He says I love a painting more than him

I haven’t voted as I don’t think you should get rid of it at all. My late partner was like that-he got rid of my stuff that I’d bought with my previous husband.

It’s not the same issue but I had a very generous ex who bought me a car. We didn’t live together, we broke up and he said please keep it. I’d really looked after it, it was so valuable to me. I am also an anxious driver, and the make/model was perfect for me.
On a practical level it had really helped. I was a bit taken aback when it was given to me, but there were no control issues or strings attached.
10 years later, I still had the car and it was pristine.
I met someone who absolutely love bombed me. And a few weeks into the relationship he told me he couldn’t continue with me unless I sold the car.
I did not want to sell the car. It was immaculate, very low mileage and I knew if I sold it what I bought with the money would not be it’s equal in any way.
He went on and on and on until I sold the car.
And then of course a few weeks later we split up anyway.
The painting is not the issue. The fact that he’s living in your home is more the problem.
Keep the painting. You can never replace it.

Oh and I'm not voting because your choices are ridiculous.
You love the artwork so don't sell it.

I voted that you were being unreasonable because you're being unreasonable to even think of selling the painting at all!!!!

He's being controlling and needs to get over himself.

Accusing you of loving the painting more than him is a MASSIVE red flag regarding jealousy and control.

This

I like you am an “arty” person and have lots of original art on my walls some that my twat of an ex husband bought me. I love the paintings for what they are not who bought them. Don’t let anyone tell you what to do with the painting and don’t put it in the spare room if you love it. Enjoy it in pride of place.

I mean if it was a portrait of your ex I'd agree with him!
But he is telling you what art you can hang on the walls of YOUR house. And he is currently giving you the silent treatment, IN YOUR home.
Think hard, OP.

Dear DP, Your insecurity over a painting is a massive turn-off. Your passive aggressive do-what-I-want-or-I-silently-sulk is making me seriously reconsider our relationship.

@BeLimeTiger I would go for option 3 - don’t sell it under any circumstances.

You “love it as a piece of art”, not because your ex gave it to you. There is no reason for making your dp uncomfortable, he is being unreasonable.

I'd play the fucker at his own game.

"I can understand that you feel insecure. However the painting isn't going anywhere. I think we should have some time apart so that we can work out whether we can move forward. Whether there is any validity in me being hung up on my ex (your view) or not (my view), we've clearly reached an impass as I won't be getting rid of it or moving it so we have each have a choice about whether or not to accept the picture and have no further comment on it or splitting up. Let's take the next week to figure that out."

Altho to be fair if he actually said you love a painting more than him that is quite extreme!

I think your beau is having a silly moment that he’s likely to get over quite quickly if you tell him the painting means nothing to you emotionally. All the people calling him abusive erc are going a bit far - if this is his only sign of jealousy in three years I very much doubt there is a big issue.

Keep your painting, and watch out for other instances of control/sulking/manipulation. It is highly unlikely that he will never do such a thing again. You could do as a pp suggested and get a friend to stash it for you, or talk it through with him to see if his insecurity is firmly rooted.

It's showing his insecurities, either within himself or within the relationship. Like you say It's not something that reminds you of your ex and not in a prominent place so shouldn't be a problem.

Don’t get rid of the painting. I have a jewellery box my ex gave me a long time ago. My DH wasn’t jealous about it whatsoever. I mean, you had a life before you met your boyfriend and he needs to understand that.

@BeLimeTiger this is your painting, in your house that you kindly let him move into. He’s now giving you the silent treatment cos he wants you to get rid of a favourite item?? And says you love it more than him??? Dear god what a petulant man child. Keep the painting and ditch the manipulative, sulky, wannabe-controlling specimen out. Be warned, this is the thin end of the wedge….give in to this and it’ll be something else. Then something else. You have been warned. 🚩 🚩🚩

I'd be really pissed off that he moved into my house and made me feel uncomfortable by ignoring me, too.

I have a painting that a man did of me (he was in love with me but we didn't date). I have it up in my bedroom and DH loves it!
I've moved it to every place we have lived and will keep it forever because it is an art piece that is fabulous and it has me in it :D

Your DP has far deeper insecurities that he needs to work on.

He doesn't want to not have sex, though, does he? Why is he worried about a painting of a bird when you've had a sexual relationship with someone?

He's moved into your house and can't cope with the fact you had a life before him. That's his problem.

I'd be amazed if there'd been no other signals before this. Anyone who thinks his partner prefers a painting to him is very insecure. The two things are not comparable in any way.

He is attaching a meaning to it and making the (incorrect) assumption that you are doing the same. Essentially he thinks your love of the painting is a sign of fondness for your ex. That the reason you love the painting is because of the person who gave it to you. And he can’t see that you don’t share that view. You love rhe painting. And it doesn’t matter how you came by it. He assumes his version of the narrative is the only possible truth. And he feels threatened by this imagined fondness for your ex.

I’m sorry but these are red flags to me. He sounds like he has no empathy (doesn’t care that you love the painting). Like he is jealous and insecure. Like he doesn’t believe you when you say it’s just a painting and doesn’t matter your ex gave it to you. He assumes he knows you better than you! The whole emotional blackmail (“you love the painting more than me”). The barely speaking to you as you haven’t done what he wanted. He is being childish, controlling and unreasonable. Are you sure there aren’t other red flags..?

I couldn't vote because both options involve selling the painting.

You should not sell the painting.

So ridiculous. He needs to go and have a think about how childish he’s being.

He’s barely spoken to me today

Oh dear, that's not good.

And on the 'you love that painting more than me' point. This is the salami version of control. Slice a little bit of you away each time. Each piece looks tiny and no big deal but over time...

I'd respond that you love art, it's part of who you are, and yes, you do love yourself more than him. That's a healthy thing. The picture doesn't mean 'ex' it means 'whatever it means to you'. And that part of you is important.

He's pissing in corners to mark his territory.

My ex and I did this kind of thing to each other. I'm not saying it's why we separated, but it wasn't a good sign. FWIW, my DH and I never felt the need to do this kind of thing with each other, and I take it as one of the many signs of a deep trust between us. I value that trust so much, so for me this wouldn't be about an object that I treasure, but about whatever was bugging dh so much that he was displacing something on to that object.

Ditto
DON'T GET RID OF THE PAINTING THAT YOU LIKE SO MUCH