AIBU or does anyone else thinks that most (not all) men are inherently lazy?

Absolutely the opposite. Every one of my male family members is/was hard working, including my teen sons.

I do know lazy men and equally women. I simply wouldn’t be in a relationship with a lazy person. Laziness is so incredibly unattractive to me.

In my personal experience - no. I'd say that I'm lazier than DH (I'm not lazy but he's even less lazy iyswim!), my mum is lazier than my dad and my SIL is lazier than my brother.

I disagree. My husband has always worked far harder than I do. If our cleaner is away, he will just get on and clean, whilst I do everything I can to avoid it! Let's not stereotype men and women - we are all individuals, and different from each other.

I think humans as a species are inherently ‘lazy’. i.e I don’t think it comes naturally to us to work 8 hour days, commute, do the school run, go to the gym etc and squeeze all of our down time/hobbies/chores/medical care etc into a small amount of legally allotted AL.

side note: I read a wonderful short story recently, that dealt with a similar theme. I can’t remember what is was called but it was byMargaret Atwood and it was about a woman who was turning into a snail.

Any way, the problem (apart from the insane requirements for endless productivity that we all live under) is that in our society, one sex is allowed to indulge their ‘laziness’ more than the other. Men seem to feel entitled to put their leisure, rest, comfort and ‘needs’ ahead of other concerns (such as the needs of the household/children/elderly relatives. ) in a way that women don’t. I don’t know if it’s because women are, from an incredibly early age, taught to make others comfortable and consider others need (groomed into putting their need last) and men aren’t or because of heirarchy and the type of contributions we put value on as a society (e.g men’s work and physical Labour being seen as superior or harder) or for some other reason. Whatever it is, we definitely have a culture of men getting to relax and put their feet up while women run around, doing more than their share, enabling men’s leisure at their own expense.

I think this is the issue at the root of the 4b movement. It may also be one of the issues fueling the male loneliness epidemic (I.e men refusing to do the emotional Labour/kin-keeping to keep up relationships and then dealing with the consequences of this). I’ve heard the phrase recently that ‘the male loneliness epidemic is a Labour dispute’ and this rings so true! I also believe that the rise of incel culture is linked to this. As women move into an economic position where they don’t necessarily need men to
provide for them, they will only chose men who add value to their lives e.g through being a good companion. Men, who have never valued the skills needed for emotional connection and relationship building, are refusing to adapt and gain these skills, leaving them ‘involuntary celibate’ and harking back to a time when they could force women to rely on them for provisions, without doing anything hard like self growth or being nice to people. Hence also the rise of the alt right/the attempt to push women back into the kitchen (either through the glorification of the trad lifestyle or the removal of contraception, as proposed by project 25).

Men need to evolve.

I'm the same, OP.
In fact, far worse. 😁
Something switched over at around age 42 and that was it.
Long term married to a decent man, but don't need to ever look at another.
They are nothing short of infuriating and unnecessary to live with.

It’s extreme, but I think the point stands. Presumably the op’s partner is a fully grown man. The idea of my 40 year old husband still being influenced by outdated views from him mother, is a laughable and ridiculous as him being influenced by the prisoners he spends 40+ hours a week with.

My mum asked me once if when dh comes home do I make sure the kids are out of the way so he can relax after a hard days work!

I'm hoping with each generation we will shift equality.

My dh isn't lazy but he struggles to share the load. I definitely do more particularly of the mental load. I'm trying to teach my dd to expect better.

I am married a man ten years older than me, who regularly leaves empty crisp packets and crumpled up tissues down the back of the sofa for me to find and is incapable of opening a bathroom window.

It's just so completely and pointlessly scuzzy. I bloody hate it.

How so you compare being influenced by prisoners in jail to being influenced by your own mother 😁

No, I don't. You clearly know a very low grade of men.

My DH never stops. I'm lazy compared to him. As I write this, I'm lying in bed in my pyjamas while he unloads the dishwasher. I can't think of any lazy men actually.

My DH isn't lazy. He's always pulled his weight with housework and childcare.

I'm amazed at how good he is really, as the role models weren't great - his mum never worked after marriage and literally did everything for his dad, who doled out housekeeping money and wouldn't "let" his mum learn to drive, or even buy a microwave (despite never cooking ever).

