded123 · 08/12/2024 21:51

Of course your dd cares, its her homelife. Imagine feeling unsafe at 14. Critiqued in your own home.
She'll be telling her y10 mates tomorrow' what a dick her mums bf is.
Please remove him. He doesn't get to insult you like this.
Its your home.
If he is affecting your mental health- He is not the love of your life.

CatNoon · 08/12/2024 21:48

Rosettespur · 08/12/2024 21:42

Thank you all for your comments. The sulking continued with ‘It’s mental you are making such a deal of this’ and ‘another evening ruined’

I am so done. But I am also opening my eyes to how brainwashed and gaslit I have been. It’s so insidious, no massive issues like addiction or cheating but lots of negative remarks, lots of ‘why do you need to do that, go there?’ A bit controlling but horrified at the thought of people told he is. Has an answer for everything!

Don’t need to have massive glaring issues to still be a shit partner who isn’t adding anything to your (or your daughter’s life). He’s a misogynist, lord of his castle (because it became his as soon as he was allowed to move in, in his mind), with silly little women always squawking about some nonsense or other. What a shit bag.