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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU or does anyone else thinks that most (not all) men are inherently lazy?

157 replies

SunnyPinkMouse · 07/12/2024 23:27

as I get older I am becoming more intolerable to men. I think they’re lazy. I think they are mummy’s boys. They get out of helping. They get out of doing a lot of things. They just do what they want to do. Why? Is it because their mums let them get away with this growing up and so they continue this way and then expect their wives to replace their mum?

OP posts:
Rainbowqueeen · 08/12/2024 01:08

I think the problem with a lot of men is the inherent belief that they should be able to do the jobs that they want to do and those jobs only. Plus they expect an inordinate amount of praise for doing them

sandyhappypeople · 08/12/2024 01:08

SunnyPinkMouse · 07/12/2024 23:39

@Nellodee and @Ladamesansmerci My MIL is exactly like that, in fact I I’ve heard her say this verbatim. So frustrating to have to hear this in 2024 and in front of my other half. I don’t want him to think that this is an acceptable attitude

Edited

I don’t want him to think that this is an acceptable attitude

What?? How old is he, 12?? I’m pretty sure a those ideas are deeply ingrained by now.

I’m assuming, seeing as you don’t believe that mindset at all (and rightly so) that you put her straight or at least laughed out loud.. or is your DH so far gone, that it’s suddenly hit you that any hope you had of changing him is futile.

hope you like nagging, or doing everything yourself! Because if you choose a lazy, selfish person to marry those are the only choices you will have for the rest of your life.

ForeverDelayedEpiphany · 08/12/2024 01:05

stayathomer · 07/12/2024 23:43

I’d agree most men are lazy in terms of housework (and clueless too-assuming a woman will do it if they won’t?!) as opposed to work but I take umbrage to the mummy’s boy thing- why can women have great relationships with their parents and a man is in regular contact with his mother and he’s a mummy’s boy? I’ve 4 boys and looking at mumsnet I regularly wonder at what age they’re supposed to not have significant contact 😅

My DH is great at household chores and I put it down to the fact he lived on his own for 18 years. It's very good he's been so well trained lol 😆

ForeverDelayedEpiphany · 08/12/2024 01:04

My DH isn't. He's hard working, conscientious, does a lot of household tasks and chores. He's definitely not lazy. Clearly the men you associate with are lazy arses but not everyone is.

HappyMamma2023 · 08/12/2024 00:58

Sounds like your meeting the wrong men OP. My OH works 6 days a week and cleans bathroom, hoovers, mops and chops wood up at the weekend as well as make teas during the week and goes to the gym alternate nights. He and his brother raised by a single Dad from age 11.

TrishM80 · 08/12/2024 00:56

By that token, are women too lazy to work on building sites or oil rigs? That must be pretty hard work.

Screamingabdabz · 07/12/2024 23:57

SunnyPinkMouse · 07/12/2024 23:53

@Screamingabdabz disagree. I have hobbies, my other half doesn’t. I have pushed more in my profession, he hasn’t. But you’re saying I need to aim even higher and expect even more?

That’s not all men. Your other half is just a lazy and selfish person. If it bothers you that much, yes, you have a decision to make.

Original poster
SunnyPinkMouse · 07/12/2024 23:53

@Screamingabdabz disagree. I have hobbies, my other half doesn’t. I have pushed more in my profession, he hasn’t. But you’re saying I need to aim even higher and expect even more?

OP posts:
Semiramide · 07/12/2024 23:52

Most men have been conditioned, from the moment they were born, to put their own interests first, whereas most girls, even now, are encouraged to be 'nice' and 'kind'.

Men see that men run the world. It's not as bad as it used to be, but it still permeates every aspect of our lives. It's way easier for men to earn more and get promoted than women. Plus they are physically stronger.

It all adds up to a powerful sense of entitlement. At its most basic it means that many men feel that they are too important to clean the loo, but it also allows them to walk into positions of power for which they may be less well qualified than female applicants.

