To get through 17hour childcare shifts. Tips?

Why don't you just go back to work if you are unhappy?

Of course society expects you to parent your own children. You don’t have to stay on maternity leave if you don’t want to though, go back to work and outsource childcare instead.

It’s what I did. I was bored out of my mind.

It's not childcare it's being part of a family. Caring for family members!
You get a hell of a lot of help. You sound bored!
I agree with others.....get out and about etc

It's just parenting your children isn't it? It's not 17 hour shifts of childcare. It'll be over soon enough.

There are many replies on here where when a new mother posts regarding how tired she is the answer has been "when does babies dad/your DH do childcare" so it's no wonder its now seen on MN by some as childcare instead of parenting.

I don't understand this post.

It's not a shift it's looking after your children?

Does your DD nap in her cot, if so you can relax and do jobs make dinner when she's napping. Get as much as you can done in the day so dinnertime isn't a mad rush. If DD wants to contact nap get a sling or wrap carrier and do jobs with her on you.

Why is your DH doing so much? When is his downtime? Presumably you get plenty of time to chill whilst feeding baby.

That’s normal life with a baby.

My tip is get up and out of the house before 10am, go to the playground, go to the park, anywhere. Get good rain gear.
Do this every day it really helps.

I think you've got a pretty easy run considering what most parents have to do. Your partner really pulls his weight. I'd just add in some walks or trips to cafes. Try and spend less time prepping food in the evening (slow cooker first thing in the morning or five min tray bakes like sausage, potatoes and peppers) so that your 7yo gets some attention from you too. What sort of practical advice do you want? Not totally sure what the issue is really.

Indeed. I did a 132 hour “childcare shift” every week for the first 18 months of DD’s life.

I couldn’t guarantee a shower or an hot meal everyday, never mind a foot massage and meditation!

Sounds fine to me, plan activities you’d like to do or go back to work sooner. Live more in the moment if you can and stop overthinking.

DH went out to work an overtime shift at 7:30am he'll be back around 5pm and it's going out for the evening around 6:30pm. I'll go to bed before he gets home. DS is with me today, I wouldn't describe it as a childcare shift! He's my child not my job.

Before there's a pile on, I was out yesterday from noon until 9ish, DH did pick up, swimming lesson, dinner and bed time. It's just that time of year when we have busier social schedules than usual.

I’ve read it again and even more confused, no a childcare setting wouldn’t do a 17hr shift but these are your children? Do you and your husband share a bed? You sound like you get a lovely amount of sleep and your days sound a lot more chilled then a lot of peoples

Sounds pretty standard, it’s parenting not childcare. What do you mean DH brings her to you, why isn’t she in bed? Sounds like what you do in the newborn stages but why is it still so chaotic?

I wonder if you are putting too much pressure on yourself in the sense that you talk about playing and things with your little girl - 5 month olds don't need a lot of play. They can experience the world well just being around you and following you. You don't need to worry too much about structured play.

Having said that, I used to have a year pass for a local zoo and would wander around there a lot when mine were little. Similarly a local park. But I would do things I wanted to do for me too. Just go for a coffee for a change of scenery for example. I wonder if you are overthinking what you feel you should be doing, when really you don't need to be doing too much at all.

@Luckystarss I frankly am gobsmacked at your routine with your poor husband who seems to be working on very little sleep! every mother has managed for centuries so why cant you??? what is the point of both of you being wakened up at 2am???? that is ridiculous!

You are a mum at home with her child, you are not providing childcare. That is something you outsource. You are a parent, act like one.

Tips? Stop thinking of it as childcare, and think of it as what it is - parenting..

It's really normal for 6 months olds to wake and feed in the night and night waking often increases in the second half of the first year. My five year old still wakes a few nights a week.

Surprised by these responses! Life with a small baby is relentless and exhausting and it's totally legitimate to find it that way, irrespective of whether you have another child or not.

I totally understand how you feel OP. There's no solution, no quick fix, and sadly no 'village' who can step in to help in today's society.

Remind yourself that you're in the most difficult bit, and as baby starts crawling and moving life will feel a bit easier and new things to do will open up in the day. I found it game changing being able to take my DD to baby soft play twice a week!

It will get a little easier as the months go on :-)

Thought this was going to be from the point of view of a nanny or childcare worker on a shift.

Op, I get it. The days are long. My son didn't nap much and I was also breast feeding. I was single from early pregnancy so it was just me. However, it meant that decisions were mine, no disagreements on how to do things etc! Baby groups and activities were a godsend.

I think shifts for the nights can work well, but here it seems like you are trading off any family time together for being able to sleep 8-2am (6hr stretch) plus potentially a few more hours between 2 and 5 then presumably another hour 5-6. Whilst broken, this is actually a great amount of sleep for you. Then 3hrs of naps in the day. At this age, for some perspective, my little one was waking every 1-2hrs, I was doing all the night wakes due to BF. Dad would take him for 30mins 6-6.30, then I would have him all day until 5.30pm ish when we would do everything together (dinner, play, bath etc). Occasionally I would catch an earlier night but 9/.930 would usually be OK. They were in their own room at 6/7m which worked for us but appreciate may not be for everyone. I managed on 6hrs max of broken sleep and we enjoyed baby groups or dog walks in the day. Husband started doing every other night wake around 7m, not long before baby started only waking twice anyway so I would still just feed those 2 times. It's a long day until 7pm for sure, but referring to it as a 17hr shift when that is just how parenting is may make you feel worse. A lot of that is also sleeping. I found myself clock watching sometimes but I really miss mat leave now I'm having to balance full time work

And I certainly experienced it as a shift until DH came home. I found it a lot harder than a shift at work that's for sure.

I get it OP. I found life with babies relentless and exhausting and struggled with being on call a lot of the time. I coped by planning outings and things to look forward to and having a routine which involved getting out of the house to do something every day whether that was a baby group, library, or a cafe. It would also give me the chance to talk to other adults. But I often felt very very lonely. Those days are past me now, and they will pass, and yes soak up all the baby moments but no it's not forever and it is actually ok to feel the way you do. Motherhood isn't a competition in terms of who has it better or worse, we should be supporting mothers with whatever they are finding challenging (this comment aimed at the less supportive responses on this thread)

This is possibly the least empathetic response I have ever seen.

Do you have children? Do you not remember the drudgery of it? It’s mentally exhausting.

As for the night feeds! So he should bloody help. She’s not sat at home filing her nails and watching Netflix. She’s looking after a demanding 6 month old (and 7year old around school hours). Should she be the only one permanently exhausted and his nights untouched as he’s doing the important man job? Bloody hell

It's not a shift, you're just a parent. You're also not up for the day and 'on shift' at 2am so it's not a '17 hour shift'. You'd get more sympathy if you asked for advice on having 2 kids and a partner who works long hours (although sounds like he pulls his weight) but to be honest if you have daily cleaners I'm not really sure what you're complaining about?