Page 10 | DP just called DD ungrateful - I’m fuming!

Rosettespur · 2024-12-08T17:03:06+00:00

DP and I not on great terms at the moment. DD is 14 (not his). We live together. I was in the kitchen folding washing with DD and she mentioned her pj bottoms had faded abit, not in a rude way, just generally. ’D’P then loudly said from the other room ‘so ungrateful’! I went in and asked who he was talking to, apparently it was DD, he could see my reaction so tried to laugh it off. DD and I went upstairs for a while, came back down and he wanted me to apologise for ‘over reacting’ to the comment. Adding that he is sick of ‘emotional women’ in the house. He then made some shity comments about ‘don’t even ask me to apologise or I’ll actually laugh’ Suddenly have massive ick and he is sulking

TheSilkWorm · 09/12/2024 15:19

user2848502016 · 09/12/2024 15:12

Pack his bags and leave them outside the front door.
Tell him you will call the police if he refuses to leave.
Do you have any relatives/friends who might be able to help you? He's more likely to go quietly with other people in the house.

That's an empty threat though as police won't attend to kick someone out of their lawful home

user2848502016 · 09/12/2024 15:12

Pack his bags and leave them outside the front door.
Tell him you will call the police if he refuses to leave.
Do you have any relatives/friends who might be able to help you? He's more likely to go quietly with other people in the house.

PinkyFlamingo · 09/12/2024 15:06

Rosettespur · 08/12/2024 17:54

No, not directly. He will at times give me £xxx towards a house bill but it’s not regular.

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Why not though?

TheSilkWorm · 09/12/2024 15:05

LookItsMeAgain · 09/12/2024 15:02

@HPandthelastwish - I did miss that update so thanks for that. I've gone back and read it, thanks.

@Rosettespur - why did you tell him today that you want him out?

He now knows you want him out and can use the same length of time to contact the same people (e.g. landlord or local authority housing or similar) and start tackling the problem but his aim would be to get you out of the place you call home instead of YOU getting him out.

In my opinion,that wasn't a clever decision you made there. There is a reason why women are advised to try to maintain a demeanour of normalcy before leaving an abusive spouse/partner. It's to be able to use the element of surprise and to also be able to leave (if that is what is being advised) without forewarning their partner who could use means to try to stop them from leaving. I'm not suggesting that this bloke would try to stop you leaving, actually he'd probably be delighted if you did as he'd get your house and let the landlord keep charging you rent for it!

If you had an emergency and needed the landlord to fix something (like your boiler or similar) would you have an emergency contact number for the landlord? Could you use that number this time?

Why would he try to get her out when he can't pass an affordability test to maintain the tenancy on his own?

And of course she shouldn't contact the landlord directly. This isn't an emergency. There's not actually anything he can do other than give notice on the tenancy. There's nothing else either of them can do without the other's permission.

LookItsMeAgain · 09/12/2024 15:04

Another thing - not sure if you are on speaking terms with this bloke's Ex, the mother of the child that he sees EOW. If you are, can you let her know that he won't be living with you in the new year and that you're sorry for the upheaval but this is down to him.

Skyrainlight · 09/12/2024 15:04

Well I think we all knew this was coming and he probably was not going to go easy. Thoughts are with you OP. He is now showing you exactly who he is. He doesn't care if you want to break up, he will not move out of your house that you share with your child that you pay for in full. Do not back down. This is not a good man to have around.

LookItsMeAgain · 09/12/2024 15:02

@HPandthelastwish - I did miss that update so thanks for that. I've gone back and read it, thanks.

@Rosettespur - why did you tell him today that you want him out?

He now knows you want him out and can use the same length of time to contact the same people (e.g. landlord or local authority housing or similar) and start tackling the problem but his aim would be to get you out of the place you call home instead of YOU getting him out.

In my opinion,that wasn't a clever decision you made there. There is a reason why women are advised to try to maintain a demeanour of normalcy before leaving an abusive spouse/partner. It's to be able to use the element of surprise and to also be able to leave (if that is what is being advised) without forewarning their partner who could use means to try to stop them from leaving. I'm not suggesting that this bloke would try to stop you leaving, actually he'd probably be delighted if you did as he'd get your house and let the landlord keep charging you rent for it!

If you had an emergency and needed the landlord to fix something (like your boiler or similar) would you have an emergency contact number for the landlord? Could you use that number this time?

PinkyFlamingo · 09/12/2024 15:00

MiddleParking · 08/12/2024 17:04

Could be worse, could be no man at all.

Are you being serious?

LetGoLetThem1234 · 09/12/2024 14:58

But he has rights to the property as his name is on the tenancy.

Fannyfiggs · 09/12/2024 14:56

allthemiddlechildrenoftheworld · 09/12/2024 14:50

@Rosettespur Pack his bags and put them outside the door. tell him to pick them up on the way out. If he has no rights in the house just change the locks when he goes to work, and dont let him into your bedroom on any account, his stuff should be out anyway!

This. 100% this.

