To get through 17hour childcare shifts. Tips?

When DD was little we were fortunate enough to have SureStart centres so went to a group every morning, home for lunch, another group or walk in the afternoon, dinner on if not already in the slow cooker and then quiet activities whilst I nipped round and did any housework bits that need doing.

It looks like you are spending most of the day indoors when actually baby is really portable, I'd look after local activities and make a list that involves getting out around people everyday. Admittedly without SureStart centres most groups aren't free but it doesn't sound like you are struggling financially anyway.

• Visit to the library for Bounce and Rhyme
• Swimming - a proper mum and toddler session or a free swim one
• Parent and baby cinema showing
• Parent and baby group at the theatre
• Parent and baby session at the local museums

That's one thing a day available in my local area without looking at Baby Signing, church run groups, Messy Play sessions etc and other things you could do like season ticket to the zoo or just walking around museums or arg gallery's for your own benefit. The things you do don't need to be baby focussed.

Go to your GP and get checked for post natal depression.
You have a lot of help, your DH must be knackered.
You should be enjoying this time.

Sounds a bit like you're in a gilded cage.

You have lots of things to be thankful for, but when you're in a rut it can be hard to see it.

Can you get out more? I have a FB friend on mat leave and she's always off up mountains with baby in a sling, or jetting off for a city break with baby.

TBH I'm only jealous because my mat leave was 2020.

And yes I agree it sounds like you just aren't really doing anything. I'd be bored too. I had 3yo and newborn at home for several days a week and we were out every day doing activities to break up the day. Even now DD1 is at school, I take DD2 to something pretty much every day it's just the two of us, just to get out of the house, have some structure, talk to other people, etc. I'd go mad sitting at home all day.

I think you need to reframe it as 'parenting'. It's normal and the deal you sign up to when you decide to have DC.

I spent school hours out with my baby/pre nursery toddler. We went places, that were mostly amusing for me, but done at her pace. So naps were in the buggy whilst walking, she learnt the art of drinking a babycino and behaving in cafes, visiting galleries, visiting green grocers etc . I walked miles and miles visiting natural and urban places that I wouldn’t otherwise have time for. Often doing routine activities but in different places.
we also went to play groups from 18months, but mostly I spent 0-2.5yo chatting with her whilst I walked.

the more you go out the less daunting it is.

I was also mentally unwell, and could not be at home without getting totally overwhelmed .but found gentle interactions with others in cafes, or having new things to look at and chat to my kid about helped me stay in the present. And I found this nourishing time .

Drop the 2am feed for a start. My kids were sleeping through before then - bed at 7.30ish and awake from 5.30-6ish for son 7ish for DD.
Have baby in own room now.
The rest is just what it is.

Does she still really need that 2am feed? And why is it taking so long for her to go back down? She needs to learn to self settle, put her back down awake.

I suspect your days will feed loads longer if you’re still doing night feeds, especially as you’ll be more tired!!!

That's not a childcare shift, that is just being at home with your baby, and one older child when she's not out at school.

I'm thinking it is an unfunny joke?

Of topic but you have cleaners every day Monday to Friday?!

Parenting is tough, it's not really childcare when it's your own children, but honestly I think you've got an extremely good deal currently. One child at school, you don't need to do chores in the day so can catch up on sleep or have breaks when the baby naps, a large chunk of uninterrupted sleep at night.

What else do you think you should have?

If you're bored then that's fine but I don't think lack of any breaks is the problem here given the above! Most people on maternity leave are looking after their babies a lot of the time, that's sort of the point.

Your dh must be exhausted - he gets up every time the baby needs a feed in the night and then has to go to work for a 12 hour day? Takes baby as soon as he comes home and for long stretches at the weekend. You have people in doing cleaning and laundry every day even though your baby is napping for 3 hours a day?

Honestly, I know having babies is tiring and mundane a lot of the time but it sounds like you have it pretty good to me. I’d find a few more daytime activities to do with your dd as it sounds like you're mostly just in the house waiting for her to nap! By that age we were doing a music class, baby sensory and we started swimming at 6 months too. I think you’re bored because you’re not doing enough rather than because you’re doing too much.

