to be too exhausted by training contract to have sex

Sex is generally relaxing unless you're into swinging from chandeliers or having it in public. Have sex, wind down, sleep.
Mind, when people tell you who they are, believe them.

I think you are probably going to have to make a choice, it doesn't sound as if this relationship is going to go the difference while you are in this career.

I am surprised that more people haven't picked up on your comment about shopping and washing up. Is he not doing at least half of this?

I feel like once a week is pretty good going !

Agree with all the above. YANBU.

It sounds like OP is only just getting to grips with the reality of a legal career, so her OH can’t have been expected to know. My point is, if OP’s and her OH have such different values it won’t work long term.

I’m assuming he knew what her career was when he married her.

So find a partner who shares the same values.

Ex Big 4 accountant here (long retired).

I worked with many many trainees over the years. Of the few who were in established relationships before they were hired a noticeable % split because their other half couldn't cope with them "having a better job". For some their relationships became coercive.

Relationships made through work, especially if cultivated post qual, seem more robust.

I think it gets progressively harder until you’ve been an equity partner for a few years, and then it gets easier (although still the same amount of work- it’s just you’ve been round the block enough times to manage how it affects you).

Obviously you shouldn’t be having sec you don’t want. But I’d also suggest thinking about long term plans and how you see things going. The thing that’s making it extra hard is the SQE but other things will come along after that, so you need to find an MO that works for you long term. Minimise everything that isn’t either work or pleasure- get a cleaner, get your shopping delivered etc etc.

Also private practice isn’t for everyone, but would suggest you qualify and get a few years’ pqe to maximise your options.

I also hate this rhetoric that because she is prioritising her career, a career that is demanding but I’m assuming also brings her joy, that this is somehow wrong and his needs matter first and foremost. How many men are in high powered careers who would be given a hard time like this? Not many I don’t think.

You are being unreasonable to blame it solely on work/studying. But you can decline sex for any reason you want (or even no reason at all). If someone doesn't want sex, they don't want sex, and that should be the end of the matter - or it should lead to a constructive discussion on your sex life/libido.

On the other hand, it is the weekend - is the work and studying really that demanding that you can't even manage a saturday morning quickie? Sex is usually a good temporary distraction from the stresses of life, and the endorphins released can set up your mood for the rest of the day.

So it's fine to not want sex, but it's not really fine to simply blame it on work and shout at your partner about it.

You are not being unreasonable. You are not a sex toy that he can expect to turn on whenever he fancies it. You are a human being and he needs to understand and appreciate that sex is not something you are willing to “guarantee” for him a certain amount of times a week.

If he’s feeling rejected then that is his own cross to bear. I detest this idea that men only feel loved when their partner is having sex / being sexual with them. What about cooking him a meal? Does that count as love and affection for him? Cleaning the house? Being interested in his day? All of these things are acts of love. It is infantile (and sadly very common even in the most kind and decent of men) to see sex as the only way they confirm their partners love for them.

As a senior associate I can guarantee life never gets easier. Right now you’re not responsible for any of your own work. He is ofc being unreasonable but as a general pointer you’re going to need to factor in whether you can lead this kind of life until you retire

Just to agree that she is totally right.

For the exact reasons @boysinbars and others in the experience and know have given.

Your responsibilities at work are going to get way, way more in the way of your life and if you can't cope with the relationship aspects, coping with any children arising from the relationship on top of everything else if you go down that route will be even harder.

Sounds really harsh, but is true. Just have a look at the statistics...

Time for a chat and the necessary adjustments on how this is going to work between you.

How is he on the domestic front e.g. cooking/shopping/laundry? I would think you may be more likely to be in the mood if he relieved those chores from your load

YANBU

Pretty useless and unhelpful comment. Considering how hard it is to get TCs now, the OP is lucky to have one. I’m sure she is hoping to just get through the training in order to start on her career, so being told she chose this doesn’t help at all.

OP I’m a training principle and the SQE is rife with problems. Doing your training and studying will be so hard and exhausting. To be honest, unless you want to jack it all in and effectively jack in the career, you have to put up with the workload unless it’s really taking a physical and mental toll that’s making you ill. what does your superviser say about it all?
Once you qualify you will have so much more scope to move somewhere less pressured.

What you need is a loving supportive partner looking after you not someone throwing their toys out of their pram because you won’t put out. Get rid of the man and keep the job.

I am a lawyer, now locum in house. I have a great work life balance and can dictate my hours around my family.

Tell your husband you might be less tired and more interested if he helped out - why is it you who is doing the washing up and going to the shops? Does he do any other domestic chores - laundry, cooking, cleaning etc or does that all fall to you as well?

I was a lawyer. It was miserable. No time for kids, partner, home life, social life.

Snap!

You are absolutely not being unreasonable.

Having said that - this is your life for quite a long time if you're going into law in the city.

If there are tensions already, is it worth continuing the relationship if it will only hold you back at this crucial point in your career?

You don't give that much context so obviously different if you've been together 20 years and have kids - but if you're young this indicates maybe it won't last the distance?

His reaction is unreasonable, OP, you are allowed to say no to sex without getting a stroppy attitude from your partner. But a work life like that doesn’t leave room for a personal life. Why does law and accounting demand such long hours from people?

Absolutely not being unreasonable, your body, your life, your choice.

Can't decide yet, I thought you had a contract to have sex when I first read the title!