Get. Him. To. Fuck.

Cheeky cocklodging bastard 🙄

DragonGypsyDoris · 09/12/2024 14:53

Some people are bigger, some people are smaller, quite a number of bigger people are in denial about their weight.

allthemiddlechildrenoftheworld · 09/12/2024 14:50

@Rosettespur Pack his bags and put them outside the door. tell him to pick them up on the way out. If he has no rights in the house just change the locks when he goes to work, and dont let him into your bedroom on any account, his stuff should be out anyway!

LivingDeadGirlUK · 09/12/2024 14:44

SalsaLights · 09/12/2024 14:21

Oh and that every day he spends in the house, you won't be doing his laundry, or any cooking for him, and you'll be putting a password on the TV (do so now!) and changing the wifi password.

This is a good idea in a shitty situation, hopefully he gives his head a wobble and leaves quickly.

HPandthelastwish · 09/12/2024 14:38

@LookItsMeAgain you've missed an update,landlord is away until Thursday.

LookItsMeAgain · 09/12/2024 14:37

Rosettespur · 09/12/2024 14:02

Well…he came home from work, begging that things will change and he refuses to give up on the relationship. Stating he doesn’t care if I have given up he is staying put to ‘show me’ how things can be different!

I am now ignoring him. But I honestly have no idea how I am getting out of this tbh

Edited

We've actually told you how to get rid of him.

Did you contact your landlord to make the necessary arrangements to get him off the tenancy?

Ivyn · 09/12/2024 14:37

HPandthelastwish · 09/12/2024 14:34

I'd also be tempted to fill the house with "emotional women" and tell DD she can invite al of her friends for a sleepover and can take over the living room at the weekend.

Love this!

Maurepas · 09/12/2024 14:36

HPandthelastwish · 09/12/2024 14:34

I'd also be tempted to fill the house with "emotional women" and tell DD she can invite al of her friends for a sleepover and can take over the living room at the weekend.

Great idea!!

Discombobble · 09/12/2024 14:36

Pretend he’s not there - don’t shop or cook for him, don’t do his washing, invoice him for half the rent and bills

Starlight1979 · 09/12/2024 14:34

Rosettespur · 08/12/2024 17:53

It’s not all bad. Since being with me he has did some training and now has a better paying job. He is helpful around the house etc

But he is so negative. And tbh draining.

He's got a better paying job but doesn't pay you rent or anything towards bills....? And you're happy with this, why?

HPandthelastwish · 09/12/2024 14:34

I'd also be tempted to fill the house with "emotional women" and tell DD she can invite al of her friends for a sleepover and can take over the living room at the weekend.

Ivyn · 09/12/2024 14:33

HPandthelastwish · 09/12/2024 14:20

You just stay firm, tell him "No, I've had enough I do not want to be in a relationship with you any longer" and repeat.

For now until you have sorted this with the landlord if he is refusing to leave you move all of his personal things into his DDs room and he'll have to sleep there. Cook and clean for just you and DD, change passwords on any subscriptions you pay for.

Pick DD up and tell her what is happening, she's old enough to understand make clear it isn't her fault but you've had enough and he will be leaving - and in true teenage form may be able to get him out with her own frostyness.

I agree with all of this.

Ivyn · 09/12/2024 14:32

He just doesn't want to move out.

Don't back down on this OP.

Wigglywoowho · 09/12/2024 14:30

SalsaLights · 09/12/2024 14:19

He's doing this because he doesn't want to have to go back to his family - so it's easier to try and sweet talk you. He wants to keep his comfy life where you pay the majority of the bills, do most of the housework (I'm guessing - am I right?), and he gets sex on tap as well.

Call his bluff.

Tell him that the relationship is over so it doesn't matter what he wants, because he can't force you to be in a relationship with him. And that if he refuses to move out, you'll serve notice on the house which will force him to leave anyway. So if he really does care about you as he claims, then he won't be such a prick as to force you and your DD to leave the house just because he's too selfish to move out of a house where he pays none of the rent and bills anyway.

Show quote history

This. Unfortunately, I think he might push it to the point that you need to terminate your tenancy. I'd be very clear that he either gets out and surrenders his tenancy or you will give notice to quit.

Of course he isn't going to go easily. He's a cocklodger. He wants everything he can squeeze out if you.

SalsaLights · 09/12/2024 14:21

Oh and that every day he spends in the house, you won't be doing his laundry, or any cooking for him, and you'll be putting a password on the TV (do so now!) and changing the wifi password.

HPandthelastwish · 09/12/2024 14:20

You just stay firm, tell him "No, I've had enough I do not want to be in a relationship with you any longer" and repeat.

For now until you have sorted this with the landlord if he is refusing to leave you move all of his personal things into his DDs room and he'll have to sleep there. Cook and clean for just you and DD, change passwords on any subscriptions you pay for.

Pick DD up and tell her what is happening, she's old enough to understand make clear it isn't her fault but you've had enough and he will be leaving - and in true teenage form may be able to get him out with her own frostyness.