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AIBU?

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Original poster

Sent husband away whilst I’m in the pub

40 replies

ElleDeeCB · 07/12/2024 15:38

I’m sitting in a pub having a bite to eat for 90mins whilst my child is at an activity. I suggested to my DH he could come join me for a catch up and childfree time once he’d finished some work he needed to do. I arrived first and then 20mins later DH turned up in pub in his running gear, very sweaty and out of breath. He’d decided to run to the pub and stop off en route, incorporating it into his exercise regime. I quizzed him and said that I thought it was a bit strange to stop off in the pub like this. Honestly, I didn’t really want to sit next to him all sweaty on the seats like this. It’s not an especially fancy pub, but everyone is eating. He said he could just continue his run, and I said OK sure.

AIBU to have sent him on his way? I just felt it was a bit grim for me and the other punters for him to turn up like this, but I know he’ll sulk about it or say I’m being uptight.

OP posts:
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Ablondiebutagoody · 07/12/2024 18:36

I think that wearing a headband is unreasonable. You did the right thing

diddl · 07/12/2024 18:28

I suggested to my DH he could come join me for a catch up and childfree time once he’d finished some work he needed to do.

Couldn't he just have come with you & done the work later?

Did he even finish the work before the run?

Seems I'm in a minority but I think it was a really odd thing for him to have done.

Dweetfidilove · 07/12/2024 18:11

NewPinkJacket · 07/12/2024 18:01

Given the update, I think it's all pretty much clickbait hyperbole.

Show quote history

Seems like it 😕

needsomewarmsunshine · 07/12/2024 18:03

gannett · 07/12/2024 16:40

The sulking doesn't appear to exist? OP says she sent him on his way and he did so happily

Show quote history

Last paragraph OP says" But I know he'll sulk about it or say I'm being uptight."

NewPinkJacket · 07/12/2024 18:01

Dweetfidilove · 07/12/2024 17:23

I lol'd at - 'I quizzed him' 😅. I hope that's hyperbole.

That being said, I understand your disappointment. Is communication usually an issue? The sulking may be indicative of that. I'd expect a partner to understand that an invitation to join you for a meal, dyring 90 precious minutes of childfree time, is not the time to pack in a run, a stop and turn up sweaty ☹️.

Given the update, I think it's all pretty much clickbait hyperbole.

CookieMonster28 · 07/12/2024 17:48

I could understand if he was dripping with sweat and stinking! Otherwise wouldn't have minded

loulouljh · 07/12/2024 17:46

Too uptight...who cares. Its the sort of thing I would do by the way....a good use of time.

Original poster
ElleDeeCB · 07/12/2024 17:26

I’ve been trying to understand why I don’t like being around him when he’s just finished exercising and is very sweaty, and I don’t think it’s off-putting from him - as he doesn’t get very smelly and he’s in good shape and I find him attractive. I think it’s because I can’t help but imagine how I feel when I’m sweaty from exercise, which I dislike and get itchy and need to wash myself as soon as I can. So I think it is me being uptight in a way.

OP posts:
Dweetfidilove · 07/12/2024 17:23

I lol'd at - 'I quizzed him' 😅. I hope that's hyperbole.

That being said, I understand your disappointment. Is communication usually an issue? The sulking may be indicative of that. I'd expect a partner to understand that an invitation to join you for a meal, dyring 90 precious minutes of childfree time, is not the time to pack in a run, a stop and turn up sweaty ☹️.

Original poster
ElleDeeCB · 07/12/2024 17:21

@NewPinkJacket yes probably not the right choice of phrase. He said he could just continue on his run, and I said ‘yes sure that’s OK’.
@gannett I wasn’t either really - I just said ‘oh did you run here- are you not stopping?’ And he said that he was, and I said ‘oh I’m not sure, don’t you think it’s a bit strange if you’re in the middle of a run’? I was being a bit vague as I didn’t want to embarrass him about being sweaty / wearing running clothes in the pub, instead implying that he wouldn’t want to stop and eat halfway. But I think he could tell I felt a bit uncomfortable.

