I am feeling so utterly miserable about my social life and situation. Sorry for the vent.
I feel bad saying this. I do have friends - two close ones from university, and one really close one from elsewhere. A few others from here and there. I'm always able to make plans/see someone for a drink/go to the theatre/have dinner with someone etc. With the two uni friends, we socialise much more casually too, and hang out all day at someone's house, for example.
However, I was a bit shy at university and going through some personal stuff. Entirely my fault. But I didn't make as much effort to socialise broadly and haven't ended up with a large group of friends/wider network of people I'm in touch with. I'm in my 30s now and most people I meet seem to have a handful of close friends, but often they're part of a larger group and a wider social network of friends and acquaintances. Besides my two university friends, most of the other friends I have are just from here and there, and are individual friendships. I know I could host parties etc and get people together, which I have done in the past, but I don't necessarily think they'd all gel, and in any case it's just not the same as that feeling of affection that comes from the shared history large friendship groups have due to spending a lot of time in the same place.
I make a lot of effort to keep in touch with the friends I do have, but still feel incredibly lonely sometimes. It would be so lovely to have a larger group of friends, walk into a room with several people I know well, and be invited to more things, and just have that extended network of "friends of friends" and lots of people around.
Obviously I'm going to keep making efforts to socialise and say yes to things, maybe join a book club etc, but realistically I just don't see how I will be able to create that friendship group for myself from scratch. I don't have a partner and that feels like something I also want to change, but honestly the friendship thing is getting me down more right now. One of my close university friends, who is absolutely lovely, has such a wide circle of people she's in touch with from university and elsewhere, and her lifestyle is just filled with people and activities and stories. I feel so jealous and my life feels so small in comparison. But I don't actually feel like less of a sociable person, or less interesting, or less fun/likeable than her! It's all down to choices I made. University is typically the time you build these kind of friendships and networks that you're connected with long after, and I didn't utilise the time well in that regard, having come away with only two close friends and no acquaintances.
Not sure what I'm looking for really. Advice? Commiseration? Similar experiences? Positive stories of establishing close friendship groups later in life? Thanks for reading.