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Original poster

Friends partner cheated, I can't get my head round it

63 replies

starmaker1 · 07/12/2024 21:36

My friend is 30 with 3 kids under 4, one being only 6m.
Her partner cheated with a woman from
His gym, the ow got pregnant and kept the baby, friends partner has nothing to do with the woman or baby. The ow's baby and my friends are almost exactly the same age.
My friend and her partner have moved house, he has changed his number and car in a bid i suppose to stop ow finding them.
I'm so confused as to why she is staying with him. I could possibly forgive a one night stand, not an affair and definitely not an affair that ended in a baby being born. I don't know how she really feels as she doesn't really speak about it. She's know 4/5 months. Has anyone else ever stayed in the same or similar situation and it actually worked? U couldn't let him touch me and would have zero respect that he doesn't acknowledge his other child

OP posts:
dixon86 · 07/12/2024 23:57

Why don't you ask your friend?

How could a bunch of strangers possibly know the answer?

Original poster
starmaker1 · 07/12/2024 23:52

She asked me to be there when she called her and she put the phone on loudspeaker. At the time she was calling me a lot to vent and we would meet up to chat and try and get things straight so I'm now worried because she has stopped speaking about it, when it's all she spoke about for weeks. I want to get my head round it because I care about my friend. I wanted different opinions because I know I'm quite straight down the line. I don't take sh*t and if I can't trust that's it over. I'm not gossiping just after opinion

OP posts:
Nanny0gg · 07/12/2024 23:41

SmileEachDay · 07/12/2024 22:35

I’d be furious if my ‘friend’ posted my intimate, personal details on social media, asking the world to judge me.

You understand how anonymous forums work?

DuckPuddledJemima · 07/12/2024 23:41

Why do you NEED to get your head around it? It's none of your business. If she wanted your help or your opinion she'd ask for it. It's not your place to understand or judge.

GranPepper · 07/12/2024 23:39

starmaker1 · 07/12/2024 22:55

The two women have spoke and it was actually very amicable, I was there, considering the circumstances it was a very calm and respectful conversation. I was very proud of my friend for acting with such grace and dignity

In all politeness, you seem a little over-invested in a friend's life. Why were you there when the two women actually involved had a conversation as you've already said your friend doesn't want to talk to you about it? I don't drop friends lightly but I'd consider dropping you on the basis you are involving yourself in things that are nothing to do with you and posting about it online. If you have the means to do so, maybe consider a short holiday and recalibrate your brain to umderstand your life is yours and someone else's (your friend's) isn't.

SmalllChange · 07/12/2024 23:28

starmaker1 · 07/12/2024 23:22

@SmalllChange I think it was my friend that wanted to do all that. They had sex in their house so I'd move too

"To stop OW finding them"

That's ^^ the bit that doesn't make sense if she's happy to be a single mum and he's paying CM?

Original poster
starmaker1 · 07/12/2024 23:22

@SmalllChange I think it was my friend that wanted to do all that. They had sex in their house so I'd move too

OP posts:
SmalllChange · 07/12/2024 23:16

starmaker1 · 07/12/2024 22:53

From what she has told me, ow hasn't tried to make contact and is happy to have the baby as a single mum. She has the right idea keeping him away imo

My friend and her partner have moved house, he has changed his number and car in a bid i suppose to stop ow finding them.

So why has he gone to those ^^ lengths then, especially if he's paying CM?

Original poster
starmaker1 · 07/12/2024 23:10

@Imbusytodaysorry in what way?

OP posts:
Imbusytodaysorry · 07/12/2024 23:08

Feelingstrange2 · 07/12/2024 21:38

The thing that would disappoint me the most is abandoning his child.

Agreed.
Sorry but it says a lot about your friend OP

Original poster
starmaker1 · 07/12/2024 22:55

The two women have spoke and it was actually very amicable, I was there, considering the circumstances it was a very calm and respectful conversation. I was very proud of my friend for acting with such grace and dignity

OP posts:
Original poster
starmaker1 · 07/12/2024 22:53

From what she has told me, ow hasn't tried to make contact and is happy to have the baby as a single mum. She has the right idea keeping him away imo

OP posts:
Workingthroughit · 07/12/2024 22:47

starmaker1 · 07/12/2024 22:43

@Workingthroughit would you ask if she's ok or just not say anything if she doesn't.
I think about her all the time and how she might be so unhappy but is "getting on with it" I can't get my head around any of it

I would give my opinion that I support her 100% but do not support the relationship, that you are there for her if she needs you and leave her to it.