Is this a wind-up?

To be honest, you have a decent amount of help and sleep. Are you just a bit bored?

If you’re not enjoying it, going back to work earlier and arranging paid childcare is always an option. What you’re describing isn’t a childcare shift, it’s parenting, but that’s not to say it isn’t hard and relentless. But there are options available to you.

🤦‍♀️

Is this a joke?

and yet the society simply expects this kind of thing from mothers…

If find this rather odd... society?

It's your second DC, you knew how it worked.

Has absolutely nothing do with what society experts, if anything society would probably wonder why you did have a second if you think that way.

Assuming money isn't an issue - maybe looking into getting a part time nanny for a day a week or a couple of afternoons to give you some free time.

On the surface your situation sounds pretty good but if you are struggling then you are struggling.

Your baby sleeps a lot during the day and your DH takes her for a huge chunk of dedicated time every night?!

And if I'm reading it right, you have home help Five days a week?

You're far better off than the majority on Mat leave OP. I'm currently BFing DD 12 months, who wakes every hour or so. The most she naps for is 45 mins during the day. DH has never taken her at any point during the night (I wouldn't want him to, as she settles far better for me).

I think it's quite normal to feel like it's a slog and a chore at this point, especially when baby isn't as interactive.

Would it help to go to local baby groups, coffee meet ups, baby cinema etc. ?

I totally feel you when it comes to the evenings, as I find 4-7pm hard too. I find it helpful to switch it up. Some days we'll do a dog walk (less fun in the dark of winter), others we might do a food shop or see a friend. DD is usually happy enough to be in her sling when it's busy around her.

When we do have an evening at home it can drag. Baths fill the time nicely (my other DC is 5 so happy to join in), as do phone calls to my parents (who live abroad) or visits from the in laws.

If you can shift your mindset, it may help. This is your last ever mat leave! I know it's easy to say, but keep in mind:

This isn't something you HAVE to do, this is something you GET to do.

This is not a ‘shift’. This is life with small children. ‘Society simply expects these things from mothers’ - no, it’s not about society, it’s about having a child and bringing it up. Don’t use the language of the workplace.

Yes it can be drudgery at times, but you also get the good bits, seeing them develop and do new things, learning to communicate with you, growing into their own person. You don’t get those magical times without the drudgery (unless you outsource the latter with money of course). Enjoy your babies, accept the dull bits, and stop seeing it as a job you’re not being paid for. Take them out every day, give them time to learn to play on their own as well as with you, chat to them, and remember that in the grand scheme of things it’s a short time in your life.

I think the fact that you refer to parenting as “childcare” suggests a little distance.

Has got to be some kind of weird reverse, surely. Your 6 month old sleeps for a 3 hour stretches, you share the night shift with DH even though you have 13 months mat leave and you have a cleaner? Get a slow cooker to complete your lap of luxury love. You don't have a single problem.

go back to work and arrange childcare?

Are you getting out much? Can you identify what you're missing at the moment?

At 6 months, we did maybe 1 baby class type activity each week (that was more than enough for me!) but we went out and did other stuff during the day - ideal time as baby was still immobile so happy strapped in a buggy/carrier watching the world go by. This time of year is ideal for things like garden centre trips (lots of Christmas lights and things out on display, bonus if it was a garden centre with a pet section). We went swimming, met up with friends, went to the library (our local one always has toys and things out for babies and toddlers), went to feed the ducks etc. it was rare we stayed at home all day.

It's not really a childcare shift, it's parenting. There's plenty of mothers and fathers doing 24hrs a day. You seem to have a fair bit of downtime if she's napping well, very few chores.

I'd prep dinner during the nap if you find it tricky later.

Do you do any classes/ mums groups anything regular? Maybe try and plan a big day out/ adventure every 2 weeks to break up the monotony.

At 7 months I'd be wanting to drop some of the night feeds, especially once she's eating more, that would give you a bigger chunk of sleep. But that's a personal choice.