He says I love a painting more than him

Oh dear. You have seen the red flags, fear that something is amiss, sought advice and are now ignoring it. You now feel the picture you have enjoyed for many years has lost something for you. Which was the desired outcome, all along.

You will need to learn the hard way. You will be diminished in this relationship, over time. Your self esteem will evaporate.

OP this really doesn’t bode well. Don’t be subservient and useful to this man and his child to your own detriment.

You should love the art all the more because it can remind you that you stood your ground.

Ask him why he is jealous of a picture of a bird

Read that back to yourself.

You've given him the exclusive use of two whole rooms in YOUR house (not including your bedroom which you share with him) and he's begrudging you space on the wall in YOUR house to hang YOUR painting.

The red flags are there. You are choosing to ignore them.

If you didn't even live with the person, then your current partner is being even more ridiculous than I previously thought!!

I really hope that you decide to assert yourself over this OP. I understand that you want this relationship to work, but telling you to get rid of a piece of art, and making such a fuss about it, is completely out of order, and VERY controlling! You may not want to hear that, but it's true, and if you stick with him, and do as he wants you to do, how long will it be, before he wants to change something else about YOUR home, or YOU, or YOUR friends or family? Please DON'T fall into this trap, as it can be so subtle that you don't realise what is happening, and then one day you realise that he now controls every area of your life, and you no longer make decisions for yourself, without checking what he thinks first. Often by the time you reach this point, you've lost so much confidence in yourself, and your decisions, that you don't know how to get out of the situation. That's when you'll be back to MN asking for help again. You have been warned!

@BlueFlowers5... This is unbelievable .
Can I ask how was your relationship with him did other areas of your life become controlled.
I'm glad he is your ex that's another level x

I wouldn't like 'do this or you don't love me' or the cold and silent treatment whatever the upset behind it.

You won't get anything like the true value of the painting if you do sell it, which is another point against selling it.

I'd find someone who thought a photo of a Banksy to be art to be rather unattractive too, if I'm honest.

I agree. Also though this isn't the first time he has tried to take control. Firstly he tried by telling OP that he couldn't possibly move into OP's house that she originally bought with an ex. Then when he realised he was getting nowhere with that line of argument, he agreed to move in and commandeered a couple of rooms for him and his children. Now he's trying something new - the painting which I'm assuming he's known about for years but has suddenly become an issue. I bet if OP said 'OK, well you might have to move out then', he'd soon drop it. He's pushing at the door seeing how much control he can take over OP and her house and probably family.

Sounds a tad controlling. My DH is this and I'm tryig to break free. Beware. Good luck. Keep the painting for sure!

'Discomfort'...Seriously, it's a painting, an object that has been in his sight for all the time he and the OP have been in the relationship and NOW he decides that it upsets his sensibilities?! 🙄
'The fact that you're questioning it so much shows there's something not quite right with the relationship'...You're right there but not in the way that you think! The something 'not quite right' is the immature, unreasonable and petulant attitude of her DP regarding the painting after all the time they have been together! 😮
'it must mean a lot to him to bring it up'...Something has triggered his need to 'control the narrative' and this is what he has chosen to begin with, if the OP capitulates to this ridiculous request it is just the start and will spur him on to more irrationality under the premise that it's 'because he loves her so much'...'supposition' I hear you say but this looks very much like the beginning of textbook 'gaslighting' and I think the OP knows this already...😥

But he is jealous and trying to be controlling.
And he’s immature and a bit pathetic.

That's a rather different scenario, and totally insane on his part.

⬆️ THIS.

May I ask a question @BeLimeTiger ? Does this man have any past adult romantic relationships where he’s moved on amicably and in adult fashion? Or, does he employ a scorched earth, burning of bridges and wiping exes (who done him wrong) metaphorically off the face of the earth?

Put it up for sale, tell him to buy from you & then gift it back to you, problem solved! it's no longer a present from your ex.
Seriously though, ask him why it bothers him so much. I'm sure you have a lot of presents from others he's not bothered about so why is this painting such an issue for him. What ever you do do not get rid of it as this will set a precedence for future irks he may have.

Does he want you to erase all memories of your past from your mind that doesn't involve him too.
Don't sell at all he doesn't understand art.
If he can't accept gifts bought for you from a person that is now in your past then I would see this as a red flag childish and insecure .
We accept each others pasts with security in grown up mature relationships.
Keep being you always that includes keeping your painting xx

@BeLimeTiger

I am giving the detail of my own experience because my exH was a good man and stepdad He could be a loving husband but… deep down he was a scared and insecure man who had emotions he couldn’t deal with. The control starts small and grows from there.

Don’t marry this man. Keep your own home. Live with him if you love him. Marry him? Buy a house with him? No! The painting will be in the loft and it’ll be “something else” he’ll strop about.

@Whitste1 Has put it quite succinctly…

“…He hates the fact you once mixed in highbrow circles with your art loving ex who probably provided stimulating conversations, so that makes him feel insecure and now he's not talking to you because you refuse to adhere to his wishes…”

A short time into my second marriage, we had a row and I was threatened with divorce (for the umpteenth time) because “You’re always looking at Rightmove”! I was. a) because I’m a nosy mare and b) because I was tired of his daughter telling me, when an inebriated 15yr old that “This house isn’t my home with “Her” and her precious son here”. It was always my ExH and my plan (in those lovely pre-marriage days) to club together and buy “our” home where we could ALL be happy and welcome and blended. Never happened. He told me I was “ungrateful”. That the home he’d provided was clearly not good enough. WTF 🤦‍♀️

@BeLimeTiger Sharpen those mother tiger claws. You and yours are in danger here! 🚩 🚩🚩

I removed the Rightmove app from my iPad and begged him not to divorce me. And afraid of a second divorce and rending my son and I effectively homeless (I’d put every penny of my former house sale into his/our home when I moved in) told him I was sorry; that I loved our home together; loved him. What I ought to have said:- stop being an insecure person and fuck telling me what I can read/look at/do. It took me YEARS to say reluctantly, “here’s your DIVORCE”.

This is just the beginning. Run, metaphorically speaking. He needs to leave.

I think it would be different if the ex had painted it maybe? In this case I think he should get over it.

I agree, keep the painting, get rid of the boyfriend asap!

I wouldn't sell it at all. He's in YOUR house? What an insecure and controlling tosser.

Absolutely this.

@BeLimeTiger Make sure your house remains yours. Ideally don't marry him, and if you do buy a place with him in future make sure your contribution is ringfenced.

BUT he decided he'd move in anyway BECAUSE it's far cheaper than renting a flat on top of paying child maintenance etc! Plus, gets an office as well a kids bedroom thrown in for good measure and now he's telling you what you can and can't have in YOUR OWN HOUSE!

He hates the fact you once mixed in highbrow circles with your art loving ex who probably provided stimulating conversations, so that makes him feel insecure and now he's not talking to you because you refuse to adhere to his wishes

This whole situation makes my blood boil because these types go on to take half your property if you haven't got all the legalities watertight, especially if you married the joker. Let me guess though, he'd challenge this because then that'd mean you didn't trust him, right? Wow, wow, wow.....!