DH is always busy and engaged, despite now being retired and disabled. He puts me to shame sometimes!

Yes!. They were facilitated their mothers.

No, men are not more inherently lazy than women.
What can/does happen is they are socialised into either expecting someone else to pick up the slack or to see it as beneath them.

My DH was the eldest of 4 and he was expected to do household chores from an early age. He was doing his own laundry at 13.
My ex on the other hand had never used a washing machine when we moved in together. He expected housework to be done by me because his mum did it all at home. We didn't last very long.

I've also been very clear on my expectations in a partner. Household chores and childcare are a joint responsibility.

Our 10 year old is already learning by example. He already knows that keeping the house clean and tidy is everyone's responsibility- including his!!

I'm not sure they're lazy but there are a lot of entitled and selfish men around. There is just an expectation that women will do the caring, housekeeping and admin roles. Historically all women's jobs and added together all very time consuming on top of working a full or part time job.

Having said that, DH is brilliant. I wouldn't put up with a useless bloke. Life is too short.

OP, you need to understand the difference between your personal situation and "all" men, and indeed "all MIL" as your other thread is about. No, not all men are lazy and not all MIL are awful. You do have a choice.

I know lazy men and women, but i also know many women who have created monsters by doing everything from day 1 and now years down the line it's become the norm - i don't understand why some women put up with it, honestly. I also have a few friends who endlessly complain that their dh doesn't do things their way (the right way according to them) so they redo or admonish them over every task, then wonder why they are reluctant to help.

I think all humans are a bit lazy, but I think women seem to be more willing than men to just pick up the slack. I won't with DH, it's an equal partnership or nothing, we both know it and value what we have enough to pull our weight.

My partner works full time and is also right now my full time carer. Makes all the meals, does all the washing. The jobs I do have I sometimes cannot do during a bad day, and he'll take them on without being asked too - just from seeing me unwell in the mornings. He physically helps me around the house when i cant walk well so I can at least get up and down stairs on those days (cant afford rails for the house yet). Goes out and does the shopping. Even manages my doctors appointments when I can't.

He will, effectively, do everything for however long he needs and not once has he complained. I bring it up often, out of guilt obviously and concern for his stress and energy levels, and he just says he loves me and we're a team, and he's happy to do these things. He says its not stressful, just extra things to do.

So no, I don't think they are inherently lazy. I think a lot of men are lazy because their mothers didn't expect more of them and their fathers taught them that women should do everything thats unpaid - I think it's nurture, not nature.

My partner was and is loved and spoiled awfully by his adoring parents, but they also raised him to be independent, proactive and caring towards others. I'm in awe of them actually, they raised two very lovely 10/10 sons who make fantastic partners now (my DPs brother is the same). Seems very rare. But proof its possible!

I agree OP, not all men are inherently lazy.

You definitely get lazy peopele of both sexes, but more men are like that judging from my life experience. I once had a job that involved visiting people in their house, sometimes I would visit couples where it was obvious that both were lazy (houses were total shitholes).

Now DH lived with his previous gf and she chose not to work. Not sure why, no dc, but it meant that she did absolutely everything. I was extremely clear when we starting talking about moving in together that that would not be the case with me. I worked long hours too and had zero interest in washing his pants! If he wanted clean ones, he could wash them himself.
After a couple of false starts (him asking where is my blue gant shirt and me replying I don’t know, where is my red Borden top and him looking at me blankly 🤣🤣) he got the hang of it. 20 years on and he still pulls his weight in all things household related.

In terms of society, the bar is set very low for men and often little is expected of them. People often talk about men as helping with the children and housework as opposed to them sharing the load / responsibilities. Nobody has ever asked my DP if I am babysitting when he goes out, but I’ve been asked on several occasions oh is DP babysitting tonight…

I assume you don't have sons @SunnyPinkMouse otherwise I'm afraid to tell you that you're the problem.
DH and ds1 aren't lazy, ds2 and I (a woman) can be. You might as well have said "boys will be boys" or some other sexist regressive shit. Haven't we moved beyond this?

Yes, and different motivations. They are not lazy when it's something they think men should get praised for eg scoring a goal or work success.

Again, this is DH. He genuinely thinks he spends all his free time cleaning.