He says I love a painting more than him

What on earth is smart about bowing down to his sulking?

@pinkdelight hmm it may be childish to you and you're of course welcome to your opinion, but if I was upset about anything, if DH could change that he would (and likewise). We prioritise each other and don't shame each other for our feelings. If DH was insecure about something, I wouldn't tell him that was his problem to work on. I'd provide him with reassurance. Each to their own!

Another sign of control....not speaking to you ....yuk!

I think your partners feelings are valid. Tbh I wouldn't like it if my husband had something on display from his ex. If it made me think of the ex and I had to look at it every day, I think it would annoy me. So he's not unreasonable for saying he doesnt like it. However, if he really loved it and assured me he really wanted to keep it there because it brought him so much joy etc then I'd probably be able to get over it.

I think the compromise of having it in a less prominent place is fine and it IS unreasonable to say you can't have it at all. It's yours, no matter who it came from.

I had similar when DH kept his dad's ashes on full display in the centre of the living room mantlepiece. It was a huge big wooden thing with a few other bits from the funeral dotted around it (think dried flowers etc). Although I appreciated how sentimental it was, I just felt a bit funny it being the centrepiece in the living room and it felt a bit morbid, and when we started a family I asked if he'd be happy to have it in the spare room so he could still have it and sit by it to remember his dad, but it wasn't on display for all to see (it was years after he passed). He was fine with it. We now put new memories there that we are all happy with instead. X

if there was something that made me uncomfortable and they refused to get rid of it knowing how it made me feel, I'd obviously question if they cared about me at all!

I think that's the same childish reaction that the OP's partner is having. It's as if you've no control over your feelings. If you feel uncomfortable, the question is why, and if it's because you were insecure about your DP loving their ex via a painting, then it's not for your DP to cave and give those feelings any legitimacy. It's on you to get a grip and get over it, or to realise you have issues with insecurity and get help to manage them, not let them be the ruler of you both. If a painting makes you obviously question how a DP feels for you (using OP scenario), then I'd say it's not a strong enough relationship to be moving in together. In essence - the problem is not the painting/the 'something' and getting rid of it solves nothing.

Keep it! He needs to get over it or leave

He might not mean to be manipulative, but that's how it comes across. You love the painting for it's own merits, not bc it reminds you of your ex. You broke up for a reason.

You shouldn't sell the painting at all. It's a painting. He needs to get over himself. How ick-inducing.

It is, he’s trying to bully, control and emotionally manipulate her as he’s jealous and he doesn’t like her having anything an ex gave her.

id kick it out. It being him and not the picture. Which is worth a shed load more than this piece of work.

Do not sell the painting.

You love it and it belongs to you. YOU. Not your ex, not some long lost love of your life, you. Your painting. How you came to own it is irrelevant.

Should he go through all of his possessions and dump anything he owned before you were on the scene? Of course not. He's an insecure, controlling idiot.

I have a few artworks I really love. Anyone getting the hump because of who bought them for me would get short shrift.

He’s barely spoken to me today so i really think that’s how he feels

Though obviously linked, this red flag is almost worse than the fuss over the painting

If I've got it right and he's living in your house prior to buying somewhere together, consider it a warning around how he'd behave in a place that was "his" ... or better still just do what everone's suggested and get rid of him

If you bend to this ridiculousness, prepare to be controlled further. He will know you give in. Don't.

@MounjaroUser I'm not saying that the painting would upset me, but if there was something that made me uncomfortable and they refused to get rid of it knowing how it made me feel, I'd obviously question if they cared about me at all!

As it happens my husband moved into my house that I'd been in for a decade before him. No issues like this, but if there were I'd just get rid.

Tell him very firmly that this is your house and you can decorate it as you like.
If he genuinely thinks you are harbouring feelings for your ex, well that sounds deeply bizarre based on a painting alone. It's a big red flag.
I bet you wish you'd just said, yeah it's a nice painting, can't remember where I got it...
Is he paying his way? I don't like the way he sounds like he's encroaching on controlling.

He’s being ridiculous.
My DH had large photos of his late wife in his house — including his bedroom— and of course we kept them in our future joint home. Not in our bedroom but in the hall and living room. Didn’t bother me in the slightest, from everything I heard she was a lovely, strong woman who died far too young.

He needs to get over himself, it’s a painting.

Can't vote as neither option involves keeping the painting and him growing up.

This picture is no threat unless he turns it into one.. Perhaps he feels insecure about his own lack of interest in art.

There is no option where yoy don’t sell it op and that’s sad , that you’d give up something you love due to his jealousy. Where does it end. Where do you stop appeasing him.

its option c. Yoy keep it, he grows up and if he keeps giving you the silent treatment you recognise he’s a jealous controlling bully and you get him gone. Fast.

(and I recommend getting rid of the man)

This is incredibly controlling and manipulative regardless of how he’s been before. He’s demonstrating what you can expect, and before you live together. There will be more to come if you appease him here.

Look at the Freedom Programme online, every woman and girl should do it!

Definitely do not get rid of the painting!

Keep the painting.

He is more eaten up by a painting and a person you haven't thought about in years, than he cares for you.

What else does he want you to ditch from your life and experiences that are associated with someone else from your past?

We are the sum of our lived experiences as much as we are our genetics... if we have to yeet out everything we 'got', be it learning, experiences or objects, from someone else every time we start a new relationship... we'd never be fully rounded, interesting, experienced people!

You would really move into someone's house and insist they sold something they loved that had no personal significance at all?

Another vote for keeping the painting and losing the man who objects to it.

If it was me I'd get rid of it. I wouldn't have my husband feeling uncomfortable in our home. I would be pretty confused if I expressed discomfort with something he had hanging around and he didn't want to part with it, at my expense.