To get through 17hour childcare shifts. Tips?

I must have missed some details in the rest of the post!!

Hey, I'd kill for that much sleep and support, but what OP is doing with it sounds really dull. 5 month old babies aren't great conversationalist so if she's not socialising it will feel like a grind.

So DH goes to work 7-7, has time to shower and eat and then goes straight to bed? Within a hour of getting home from work? And takes over childcare at the weekend? What chores can possibly be left for the OP to do at the weekend when she has staff 5 days of the week? I am really struggling to understand how you can defend this as not “more than enough”? OP wakes at 6am - so does DH unless he can go from asleep to commute in a nanosecond?

Why on Earth is the DH waking up to take the breastfed 6mo baby to his mother? He has a living to earn 12 hours of the day, she is at home WITH STAFF AND A BABY WHO NAPS!

I have breastfed two children. I’ve had a nanny when I had more than one child. I’ve always had a cleaner. A DH who works across time zones. I’ve been a SAHM and I’ve worked PT. None of it is easy but I can say 100% that being a SAHM with staff 5/7 and a napping 6mo and an older child at school is a very, very cushy set up. Far, far more cushy than the DH’s situation in this set up.

And yes, my nanny (who we adore and who still “babysits” occasionally even though my DC don’t need babysitting anymore) would be the first to tell you that getting paid to look after a napping 6mo is indeed piss easy (unless the baby has special needs or requires specific medical attention - not always apparent at 6mo but they change easily). This from a woman who was the sole breadwinner and carer for her disabled husband. What’s there to do? The baby needs food, cuddles, clean nappies, taken for a walk, interacted with for a bit between naps. What else is there? OP doesn’t even have to wash the clothes or dishes, tidy up the mess, clean the bathtub. Unless there’s a backstory yes, it is piss easy even when you’re breastfeeding (only twice!!) in the night.

What you're describing sounds normal with kids. At the end of the day we choose to have them. I did it all as a lone parent and I couldn't afford things like cleaners! Just crack on with it.

Who says the dh isnt going to bed at the same time? The son goes to bed after cuddle at 8ish. So from 8-2 all are sleeping apart from when baby wakes (both have to wake up at 11 and 2) and then until 5 when op is awake for good and dh presumably gets to carry on sleeping (the only one at this point getting a long chunk of sleep).

Do you go round telling all the nanny’s of the world they don’t do anything? Looking after a napping child for 6 hours is piss easy? Day in day out whilst waking up for hours in the night?

Just out of curiosity, what SHOULDNT he do? They are both “on duty” for equal times in the day aside from a 30 min break in the evening

@Luckystarss you’ve had over 100 replies over a 4 hour period. I wonder if any of them have been helpful to you?

my impression is that you are either quite a negative person or you are depressed? We can’t diagnose you online of course.

You don’t seem to recognise your privilege? - a reliable partner, 2 healthy children, lots of free time (despite you calling family life a 17 hour shift!) money apparently no object. Very little housework to consider.You barely cook - just a quick pan of pasta or similar.

what do you actually want? Why are you so resentful and unhappy in a life that many would dream of? What would make a difference?

for example -
If you want more childcare perhaps you could swap some of the cleaning staff hours for childcare?

Yet the society simply expects this kind of thing from mothers…
What do you want from society ?

What bit is relentless? She has decent nighttime sleep, a couple of hours a day while the baby naps, no school runs, no laundry or cleaning, time to meditate and get foot rubs. It’s one baby who naps and sleeps well and someone else does the housework. It’s anything but relentless, it’s extremely cushy.

The DH is out of the house 7-7.

He takes over the baby at 7.15pm.

OP goes to bed at 8pm. Has baby brought in to nurse at 11pm, has baby brought in to nurse at 2am.

Who is bringing the baby to her? The DH. He gets in from work at 7. Showers. Takes over the baby at 7.15, they “co-parent” both kids until 8pm. That’s 45mins.

When does the DH actually sleep? After the 7yo and baby go to sleep, presumably. Let’s say, 9pm. He’s up again at 11pm - that’s 2 hours. Up again at 2am - 3 hours. Up for work at say 6am - that’s 4 hours. That’s assuming it takes a minute to wake, take baby to OP, change the nappy, resettle baby, fall asleep. Which is obviously nonsense. Then into another 12 hours shift, 5 days per week. Then take over the baby at the weekend.

Meanwhile OP is complaining about her childcare duties for a napping 6mo baby, the only duties she has as she has staff 5 days per week and DH takes over at the weekend and the older child is at school. She has time to meditate (who the fuck has the mental space or time to meditate with a breastfed 6mo baby?!), daily foot massage, free to nap/ paint her nails/ daydream/ cook one meal a day all day…..and somehow this is fair? You don’t think the DH is doing more than enough, just his fair share? What in all this is fair? This from an OP who sees raising her children as childcare to be done in shifts (we all know what MN thinks of dads who babysit their own children).

Thinking further, this has to be a reverse. Surely? If not, and they’re both happy with this, good for them. As long as it works and everyone is happy. But apparently it’s not enough for the OP. Which is all my point is.

This can’t be a serious post! You’re a parent with one baby at home, a child at school and a daily cleaner? Wise up !

