He says I love a painting more than him

I’m amazed you’re even thinking about taking a much loved painting down - this sounds like his controlling behaviour. Plus doesn’t like your house because you lived in it with your ex years ago? Red flags alert!

100 %

But why should she hide it away? You reach maturity and chances are you have loved, collected memories and presumably if you’ve committed to someone else, it is because you are with/love THEM.

I admire people who can look at a relationship and despite the bad bits, can move forward and acknowledge that once (ONCE) you cared for them or even something they left behind.

I think this will be just the beginning for the OP, on this. It’s a painting. It’s been in her life for a long time and she loves it. And that’s the issue.

Don't get rid of it. He needs to grow up.

I wouldn't sell it at all even if you buy a place together in the future. However I would take it down from where it is and put it in your spare room/office or into storage if you don't have a spare room/office.

I can understand how he feels tbh, but noone knows what the future holds so you shouldn't sell it just because he has asked you to.

And, that old wedding album? I hid it. For years, it was in the bottom of a bedding box in my son’s bedroom. I honestly (over 16yrs) had forgotten what I’d done with it. I relocated the bedding box to a different room and when taking everything out to make moving easier, there it was. My son, who’s now 24yrs old said “I remember this, you looked like a princess, mum. It’s hard to imagine you and dad were that happy once” 😊

I think that’s what’s the problem here. Your boyfriend doesn’t like to see you’ve been happy/once loved another man. It’s that simple.

My exH “disapproved” of me and my son, aged 10, looking at the wedding album of his dad (1st husband) and I getting married. We were only together 5 yrs and then first husband said he didn’t want the responsibility of being a dad/husband. Off he went.

Years went by and I married (I thought) an adult. He had 3 kids; was a great dad/stepdad. But… after the wedding the endless insecurity and emotional immaturity. He disapproved of Facebook. I came off it. He disapproved of my young son and I looking at old photos of me, my son and first exH. He disapproved of me talking to my son about the good times when me and his dad were together. God knows, there were very few of them, but who wants a ten year old to know that. He disapproved of me caring about an old flame from 32yrs before, whom I’d kept in contact with and who’d become quite ill. He disapproved. And threatened me endlessly with divorce. In the end he told me I had autonomy but had a tantrum worthy of a 5 yr old in a supermarket because my son’s dad would hug me when he came to collect his son for the weekend. Eventually, I’d say “I’ll be out with the dog when he comes/drops off”. I had NO FEELINGS for my exes. Not “like that”. I loved “the adult”.

In the end, I gave him the divorce he baited me with. It broke my heart.

OP, listen to me. This man has issues. He has come into your life and may stay. If he doesn’t, you may find one day, that the painting you gave up was the least of the things you regret.

I didn’t vote because both options have you selling the painting, but you love it, and I think you will regret selling it. I also agree that this man is really spreading out in your house. Manspreading, if you will. Please be a bit wary of what he starts to control or to lay claim to.

Agree with this.

OMG is he 5! You love the painting more than me! 🤣

It’s definitely HIS problem. I have a Mackenzie Thorpe from an ex. My OH doesn’t particularly like the picture but has no problem with me having it up or who it came from. It really screams insecurity and controlling tbh. I would not get rid of the pic - I think it’s destined to be with you longer than him! 😄 sorry but he’s showing you who he is.

I know of a retired person had to take out a mortgage on the house she owned as he would have been made homeless after some years living in her house.

Get rid of him and keep the painting @BeLimeTiger

I wouldn’t get rid of any of my art to please anyone.

Absolutely do NOT get rid of it, you’ll regret it. Me and my ex partner bought a beautiful art deco mirror together when we moved in 10 years ago. We split after 18 months of living together and rather than sell it and split the money, he told me I should keep the mirror (because I adored it). I’ve had it in every house I’ve had since and I love it as an object - I feel completely neutral about the existence of my ex and don’t associate him with the mirror at all. When I met my now husband (6 years ago) I was upfront about where the mirror came from and he was totally cool because he is a grown up and recognises that loving an object (because it’s special, timeless, interesting, pretty etc) is not the same as holding onto feelings for an ex. To the extent that it currently hangs on a wall in our bedroom because he agrees that it’s stunning. It sounds like your partner has some deeper insecurities and retrospective jealousy about your ex. I would approach it firmly with him and say something like “this painting is really special to me as an individual and therefore I’m not willing to sell it. I want to reassure you that my love for this painting is entirely separate to any feelings I used to have for my ex partner. From what you’ve said so far it seems like you’re feeling threatened by me holding onto a gift from an ex - let’s talk about that more?”. Put the shoe on the other foot and ask him: if your ex girlfriend had bought you the new PlayStation and you really enjoyed playing on it, would it be reasonable for me to ask you to get rid of it just because your ex girlfriend bought it?

Whatever you do, don’t sell that painting - imagine if you split up later down the line and you gave an object you love so much away for a man who was threatened by a bird painting.

My god, barely spoken to you?!

Jeez this guy needs kicking all the way to the scrapheap if he's punishing you for wanting to keep something that was on the scene well before he ever was.

Get rid now because this is where it all starts to go down hill rapid!

Strange response. Almost as if he's testing you or has created an issue in his mind. If you love the painting, keep it.

Unless you're very young or have never been in a relationship we're all going to have things we bring from previous relationships into new ones; favourite songs, recipes, places visited and, for both of you, DC. You can't just ditch everything from the past and wipe the slate clean. Your partner is being ridiculous OP. If he doesn't like your house and possessions he can find his own.

Nhmm, not a fan of either option as don't think you should have to get rid at all. We have artwork in my house that is by my DH's ex girlfriend, I love the pieces so we have them up - no reason to be insecure imo

Tell him that it's NOT like having a pic of his ex on the wall, it's like him having a picture of a bird on the wall. It's not of your ex and it's not even like your ex painted it. I would tell him the issue here is his deep insecurity and not the painting and that's something he can only fix for himself, you can't do it for him

🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩

This Is the start of him being a controlling arse. Tell him to grow up. I hope you’ve made sure he cannot have any stake in your property!

You will regret selling your painting, especially as it's not you who wants to get rid of it. If he has that kind of reaction and insecurity over a piece of art, it speaks volumes about him. It's your house, your painting. He needs to grow up and accept it

There should be a third option. Keep the painting you love and tell him to get over his insecurities.

Is there any reason why you're not answering the question about his financial contributions to the household. Is he getting a free ride?

So. He's managed to move past the HOUSE which you bought with an ex, presumably because he's benefitting massively form having his own office as well as a bedroom for his children.

But a single painting, of a bird which you enjoy, from an ex, keeping that is a statement that you love the ex more than you love him.

Why isn't keeping the house also a statement that you love that ex more than you love him?

Honestly OP, his discomfort over this is very much how my bfs in my 20s were. We were young, we would fret over photos and mementos of previous partners. However, once you're far enough into adulthood, you grow enough to realise that if we got rid of everything someone purchased with someone else, or was from someone else, we'd need to clear everything out. It's unhinged and controlling if he's now barely speaking to you.

And for the 'gender switch' crowd who have of course already commented: yes, if it were a man whose house had been moved into, and he had a painting of a bird on the wall from his ex and he loved that painting, I would also say the woman needs to just grow up and deal with it. Or get her own place if it's making her that uncomfortable.

I agree with this