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Whyherewego · 07/12/2024 17:17

Oh wow. I'd be quite happy to run to a pub and be a bit sweaty and out of breath. And wouldn't bother me likewise if someone in a pub was too. Seems like lots of sensitive peeps out there

gannett · 07/12/2024 17:15

ElleDeeCB · 07/12/2024 17:06

@RubyRedBow yes if absolutely have done that - except the pub is the other side of town from our house.
In general I’m not embarrassed by him whatsoever, quite the opposite, and I’m very proud of him for keeping fit and running marathons etc. it was just scenario I found a bit strange and uncomfortable and I was surprised that he didn’t think so (usually a very polite and somewhat formal person).
And his sulking would be if he felt I was disapproving of him, which I am in a way, so I wanted to gauge from others how unreasonable it was of me.

I mean I guess it depends on your tone? If you said you didn't want him to sit there because he was gross and sweaty in a jokey way that's one thing but if you were horrified and had a cat's bum mouth I'd be put out as well. We runners do know we're a bit gross and sweaty - DP sometimes acts mock-horrified when I come home dripping but that's far from actual disgust!

NewPinkJacket · 07/12/2024 17:14

AIBU to have sent him on his way?

You make him sound like an animal.

You didn't really 'send' him anywhere though if he said he could just continue on his run.

But yes, you do sound uptight.

PromoJoJo · 07/12/2024 17:14

This reply has been withdrawn

Withdrawn at the poster's request.

Original poster
ElleDeeCB · 07/12/2024 17:13

If it makes any difference, this was a city centre pub - not near a sports ground or on a route for cyclists and hikers.

OP posts:
Original poster
ElleDeeCB · 07/12/2024 17:06

@RubyRedBow yes if absolutely have done that - except the pub is the other side of town from our house.
In general I’m not embarrassed by him whatsoever, quite the opposite, and I’m very proud of him for keeping fit and running marathons etc. it was just scenario I found a bit strange and uncomfortable and I was surprised that he didn’t think so (usually a very polite and somewhat formal person).
And his sulking would be if he felt I was disapproving of him, which I am in a way, so I wanted to gauge from others how unreasonable it was of me.

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Anotherparkingthread · 07/12/2024 17:00

I'd sulk with you too. How controlling. Are you jealous that he cares about his fitness?

I run often and will sometimes fit one in by doing things like this. Otherwise I'd not have time and I would end up out of shape and a mess. Nobody in the pub will care they will have all seen far worse than a sweaty man in running gear. How sweaty could he possibly get in 20 minutes?

Allfur · 07/12/2024 16:51

I would think its great he's fitting exercise into his life

ClicketyClickPlusOne · 07/12/2024 16:48

Sounds as if he was trying to multi task.

Possibly a little bit prissy and controlling to dismiss him like that .

it was an opportunistic moment , not a ‘night out’, he was busy, you fancied some company, but apparently on your terms.

Arguably. From his pov.

gannett · 07/12/2024 16:40

needsomewarmsunshine · 07/12/2024 16:36

The sulking can fuck right off for a start, that would really annoy me more than anything else.

The sulking doesn't appear to exist? OP says she sent him on his way and he did so happily

Coconutter24 · 07/12/2024 16:39

ElleDeeCB · 07/12/2024 15:49

No he’d not planned a run, I think he just decided he’d prefer to do that than meet me. This is fine, but I don’t want to have to put up with any sulking when I get home later - unless I deserve it!

If that’s the case he got to continue with his run which is what you’re saying he’d prefer to do so why would he sulk? Won’t he be pleased he did t have to stay?

needsomewarmsunshine · 07/12/2024 16:36

The sulking can fuck right off for a start, that would really annoy me more than anything else.

RubyRedBow · 07/12/2024 16:33

I’d have been nice and said finish your run, have a shower and pop over and we’ll have a drink.

You sound a bit embarrassed by him.

gannett · 07/12/2024 16:31

Anothernamechane · 07/12/2024 16:19

It wouldn't bother me until you said headband. Is he a 118 man? I've never seen anyone wearing a headband for running irl.

I wear a headband for running and so do a few runners I know - it's to stop sweat getting in your eyes.

I've gone to the pub loads of times after sport/running but if it was after a run (which gets me sweatier than most things) and I wasn't going to be in a beer garden, I'd take a towel and change of top if I could - it wouldn't be very comfortable for me at all otherwise. Might depend on the pub and how busy it was. Don't really think either OP or her husband are especially unreasonable here.

Original poster
ElleDeeCB · 07/12/2024 16:26

Headband is more of a close-fitting jersey hat type thing - not like the 118 adverts haha. Sorry I didn’t describe it very well.

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