You have ‘cleaners’ who also do the laundry Mon-Fri and yet you’re still whining? Bloody hell OP, what sort of reality are you living in?

What a bizarre post!

That is such a skewed way of looking at it.

They have “night shifts” where they have the baby half the night each (although let’s not dismiss the fact that the DH gets a long chunk of sleep second half of the night where op has to wake to feed all night still) which is absolutely fair. He SHOULD assist in the nighttime.

He drops off older child. What should he be doing instead? Should he get a nice 45 minute break whilst OP does that? Or does it make sense he do it on the way to work whilst op is at home WITH A BABY (so not sat doing nothing).

Taking over at the weekend whilst OP does other chores I believe?! She’s not sat on her arse!

Don’t even get me started on the “paying for etc“ part.

If your baby is sleeping 8 pm - 2 am you've hit the jackpot. That's 6 hours of consecutive sleep!

Great post.

OP does sound like one of those "celebrity mums" who have lots of help. I wonder if she is....

Working ooh for 12 hours, 15 mins to shower, taking over baby, waking to bring baby to OP at 11pm, waking to bring baby to OP at 2am, drop off of older child, taking over the baby for most of the weekend, paying for cleaners/laundresses/etc 5 days per week, - while OP is at home with just a baby who naps, one school pick up, one meal to cook (no chores or tidying or laundry or cleaning), time for meditation and foot massages etc.

If roles were reversed MN would be up in arms about how abusive the stay-at-home parent is being towards the wohm parent.

This has to be a joke, with all the talk of "shifts" and waiting for your "break"? This isn't a paid job, this is your life. You chose to be a parent, and this is just what parenting at that age is like. I would say that no-one really knows how relentless it is until they actually do it. It's like that for everyone but honestly, it sounds like you have it pretty good, with your DH doing his fair share including taking DD into a different room as a night nanny would, your "me time" every day with your foot massage and meditation while the children are actually awake rather than during nap time, your cleaner.

I do wish people would consider whether they actually WANT to give up their ability to spend their time how they wish, before they decide to start a family. There is no obligation to have children. It's perfectly ok to decide that you would rather spend the time on yourself. Having a second child only makes it more apparent how full on it is being a parent. Most people don't have family to give the help you seem to want. Occasional babysitting every few months is the norm for a lot of people and some don't even get that.

You ARE at a relentless stage of your parenting journey, I give you that. But you know, that is just the way it is. You just didn't realise before you were a parent. Hire a nanny to give you more of a break if you want to. Switch to bottle feeding so there's less demand on your body physically if you want to. But yeah, this is just it.

You're getting an unnecessarily hard time. Yes it's relentless. It's also over quite quickly as you know from your 1st mat leave.

Do you do any structured activities with DD - playgroups or similar? Might give you a chance to chat to other mums?
Breaks the monotony too.
While she's young enough can you go to a gallery or something with her in the sling?

I agree about prepping meals before time so you cam heat up. Or involve your son in pre?

You need a change of mindset. It's not a 17 hour shift. A day with your family. It's not easy, but it's just life with a baby. Most people don't have cleaners 5 days a week either... Perhaps get out the house more?
Or if you're really not enjoying it, go back to work.

This is life with children. It's not childcare, its parenting.

It's bloody hard but millions of parents do it. Not a race to the bottom, but I have four children and couldn't afford a cleaner or have anyone to do school runs.

It's hard and your feelings about that are entirely valid. However you have more support and privilege than many do.

I wish to edit my previous comment - I was thinking initially that yours was a typical experience op but I was wrong, you have cleaners every day. Which totally isnt typical at all.

Thats not "a shift" - its a typical, normal experience of parenting two young children, one of which is a little baby. Its hard but then it gets easier. And then eventually they are teenagers and it can be seemingly impossibly hard but in a totally different way.

He is not doing “more than enough”. He’s doing exactly what he should be doing

Is your baby weaning yet? That might improve sleep and enable you to drop some of the bf, esp at night. Better sleep imo improves everything else even if the mundane is still the same

I can't exactly remember because my DC are teen, but I'm pretty sure at 6 months I was cutting down the amount of bf. DS started sleeping through at that age

and yet the society simply expects this kind of thing from mothers…

I don’t understand this. Who else should do it apart from mothers? Your DH is providing financial and practical support for the family, he’s doing more than his fair share. Do you think someone should be providing you with nannies around the clock in addition to your daily cleaners and launderers and tidiers? Are you from a culture where this is the norm? Do you think having children is a job and you should have an HR department to complain to? I’m not sure you have understood how the human race works. First we raise our young, then we do things like meditate and have foot massages and pay for cleaning ladies in any spare time. I feel you have this back to front, and am having visions that you’re sore you don’t have time for more extra stuff which you consider more of a necessity than raising the children you chose to have.

Yeah agree with others this is normal. Don't need to sleep in shifts though maybe just stay up till last feed get into some tv shows and spend with more time with dh.... Just normal life for having kids it changes again in another 6 months or so. I would need to get out to more activities and meet more people, this is what I found the most relentless part. More slow cooker, use nap time better..you have a good set up it doesn't get much better than this but it is boring at times.