To think that two grown men could have decided this...?

On the face of it, yes this seems ridiculous. But are you the kind of person who has a very strong idea of how they want things done and thinks their way is the right way (and will definitely let them know that) - or have they been brought up with parents like this?

My parents are like this so, although I try hard not to behave similarly to your DH, on certain things I do have to consciously fight the programming my upbringing gave me (and if you behave like my parents then you have only yourself to blame for your DH not wanting to do something the 'wrong' way)

It's not always straight-forward.
Could you provide a photograph of the cake, and a diagram for the required candle positions.
Thank you

Sound like mummy's boys... mummy did everything for their little prince

Weaponised incompetence: guaranteed way of ensuring your workload gets cut down because you can’t do the most basic of tasks.

Ooh...here we go. A man has turned up to explain why a man's incompetence is a woman's fault.

Well how many men have to rescue their partners when they have car issues or other 'men' jobs (to use the old cliches), there is being genuinely incompetent and there is 'it has to be done my way if not you are useless' so depends on the backstory

Ahh that's good. If it isn't the greatest comedy skit ever I'd like to know what is.

I am a woman who is perfectly competent at many, many things, but married to another woman who frequently criticises the perfectly valid way I choose to do something, because it isn't exactly how she would have done it. Putting candles on a cake would be a good example. It is exceptionally demoralising and frustrating. Just take a moment to reflect on whether you are like that. If not, he's an idiot.

2% think you are being unreasonable OP.
Maybe they just don’t know the answer either 🤯

That’s my joke 🤣🤣🤣

Could they not do it? Or is it that they were worried that they would be told they'd done it wrong?

Some people do not give a shit about things like where candies on a cake would go (a lot of men ime fall into this category). They couldn't care if they were all in a group, or spread out evenly, or all in one corner etc. Some people REALLY care about this (a lot of women ime fall in this category) and would be annoyed if the candles were not artistically arranged on an expensive or special cake.

I know I am like the latter and my DH is the former so he would check with me first as he has no clue what MY expectations are, so wants to checked he doesn't get it "wrong".

If I wasn't around he would just whack the candies any old way which is of course fine. Neither way is actually wrong. Someone is also more likely to do this (want to check) if they will be (or perceive themselves to be) criticised for making the "wrong" choice when actually there's no right or wrong or way of checking, it's just different opinions.

Are you though the wife that is constantly negatively commenting about how your husband does stuff? Always correcting? Not letting husband do anything without making a snide remark? You’re probably not, but some women are, and reflect for a moment if you are. Because if you are I can tell you that it gets to a point where you are so demoralised about always being wrong that you give up trying and just ask, because you can never be right.

Why on earth did you marry this man ? Why ???

I have a different theory about this from seeing how useless some of the male lab members become after getting long-term girlfriends or marrying. I think it stems from when they do something and then their DP says 'not like that' and they get to the point where I've noticed they won't attempt to do simple things anymore because because of the expectation of being told they have done a simple thing wrong (again).

Fork handles... Sorry couldn't help it

DH has on occasion tried to pull this sort of rage inducing bollocks. I have been known to bellow 'You've got two hands and a brain. Now fucking use them' He doesn't do it much now.

I have absolutely no patience whatsoever with apparently fully functioning adults who cannot perform simple tasks.

THIS😂

Oh I dunno...years ago I worked with a woman who had that down to a fine art. Whenever it was her turn to make the drinks it was always "Oh I don't make nice coffee, sorry, I'm making a pot of tea". As in, "I'm doing you a favour here by not making you coffee", and not "I'm a lazy mare who can't be arsed opening a jar of instant & putting a spoon of it into a cup". There were many more examples 😆

^° Don't know why that posted twice!

There's a name for this type of behaviour. Weaponised incompetence,I think? As in,if I just make a complete fuck up of everything I'm asked to do,they won't bother asking me again. I find it's nearly always men who practice this.

There's a name for this type of behaviour. Weaponised incompetence,I think? As in,if I just make a complete fuck up of everything I'm asked to do,they won't bother asking me again. I find it's nearly always men who practice this.

I'm gonna take a guess it was the R word

Having had our DD suffer a febrile convulsion (twice), choke on her own vomit as a baby whilst out shopping and struggle with breathing during an asthma attack, I can say that, no, they don't suddenly discover a level of competence during a crisis.

Each time, I've had a microsecond of panic, followed by a surge of adrenaline that has allowed me to separate panic from action. Whether that's administering basic first aid (that we both learnt at the same time), dialling 999 or shouting for help. Her Dad meanwhile has been stuck in panic, looking at me for instructions on what to do.

He's now an ex so I feel more permitted to say "FFS what do you THINK you should do?" when presented with a stupid question.

Quite. Do they phone their boss every time they need to do a task?

Strange as my husband is clever, has a stressful, time critical job, but putting some candles in a cake doesn’t faze him. My dad, who was very traditional, has never cooked, was the breadwinner, etc., can also put some candles on a cake. He can even light them! Maybe because that’s because he used to smoke cigars back in the day so knows how to use a lighter and not just because he’s just an adult who can do a simple task.

Honestly I don’t know how some people function in real life, let alone find someone who finds this behaviour in anyway attractive and manages to procreate.