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AIBU?

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Original poster

He says I love a painting more than him

339 replies

BeLimeTiger · 07/12/2024 13:28

I have a painting in my living room that was a gift from my ex who was an art collector. I didn’t make a secret of where it came from when he asked me a couple of years back. It’s of a bird, so not a sexy nude or a scene from a place we went together. I agreed that we wouldn’t have it in a prominent place if we bought a house together (I was thinking maybe in a spare room). He said last night that it feels really uncomfortable about it (he now lives in my house) and compared it to him having a picture of his ex on the wall. I love it as a piece of art and don’t think of my ex when I look at it. I could sell it but the stubborn part of me wonders why I should get rid of something I love to make someone else happy. We’ve been together for over 3 years and my experience of him is that he’s not jealous or controlling.

I felt completely blindsided by him suddenly bringing it up last night and he took my reluctance to agree to take it down as a sign that I love the painting more than him.

YABU- sell the painting. Your DP feels uncomfortable about it being in the house
YANBU- sell it when you buy somewhere together

OP posts:
LaDamaDeElche · 08/12/2024 18:21

Don’t get rid of it at all. I wear a pair of diamond studs every day that my ex husband bought for me. I’ve worn them for years and I love them. I don’t think of him when I look at myself in the mirror. I think it’s pretty controlling and insecure of him to even think this. It’s not like you’ve got photos of the two of you together up around the house. That would be something that would be understandable to be bothered about, this no.

CarterBeatsTheDevil · 08/12/2024 18:21

Washingupdone · 08/12/2024 18:03

So, if you didn’t agree would he say he would have to move out, you are making him and child homeless therefore he would need part value of your own house?

How do you think he'd have a claim to OP's house? It's her house and they're not married. If the relationship ends he can go back to renting a flat.

DisabledDemon · 08/12/2024 18:19

Keep the painting. It's beautiful and doesn't whine.

TeabySea · 08/12/2024 18:16

NotbloodyGivingupYet · 07/12/2024 19:30

He didn't want to live in it because you bought it with an ex???
That was your first big red flag. He's possessive and jealous, be very careful with this one. He's just turned the heat up beneath you to a low simmer. You'll be a boiled frog before you know it.

I agree. He sounds ridiculous.

StarkleLittleTwink · 08/12/2024 18:07

He’s a W ⚓️

MissScarletInTheBallroom · 08/12/2024 18:06

Keep the painting, ditch the partner.

OhcantthInkofaname · 08/12/2024 18:05

I can't vote, because I don't think you should get rid of the painting at all. And for god sakes please don't buy a house with him. I would reassess the whole relationship at this point. I certainly hope he is paying his way.

Washingupdone · 08/12/2024 18:03

So, if you didn’t agree would he say he would have to move out, you are making him and child homeless therefore he would need part value of your own house?

Whitste1 · 08/12/2024 18:03

This is utterly ridiculous! My DH has numerous gifts from ex GF taking pride of place in our house because he likes what they are. He was bought a really expensive chess board by one, which he uses all the time.

I too have a piece of art, an original that my ex bought me and I love it, so there's no way it'd be going anywhere. Plus it reminds me of the happy times I had with him.

Be wary, OP as he seems very insecure and this could be a very slippery slope now he's moved in your home. All the other commands could start creeping in if he gets his way on this.

Who do these barrell scraping imbiciles think they are?!

TheCanaryInThePurpleSkirt · 08/12/2024 18:02

Sorry to inform you but your partner is insecure and controlling. What do you get rid of next… items of jewellery/a favourite dress? Your kids? You HAD a life before him. It helped make you the person you are, the person he likes/loves?

What you do now will determine this man’s actions in future.

In my second marriage, I wasn’t supposed to have loved or cared about anyone, including my son’s father. It was hopeless. I LOVED my second husband more than I’d loved anyone but his lack of emotional maturity in this matter, was ultimately why I divorced him, reluctant as I was.

JohnTheRevelator · 08/12/2024 17:59

Personally I think he is being ridiculous. It's not as if you've got a portrait of your ex on the wall!

