DP just called DD ungrateful - I’m fuming!

I did the same. The guy wasn't even paying rent ffs.

Too rash? I think this was well overdue.

In light of Grammarnut's comments on manipulative kids - I went back and reread the OP and all her posts. I see absolutely no evidence of manipulation from OP's DD. I just see a cocky freeloader man.

DD will have good boundaries as a result. She has seen her mum take her side and be strong. She has learnt she doesn't need to take any shit from any man. Even if this particular incident didn't bother her, it will be filed away in memory and recalled years later when/if she needs it.

If the bloke had stayed on, the long term result would be her taking baby steps on eggshells. Not a good family life for her to have.

Well done OP, I think you did good.

@Grammarnut has lots of evidence that children will do this. You are all very naive about children. Perhaps you believe Rousseau's description of children arriving in this world trailing clouds of glory? Children have to be socialised, they have to be guided and shown what good and empathic behaviour are. And yes, they can be bloody manipulative. Seeing it within my social group at the moment.
Sorry about that!

NB I agree about OP's partner, as it happens, he's useles. But the advice to never have a new partner in your life after a failed relationship that has produced children is hardly independence-affirming. On the contrary, it reinforces the stereotype that women should give up their lives, interests, loves and world to serve their children until said children allow them to have that life - or bugger off and leaver on her own.

Even if @Grammarnut 's repugnant views about children were true, and the OP's DD were a conniving arch manipulator (spoiler alert - she's not), it still wouldn't go anyway towards making this man a better partner. He paid nothing, contributed nothing, freeloaded, was unpleasant and made misogynistic remarks to boot!

OP you are well rid!!!

I'm quite aware that anyone can be manipulative.

The OPs DD has the right to live in a home where she's not belittled or resented.

The OP has the right to decide when a relationship isn't working out, and could actually damage her relationship with DD.

The DD should come before any passing male.

The only manipulative person in this thread is the workshy, freeloading EX.

Well done OP!

Clearly they are not.

How pathetic

Your views are repellant

@Notsuchafattynow I don't think you know much about teenagers. They want their parent (whichever sex) for themselves and do not want a new partner interloping. They will manipulate that new partner out if they are allowed to.
@Pipconkermash Very well, thank you. You also do not know much about how manipulative children are, especially if they see that their position of always coming first with their parent is under threat.

It’s clear from reading a tiny bit of the thread your daughter doesn’t like him and that is reason enough for him to not be living there. We as parents have a responsibility to make a child’s home their safe space, a place where they are completely comfortable

Are you quite well?

What a load of bollocks.

DD succeeded in manipulating you into getting rid of possible new partner (irrespective of whether he was a dick, which he was, that was not the point of her dislike). You won't have another partner come to share your life. Your DD has won but also has lost, because this is the model she will follow: you have one relationship; if it produces children and then fails then you never have another relationship until the said children have left home. Poor girl, what a lesson to be taught.

No no no...not rash!

Don't let your DD feel this is on her. He's a dick, and you're well rid. Of course he's trying to get back...you're his meal ticket for the rest of time. He knows DD is growing up and will fly the nest in a few years so he's thinking long term.

Move on and find someone decent. Block his number so he can't love bomb you or get in your head.

I think you need to be very clear with you daughter that this isn’t on the back of what he said to her, that’s it’s because of a lot of other little things. It might even be good (if age appropriate) to talk her through all the things and how they’re not acceptable for you both to be treated like that so she doesn’t fall for someone like that herself.

you might then get an honest opinion from her as right now she probably feels guilty and maybe doesn’t want to give you her opinion if it sours the water and he ends up coming back

Well done OP. Now keep him gone. You've been clear it's over. Just block him now. And totally agree with others. Don't put it on your DD to reassure you or appear to make this choice, or even suggest you have done it for her. You picked a bad one. He was freeloading, nasty, gaslighting and would jo doubt have got worse. Well done for getting rid of him. 🥳

Absolutely agree with everyone who is saying that your daughter should not feel responsible for the end of the relationship. If she is being noncommittal, it's probably because she is feeling uneasy about this level of responsibility.

DD has never been stroppy. And actually as a teen has encouraged me to date but she is autistic and I would never bring anyone into our home or make those type of drastic changes. We are in the major exam years now and I won't be compromising those for her. Another 3 years she'll be 18 and moving on, I'll still be young at 41 and have plenty of time to develop a relationship if I want one.

What happened to my life? Being married and having a second family isn't the only good way of being a role model. Ive worked on providing for the pair of us, retrained, spent 6 years working evenings and weekends on completing an OU degree. My parents provided childcare for me to work and study asking them to do it so I could date too would be taking advantage.

I spent years working in Secondary schools and when students of blended families spoke of their experiences all struggled with Mums new partner even if they liked him, it changed the dynamic in the house it was different at dads as they didn't view it as their base.

It is a shame your DH died, he sounds like a good egg, but you got lucky. For many teens that is not what they experience when mum moves a new man in. You only have to read these relationship boards to see how many awful men are out there.

You have done the right thing, a leopard never changes their spots. He was leeching off you fullstop. Your daughter will be non committal as she doesn't want the guilt. Let her know it wasn't about her, that comment was just the final straw. Let him prove himself whilst not under the same roof, i bet he wont.

The home you have made your DD is your space. If you find someone you love you are entitled to bring them into your life. If necessary, sell house and buy another one, but do not be dictated to by a teenager. What happened to your life? And the message you are giving your DD is that all must be sacrificed to the needs/wants of a child. Yikes!
For the record, I found a second DH. My children loved him, he was both helpful and a good guide to their futures. He died this year. My DC mourn him. Why should I have deprived them of finding this man a good father figure and guide because they could have been stroppy about me having a relationship other than with them?

I think DD is noncommittal in case you decide he can come back and she has said something awful she can't take back. Anything awful she says to you now she would feel it would come between you if he returned. She will probably tell you what she really feels about it in a month or two when she's certain this is final.

Has he actually gone? Worst case scenario, you can end the tenancy and with the landlord’s agreement, start a new one without idiot ex-dp. Presumably, he can’t afford the rent.

Great update.
Your job where this bloke was concerned was to make sure he left and wasn't living with you any more. What your daughter thinks about that situation is really neither here nor there. If she said she was delighted he was gone, not saying that you would, but you could turn it around and say "why can't I be happy?" or similar to her. She doesn't want to (nor should she ever be) the gate keeper of your happiness.
Really pleased that the landlord was so amenable to your request.

Let 2025 be the year where you find your own happiness and can enjoy your own company.

For goodness sake. Your daughter is not supposed to guide or reassure your actions.

You've done the right thing. Own it.

Do not put the decision to end the relationship with your ex-partner on your daughter.

Just move on with life and count your lucky stars that things have been resolved relatively easily.