AIBU? R.E Birthday Presents

https://www.lettoysbetoys.org.uk/

Don't make your child feel bad for liking cute bunnies ffs. How cruel. My boys loved that type of stuff, don't care about Spiderman, they still are boys with their own interests in vehicles and pokemon.

Please don't perpetuate this moronic and harmful idea of "boys' toys" and "girls' toys".

DS absolutely loved his baby doll and toy kitchen when he was that age. He’s a strapping 15 yr old rugby player now - although does wear bright pink running spikes for athletics! We always let him have whatever toys interested him at the time, he also went through a toy train phase, a ‘police’ phase and a Nerf gun phase.

Toys are just toys. I have a DS, born after DD who had a mix of toys. DS played with what he liked, used to take baby Annabelle to preschool in the buggy aged 3 and used to dress up in DDs dress up clothes. Al perfectly normal and healthy child behaviour.

Your DH is an idiot, what exactly does he think is going to happen if your DS plays with a doll?! As regards other people commenting - that's their problem and I would hope a nursery/preschool etc would correct any child making a comment.

Good Lord you married a caveman.

Be careful because this arsehole behaviour will be sending signals to your DC that they have to "conform" to outdated stereotypes.

Until he was about 4, Gds was entirely happy to play ‘babies’ with his slightly older sister’s dolls, and dress up in anything, however non-boy, from the dressing-up box. I well remember him at 3, coming to tell the grown-ups in the kitchen to please be quiet! - because they’d just put the babies to bed!

He changed his ideas very soon, certainly after starting reception at 4, and at 8 now, wouldn’t be seen dead wearing or doing anything ‘girly’.

He buys half the gifts. You buy half the gifts.

But there are no girls and boys toys. There are just toys.

Diploma, wooden train set, animals, dolls house. They are just toys

Gender is stupid & sexist.

There are records of parents telling their sons ‘only girls play with that / like clothes like that’ & the sons either deciding that they must really be girls (and vice versa), or the parents, clearly monumental idiots, deciding that their children must actually be trans.

So I would be careful from that angle.

There are lots of neutral toys - duplo and similar, my nephew has a big cafe with play food, hate to say it but posher more expensive shops tend to have a more neutral selection.

But the most important thing is to talk to your DH not give away the things he chose without telling him.

@SweetBobby could I ask what makes something a ‘girls’ toy in your opinion? Toys marketed for girls? Pink toys? Baby’s? Doll’s prams?

my husband wears pink, works in marketing directed at females and has been known to change a baby and push a pushchair in his time

20 presents isn’t ginormous; it could be they only get presents for birthdays/christmas and not the rest of the year. It could be there’s not a lot of extended family, who knows- who cares!? Once the kids start opening them 20 won’t seem sickeningly excessive. What if there are 4 small sylvanian sets, would you group them all in one gift so there’s less to open? Kids love presents

Why would you donate instead of returning things? Unless you are afraid of your husband, you need to actually have that argument. Yes, you can let him choose half the things as gifts from him and choose new things from you, but you are going to need to deal with his belief that he can choose how his son plays to for his own gender expectations. Better to have that argument now than in front of your child or when he takes something away from your child.

20 presents? Are you trying to compensate for something?

Either way, I wouldn't buy girls toys for a boy but I know I'll get attacked for that one here. It's too risky these days with everyone trying to trans children based on what they play with.

20....!

I think it's perfectly reasonable to buy whichever toys your child enjoys regardless of gender, but I'd not have bought things I thought my child wouldn't want id have told my husband in the shop. If you are going to donate rather than return, perhaps you can give him some of what hyour husband chose, and pick a few things yourself, and see what he likes before donating. Hes very young and his likes will probably change lots over time

My son is a bit like this, we buy him what he likes. He is 6 and has no idea who spiderman is or whoever else is popular amongst 6 year old boys these days!!

He has lego, playmobil (particularly likes the dog walker/trainer sets!), last year for Christmas he had a dolls house. It's all stuff that allows for open ended imaginative play. We opted for the dolls house last year because he started playing with one in a speech therapy session, loved it, and it encouraged his speech as he was "narrating" his play. These days, there's usually someone from the dolls house getting arrested and "told off" by the lego police officer.

I'd be very tempted to buy my husband something he's not remotely interested in to make a point but that's just me 😆

This is an interesting study.

My DS2 (now 12) was rather gender non-conforming. We just rolled with it and over time his tastes changed. Your son is still so little!

You husband is a dick if he wants to force gender conformity on your son. He's only 3! He should be allowed to live his best make believe life at the moment!

Not going to judge the number.

Then he buys 10 and you buy 10

I was about to post the same. My boy’s most played toy is a play kitchen with all the food accessories. According to many it’s a girls toy 🙄. I didn’t know boys didn’t eat therefore didn’t have any business familiarizing themselves with food and kitchen.

20 presents seems way too many to me but otherwise I agree that gender if child doesn't matter for toys but what they like and what will support their development at a particular age. Discuss with DH again and return some for what you would like to get him

I don't understand, surely your DH is going to know you've done that when your son opens his presents and they're 1) not at all the things you bought together and 2) are things he's already said he doesn't approve of.

So you're just going to have the argument on the celebration day instead of now, may as well have it now and not ruin a special day.

20 presents, you lost me there

Sorry I’m with your DH. He’ll be starting school in a year or two and likely to change his interests completely (same happened with a friends’ boy who played with dolls etc and then changed completely to motorbikes & cars once he started nursery at 4)

He's only two. He hasn't really had much time to express such strong preferences for toys yet.