Wibblywobblyses · 08/12/2024 17:56

if it was a picture of your ex, perhaps then he may have a point. It’s a picture of a bloomin’ bird and you love it. My response would be to tell him that the bird stays. Otherwise it becomes controlling behaviour because if roles were reversed, you would not expect this of him.

Perhaps he needs to go on an art appreciation course? or better still - how to keep his ego in check and grow up. Yes, you had a life before him. He needs to get over it and stop being so immature.

Sometimesright · 08/12/2024 17:53

ShouldIEvenBother · 07/12/2024 13:36

This^

He's being ridiculous. And controlling. Although you've not seen signs of him being controlling before OP, make no mistake - this is the start of it.

But by all means, test the theory out. Give it to a friend or relative to 'look after' for you, and when you start seeing more signs of his controlling behaviour you can ship him out and get your painting back.

Show quote history

This! Absolutely this!

MounjaroUser · 08/12/2024 17:49

Bloody hell, this man has landed on his feet, hasn't he?

Where's your room for yourself? Where can you go to if you need some time on your own?

J3001 · 08/12/2024 17:46

Get rid of him

Judecb · 08/12/2024 17:46

You will regret selling it and always resent him for it. Can you ask a friend to store it for a while and let the dust settle?

Facescar77 · 08/12/2024 17:42

I voted you're not unreasonable but I don't think you should get rid of it at all. Take it down if it means that much to him but he is being over dramatic! It's not like your ex painted it!

Grammarnut · 08/12/2024 17:40

pinkdelight · 08/12/2024 10:46

PP makes a very good point. He has actual children who are living breathing evidence of his past relationship. And he's got the hump about a painting???

Looking at the bigger picture (no pun intended), you've massively accommodated him already, so it's pathetic for him to invoke the 'if you really loved me' line about this non-issue. You've already prioritised him in housing him and his DC and yet he still needs to mark his territory like this and throw a strop when he doesn't get his own way immediately. It's deeply unattractive.

Sounds like OP should ditch the new DP rather than the picture!

LaughingCat · 08/12/2024 17:39

One of my exes comes to our gaming nights and my DH is friendly with a couple of others when we see them. If I had to throw away everything an ex had given me, The past is the past - you are being perfectly reasonable OP, and I wouldn’t get rid of the painting at all.

Grammarnut · 08/12/2024 17:38

Sisterwinter1969 · 08/12/2024 17:32

Ask yourself how you would feel if it was the other way around.

It wouldn't bother me. If one is going to be unhappy about anything to do with an ex then clothes, furniture, children, all must go on the scrapheap.
My late DH had pictures painted by his third wife (I was his fourth) and though they were not on the walls (her work, after all) they were around in folders in our art room (we both painted) and nor would I either destroy them or throw them away. Ditto pictures of his DC with his second wife. DS with first wife is now my DSS and treats me with the greatest kindness e.g. built a pergola for me when we took down his DF's man cave (of no use to me), arranged laying of a patio, fixed things in house etc. Also worked with my DD to arrange my DH's funeral, of course.

Iceboy80 · 08/12/2024 17:33

If it was a photo of you and your ex then that would be a definite get rid of it but just a picture of a bird your ex happened to buy, what about the couch, fridge or kitchen he may have contributed to also would he want you to get rid of that also?

Grammarnut · 08/12/2024 17:32

His problem. You are with him, not the ex. And if it's a good picture - you say ex was an art collector so it's an original by someone known? - I'd put it in the living room (and get it insured - do you know if it's valuable?).

Sisterwinter1969 · 08/12/2024 17:32

Ask yourself how you would feel if it was the other way around.

WingingItFTM · 08/12/2024 17:30

TomatoSandwiches · 07/12/2024 13:33

I wouldn't get rid of it at all, this is his problem to get over.

👆 this!

Treeof · 08/12/2024 10:51

Your DH is being pathetic. My DH’s ex also did art as a hobby - never met her, she pre dated me by a few years and lives in another part of the country. They split amicably but are no longer in touch. We have a couple of her landscape paintings up the house. I don’t understand why I should have an issue with it?