What help did you want in your first week postpartum?

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@waggytaildog That's great, I’m so pleased for you. For some people, a rough birth and physical aftermath, plus an unwell baby, plus trouble establishing breastfeeding make the newborn weeks very hard indeed. Perhaps you might want to consider showing some empathy for women in that situation.

It depends on the person but I had a difficult birth and became really unwell immediately after I gave birth so was discharged with 6 weeks of daily injections and about 5 different tablets to take each day which all had varying rules about take with food/take on empty stomach/take twice a day/take three times a day. As a result one of that one of the most helpful things my mum did was listen to all the rules about everything when I was being discharged and then organised all of that for me, put it in a pill box and just told me what to take and when. She came round with food & supplies every day that week, made sure we both had something nice and nutritious to eat, did some washing, generally tidied, she helped me have a shower as with my stitches I struggled to step up into our shower so needed help, helped me into clean pj’s etc, but above all the one thing my mum did in that first week which I appreciated and needed probably more than anything else was she just held me. While I was breastfeeding and recovering, exhausted and hormonal, she looked after me so that I could look after my baby and I’ll truly never be able to thank her enough for that

I've 2 kids, 2 c-sections and both exclusively breastfed

I don't really understand this whole obsession with help thing

I also never, ever walked about with my leaky boobs out or sat on the sofa marinating in my own blood

Up, showered, hair and makeup done

I found the newborn days very relaxing

Because this is your first baby and you don't know what you need until you know (it's so personal).... as unhelpful as my response is I think my true answer is that you simply need someone who will respect and do their best to provide whatever it is that you need in the moment.

I've had 3 babies and in my experience the following were helpful:

Meals
Housework
Laundry
Time for a bath/shower
Company when I wanted it
The opportunity to sleep when I wanted it
I had no concerns about handing my babies over for cuddles and being given them back whenever felt appropriate, but if you feel you may get twitchy this might be something to consider. Same with people overstaying their welcome or creating work for you (the best visitors are those who bring their own food/biscuits, make tea, clear up after themselves and know when to leave). The last thing you need is to be running around after visitors, so make it clear that you won't (or delegate to your DH, but not at your own expense... he needs to be available to be your "personal assistant" while you're recovering, establishing breastfeeding, etc).

Edit to add: my mother stayed a night when I had my second baby (at home), to help look after my older child while we rested/got to grips with juggling two. This was very welcome. My mother didn't stay when I had my third (also at home) because I didn't feel I needed the help... however my parents did spend the while day with us and my father cooked us a roast dinner while I hibernated in bed napping and doing skin to skin. Bliss!
(I spent 5 days in hospital with my first, so we were just happy to get back to our own space at that stage...)

Personally, nothing. We spent the first few weeks in a little newborn bubble. I loved it and was upset when DH had to go back to work. We live hours from any family so had very few visitors. It was bliss.

I think it depends on your birth, I had 1 awful birth and felt horrible for weeks afterwards. I wanted to curl up in a ball and hibernate (I think it was my body trying to tell me to take it easy and recover)

But I also had a relative easy birth and felt absolutely fine afterwards. Was happy to have visitors and potter around etc.

Both times things I liked it when people brought food and helped tidy up after making said food. Just making themselves helpful and looking after us rather than just wanting to cuddle baby all the time.

I had a rough birth so was quite unwell for the first weeks. My mum came every other day and brought food and actually physically fed me at times. She helped with establishing breastfeeding, giving me the anti-coagulant injections, checking blood loss etc. She’d run the hoover around and tidied up. She turned the first week into an antenatal class 😂 She also spotted the jaundice in my son and coordinated immediate medical help.

For me, it was having someone look after me so I could look after our baby. I neglected myself, trying to keep on top of housework and baby care. Trying to do it all basically. The housework of course could keep, but having someone making sure I was eating and drinking made a huge difference

Someone to clean , cook , get some groceries in. If not bf then to do a feed and let you rest/ sleep. My favourite times pp were when my husband would take the baby out for a walk in the pram for an hour just to let me relax

I think it’s hard to know until you’re there. I kind of wanted everyone to fuck off. Felt smothered, wanted privacy, etc. But I didnt imagine I would feel like that until I was wrecked from the labour.

Fill your freezer with nutritious meals. Have someone to help with laundry, tidying and taking the baby so you can sleep or decompress.

Mostly, I'd say read up on bf and what can go wrong and make sure you have good post natal community midwives who are on the ball. I had 4 different ones in about 7 days withbmy fjrst. One was excellent, one was good, two were utterly hopeless. If you can insist on continuity do. If at any time you feel unwell or pain seems disproportionate, phone your GP. Don't wait for the midwife to give inconsistent advice to questions they haven't listened to.

Make sure you have plenty to drink at yiur side.

My Mum stayed with us for the first week or so for each of our 3DC and basically took over the running of the house while I concentrated on the baby. DH went to work that week then took his paternity leave later.

If she's close by I agree, pop in daily and sort you out with a hot meal and some light housework and a bit of company while your DH is working.

None apart from husband keeping up the household stuff while I focussed on babies.

We really didn’t want to see anyone else for a few weeks.

Someone to take my other kids to school.

None, DH was doing everything house related and making sure I was topped up with any food and drink I needed between meals.

I was quite open to visitors as well, didn't get the whole "bubble" thing or why it was desirable but didn't need or want any additional help

Drop a meal round and then leave! 😅 I just wanted to recover on my own tbh, and my husband did all the extra round the house. Really didn’t want to be learning to breastfeed with an audience. Having some meals ready was fab though! And I was very grateful

Mainly someone to come over and quietly do housework /shopping/cooking/laundry without asking for a lot of input.

If they want to hold the baby I guess I'd like half an hour in the bath.

No one who needs to be hosted, or who wants a proper conversation. Someone to sit and watch TV with and bring tea and biscuits if I'm a bit lonely.

Best to be on your own the first week or so, no harm in MIL coming to visit but I’d say you need your space to start adjusting to new life. You won’t need anyone to hold the baby for showering if both you and partner are home.

I was ok first week. About 3 to 4 weeks in when DH was back at work my MiL would hold DS while he slept so I could go and pass out. He would only nap on someone. Best 2 hour nap I ever had!

Oops, meant to quote @LogicalImpossibility !

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Also, someone happy to keep coming once your DH pat leave is over. I found the 4-8week period the hardest, because I was still recovering from labour / establishing breastfeeding, but DH had gone back to work.

I actually found it more helpful to have help much further down the line, say 8 weeks old. The visits from friends etc have dropped off, your husband is back to work and you’ve eaten all your batch cooked freezer food. Then it would have been great to have someone do a big food shop and restock the freezer, do a tidy up, catch up on laundry and sort the newborn clothes/no longer needed bits out and bung them in the attic.

What I wanted more than anything…. Sleep!! And uninterrupted showers and meals.

If people were happy to cuddle DC or walk them round the block etc so I could do the above, I was incredibly grateful.

My MIL came every day for the first few weeks and was a godsend. I didn’t feel self conscious feeding around her (she actually gave me a lot of help as she breastfed two herself) because we have a really good relationship anyway. She cooked, cleaned the house every day, took away laundry and brought it back ironed the next day, held our baby for his naps so we could sleep, kept me company with good chat or watching films while I fed my baby, was just generally the most amazing extra pair of hands. I am so, so grateful to her.

My own mother lives a little more distantly but visited lots too and was so kind and supportive. She would usually bring something for us to heat up for dinner, and she took our baby for long walks in the pram so that we could rest and have quiet time.

To treat me normally. I hate being mollycoddled and between husband and I am more than capable of making food and not living in a pigsty