If she decides that she wants to stay with a man who is happy to sleep around, disrespect her and her children, sow his seed round the town and spawn more offspring, that is on her. Just be there to help pick up the pieces.

AnneLovesGilbert · 07/12/2024 22:47

Of course she’s not fucking happy, her life as she knew it exploded at the most vulnerable time possible. She’s doing the best she can and maybe she’ll come out of the fog and want to chuck him or maybe she won’t.

Maybe she’s thinking clearly at the moment and the lifestyle is worth it, especially as they’re not married. Maybe she already knew he was a twat but she’d rather be with him than single.

I don’t see why anyone thinks the other woman or her baby are the friend’s problem. She’s got her own kids to worry about, that’s plenty.

It’s a shame for the baby his/her mother chose such a shithead for his/her father. But she knew what she was doing in shagging a man who had a partner and kids, how did she think things would pan out? Again, not the OP’s responsibility.

GranPepper · 07/12/2024 22:46

starmaker1 · 07/12/2024 22:34

I'm not gossiping, none of you know her; I am trying to understand if she can be truly happy or burying her head, she is my friend and I don't know whether or not to speak to her or wait and see if she comes to me, if you don't like the thread you can just skip it and go to one you enjoy and are able to be positive about

Yes, wait as, if your friend wants to speak about it, she will and, if she doesn't, she won't. Her relationship with her DH is nothing to do with you so I wouldn't speculate or interfere. Be a supportive, non-judgemental friend if you want to keep her as a feiend.

Original poster
starmaker1 · 07/12/2024 22:43

@Workingthroughit would you ask if she's ok or just not say anything if she doesn't.
I think about her all the time and how she might be so unhappy but is "getting on with it" I can't get my head around any of it

OP posts:
Workingthroughit · 07/12/2024 22:41

I doubt it will last OP. Would place money on them not being together into their 80s!
Be there for your friend when it all goes tits up.

MissTrip82 · 07/12/2024 22:39

It’s only been a few months. This might be what she’s doing now it might not be what she does when the dust has settled.

Poor woman. And poor kids. A dad prepared to risk his family like that and who is capable of abandoning a child.

Original poster
starmaker1 · 07/12/2024 22:37

@SmileEachDay why, do you know her? I'm sure this happens often. I'm allowed to have a conversation about a situation, I haven't mentioned names locations or any identifying details. Some people really like to moan over nothing

OP posts:
SmileEachDay · 07/12/2024 22:35

I’d be furious if my ‘friend’ posted my intimate, personal details on social media, asking the world to judge me.

Original poster
starmaker1 · 07/12/2024 22:34

I'm not gossiping, none of you know her; I am trying to understand if she can be truly happy or burying her head, she is my friend and I don't know whether or not to speak to her or wait and see if she comes to me, if you don't like the thread you can just skip it and go to one you enjoy and are able to be positive about

OP posts:
SemperIdem · 07/12/2024 22:34

So your friend has stayed with him because separating, especially with such very young children is very hard to do. The other woman knew the risk she was taking, in keeping a baby conceived in the circumstances theirs was.

If he is paying CMS towards this child, that is probably the most they will get from him. It’s not great but is, in these types of situations, more than the average bloke would do.

SmalllChange · 07/12/2024 22:33

ForeverPombear · 07/12/2024 22:29

Glad it wasn't just me that thought this.

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I thought it too.

No-one has to understand why she's staying.

But if they're a friend they'll support her regardless.

Original poster
starmaker1 · 07/12/2024 22:33

I have 2 children 3&6 we have been friends since school and tell each other everything but she has completely stopped talking about this. I think moving and changing things kept her mind a bit busy and I don't want to ask her how she's feeling because I don't want to upset her. I also don't want her being inwardly unhappy and not talking to anyone. I will have to see if she wants to talk in time. But in my head I know it would be all I could think about, especially with the babies being so close together

OP posts:
Periodssuck · 07/12/2024 22:33

ForeverPombear · 07/12/2024 22:29

Glad it wasn't just me that thought this.

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I agree. It’s not your life, and you’re sharing such personal information of someone else.
Just be there to support her if she wants it. Don’t be sharing her private information with others.

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