DontCallMeKidDontCallMeBaby · 07/12/2024 23:52

SunnyPinkMouse · 07/12/2024 23:48

@DontCallMeKidDontCallMeBaby i think that is a very different comparison. We all know it’s wrong to commit a crime.

I’m also a prison officer, and you’d be stunned at the amount of people who really don’t.

It’s the first rule of misogyny isn’t it, blame the woman. Has your husband never had a single man in his life who could have set him a good example?

Original poster
SunnyPinkMouse · 07/12/2024 23:51

@Comedycook and @DinosaurMunch i think you’re right, maybe it is selfishness

OP posts:
Screamingabdabz · 07/12/2024 23:50

No. I don’t. If you look at what men achieve in their professional lives or their hobbies, not at all. Women who complain about this need to aim higher and expect more. YABU.

Original poster
SunnyPinkMouse · 07/12/2024 23:48

@DontCallMeKidDontCallMeBaby i think that is a very different comparison. We all know it’s wrong to commit a crime.

OP posts:
InSpainTheRain · 07/12/2024 23:47

I thinkmsome men are lazy, but so are some women. Don't settle and seek an equal partner whi works as hard as you would be my advice.

Original poster
SunnyPinkMouse · 07/12/2024 23:47

@stayathomer i think mummy’s boys are when the man can’t seem to extract himself from his mum and be independent. It’s a bit like he lives for his mum rather than anyone else. Not sure why? Guilt, fear?

OP posts:
WalterdelaMare · 07/12/2024 23:47

Nonsense in my experience.

i am the lazy one in our house. My husband does everything. I merely direct operations and make him think I’m completely indispensable in doing so.

DinosaurMunch · 07/12/2024 23:46

Comedycook · 07/12/2024 23:30

My dh isn't lazy. Loads of men aren't.
I don't think it's necessarily laziness that you mean op...I think it's selfishness at the crux of it.

Yes selfish is what it is. They can work hard on things that they want to

hopelessmary · 07/12/2024 23:45

My DH isn't lazy, he does a lot of housework but the difference is he expects praise or thanks when he does! Whereas when I do it, it's just expected.

DontCallMeKidDontCallMeBaby · 07/12/2024 23:43

SunnyPinkMouse · 07/12/2024 23:39

@Nellodee and @Ladamesansmerci My MIL is exactly like that, in fact I I’ve heard her say this verbatim. So frustrating to have to hear this in 2024 and in front of my other half. I don’t want him to think that this is an acceptable attitude

Edited

Surely he’s an adult able to think for himself, and so be responsible for his own actions? My husband works in a prison and is surrounded by people who think it’s acceptable to break the law. I don’t worry he’s going to go out and commit a crime. And if he does that’s on him, not them.

stayathomer · 07/12/2024 23:43

I’d agree most men are lazy in terms of housework (and clueless too-assuming a woman will do it if they won’t?!) as opposed to work but I take umbrage to the mummy’s boy thing- why can women have great relationships with their parents and a man is in regular contact with his mother and he’s a mummy’s boy? I’ve 4 boys and looking at mumsnet I regularly wonder at what age they’re supposed to not have significant contact 😅

Original poster
SunnyPinkMouse · 07/12/2024 23:39

@Nellodee and @Ladamesansmerci My MIL is exactly like that, in fact I I’ve heard her say this verbatim. So frustrating to have to hear this in 2024 and in front of my other half. I don’t want him to think that this is an acceptable attitude

OP posts:
LoremIpsumCici · 07/12/2024 23:37

Most men are not lazy. Neither are most women.
Who seriously believes this sexist crap?

SouthLondonMum22 · 07/12/2024 23:34

The standards and expectations of men are low. You even did it yourself by finding a way to blame women for mens actions.

DontCallMeKidDontCallMeBaby · 07/12/2024 23:34

My dh isn’t lazy. But then neither is his dad. He had a really positive male role model growing up. Why is it solely down to mum’s to raise their children? Let’s not blame women for men’s shortcomings.

Edingril · 07/12/2024 23:33

No idea the men i know aren't but the women i know are not martyrs either