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AIBU?

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Original poster

He says I love a painting more than him

339 replies

BeLimeTiger · 07/12/2024 13:28

I have a painting in my living room that was a gift from my ex who was an art collector. I didn’t make a secret of where it came from when he asked me a couple of years back. It’s of a bird, so not a sexy nude or a scene from a place we went together. I agreed that we wouldn’t have it in a prominent place if we bought a house together (I was thinking maybe in a spare room). He said last night that it feels really uncomfortable about it (he now lives in my house) and compared it to him having a picture of his ex on the wall. I love it as a piece of art and don’t think of my ex when I look at it. I could sell it but the stubborn part of me wonders why I should get rid of something I love to make someone else happy. We’ve been together for over 3 years and my experience of him is that he’s not jealous or controlling.

I felt completely blindsided by him suddenly bringing it up last night and he took my reluctance to agree to take it down as a sign that I love the painting more than him.

YABU- sell the painting. Your DP feels uncomfortable about it being in the house
YANBU- sell it when you buy somewhere together

OP posts:
allthatfalafel · 07/12/2024 14:10

If it were me it would be turning up everywhere he went. Booked a hotel room? Guess what's on the wall. Going to a friend's? Turns out they also have one. Birthday card from family? Look what print they've chosen.

HardlyLikely · 07/12/2024 14:07

CucumberBagel · 07/12/2024 14:03

That's the opposite of smart.

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Yes, that’s more ‘allowing my boyfriend’s ridiculous projection onto an inanimate object to be more important than my own affection for said object’.

Whoowhoopitstbesoundofthedapolice · 07/12/2024 14:07

TomatoSandwiches · 07/12/2024 13:33

I wouldn't get rid of it at all, this is his problem to get over.

Agreed .. in fact, I think I'd be quite forceful in telling him to get over it or get tae!

SilverChampagne · 07/12/2024 14:06

CucumberBagel · 07/12/2024 14:03

That's the opposite of smart.

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Quite!

HardenYourHeart · 07/12/2024 14:05

I couldn't vote, because I don't agree with either option. You like it, so why would you even consider selling it? You partner knew it was there and where it came from. You did not get a place together, he moved into yours.

Personally, I would ask him to move out again. It may seem minor, but he sounds terribly insecure.

I have been in his shoes. I discovered a necklace on my boyfriend's nightstand. He told me an ex gave it to him. I asked him why he never wore it, as I thought it looked cool. Why should I care an ex gave it to him? He liked it enough to keep it on his nightstand. If it were a picture of her, I might have felt differently, but it was just a necklace that looked good on him.

CucumberBagel · 07/12/2024 14:03

Bogginsthe3rd · 07/12/2024 14:00

I would just sell it and choose a replacement piece of art with him. Think smart.

That's the opposite of smart.

BeMintBee · 07/12/2024 14:02

Bogginsthe3rd · 07/12/2024 14:00

I would just sell it and choose a replacement piece of art with him. Think smart.

Erm what?!

5128gap · 07/12/2024 14:00

bifurCAT · 07/12/2024 13:52

If this was HIS painting, I guarantee posters would be saying 'he's clearly not over his ex'.

Is that your advice to the OP then? That this signals she's not over her ex? Otherwise, not sure of your point...?

Bogginsthe3rd · 07/12/2024 14:00

I would just sell it and choose a replacement piece of art with him. Think smart.

Daschund · 07/12/2024 13:59

I wouldn't be selling it at all.

5128gap · 07/12/2024 13:58

You need to deal with this firmly and assertively. Because he's either sensitive to a point he'll be hard to live with, or is engaging in power play. Neither can be pandered to or you'll not be able to call your life your own. Tell him no and that's your final word, you won't change your mind, so if its a deal breaker he needs to leave rather than stay around trying to force you to change your mind with silent treatment. Tell him to have a think and if he's staying that's the end of the matter. It seems harsh, but you have to nip this in the bud, short and sharp.

PerkyViper · 07/12/2024 13:57

bifurCAT · 07/12/2024 13:52

If this was HIS painting, I guarantee posters would be saying 'he's clearly not over his ex'.

Maybe you would but it's a painting of a bird FFS. I wouldn't give toss tbh. My DH's ex bought him amazing Le Creuset cookware one Xmas as they both love cooking - I use them almost daily now 🤣

ItsBehindYouSequinsAndStilettos · 07/12/2024 13:56

It's a piece of art you like so YANBUAA - move it from the lounge and put it in your study (if you have a study). If you don't, it stays where it is. Your house, your art.
Now a shared house, again, comes down to shared taste. You usually buy and furnish together things you both like. If he hates it, it goes to your space and vice versa. But this is about his Envy and insecurity that your ex bought you (and could afford to buy you) a nice piece of art.
Don't let that be the reason for you to sell it.

HellonHeels · 07/12/2024 13:56

BeLimeTiger · 07/12/2024 13:43

Thank you for your replies. I’m quite an arty person and he’s not (think a photo of a banksy printed on a canvas). I’d be upset about having to get rid of any of my paintings or prints as they’re all really special to me. He’s barely spoken to me today so i really think that’s how he feels

So with this silent treatment he's now signed his own departure notification, yes?

Really he needs to go, not the painting!

GabriellaMontez · 07/12/2024 13:55

It's a yellow flag for him.

Controlling and manipulative. "If you loved me you would..."

He needs to adjust. If he cant/won't you should reconsider your relationship.

TotallyTwisted · 07/12/2024 13:55

Your DP is an idiot.

bifurCAT · 07/12/2024 13:52

If this was HIS painting, I guarantee posters would be saying 'he's clearly not over his ex'.

Butchyrestingface · 07/12/2024 13:52

I think the universe is giving you a warning. This is lucky. Lots of women have no warning until they're pregnant, or a SAHM with a bunch of kids and shackled financially to an abusive dictator.

I wouldn't be looking this gift horse in the mouth.

HardlyLikely · 07/12/2024 13:51

BeLimeTiger · 07/12/2024 13:48

The thing is, I think that he probably would!

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So what, though? If he’s not particularly visually-attuned, he’s just going to have to take your word for it that it’s a painting you love, not some kind of magic avatar of your ex marking his territory.

Whiskeyandkittens · 07/12/2024 13:50

I can't vote as I don't think you should get rid of it at all!
Get rid of him instead.

PlumpPuddingLass · 07/12/2024 13:50

Thats nuts!! Get rid of him and protect the painting while he is around in case of an accidentally on purpose damage

Original poster
BeLimeTiger · 07/12/2024 13:48

Purplecatshopaholic · 07/12/2024 13:41

So you throw out all presents from exs? And he does the same? Batshit. He needs to get over it.

The thing is, I think that he probably would!

OP posts:
Gasp0deTheW0nderD0g · 07/12/2024 13:45

TomatoSandwiches · 07/12/2024 13:33

I wouldn't get rid of it at all, this is his problem to get over.

I haven't voted because I agree with this. He's being silly.

DetestTheClockChange · 07/12/2024 13:45

BeLimeTiger · 07/12/2024 13:43

Thank you for your replies. I’m quite an arty person and he’s not (think a photo of a banksy printed on a canvas). I’d be upset about having to get rid of any of my paintings or prints as they’re all really special to me. He’s barely spoken to me today so i really think that’s how he feels

My god, huge red flags waving in your face right here!!!

ATastingMenuButItsAllCrisps · 07/12/2024 13:45

Never date a man who stonewalls you.
Does this boyfriend really enhance your life so much that you need to keep dating him?
Masculinity so fragile that he can't cope with a painting and is trying to bully you into obeying him. Gross.