Page 3 | To get through 17hour childcare shifts. Tips?

Wantitalltogoaway · 07/12/2024 21:16

OMGsamesame · 07/12/2024 21:10

You must know that's not universal though

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I’m sure it’s not, but my point is babies don’t need to be feeding in the night at 6 months.

I’d be working to sort that out as I would hate to still be doing two night feeds after half a year.

OMGsamesame · 07/12/2024 21:10

Wantitalltogoaway · 07/12/2024 18:38

I wouldn’t call that a decent nighttime sleep. It’s what mine were doing at 3 weeks old 😳

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You must know that's not universal though

converseandjeans · 07/12/2024 20:57

@Wantitalltogoaway

Agree with you. Mine were just having a dream feed by 6 weeks & sleeping through by few months old 7-7. I don't think it's normal to be up half the night with a 6 month old.

OP I just saw you have a cleaner in every day. Also DH does school run every day. Does DS do breakfast club because I can't see how DH would otherwise manage the school run followed by a long commute. You are very lucky!

I think DH is doing a lot to support you tbh.

Lurpak108 · 07/12/2024 20:21

First time I have ever heard of someone referring to caring for their own child as a ‘childcare shift’. How bizarre - I thought this was going to be a post about someone working as a nanny or in some sort of formal childcare role. Many parents work 24 hour ‘childcare shifts’ back to back for days/weeks/months on end - I don’t think it is unusual.

StMarie4me · 07/12/2024 20:10

RosieLeaf · 07/12/2024 11:58

This is just normal life with a baby?

It’s not forever. Hire in help if you want to and can afford it.

Just what I was thinking!

Good grief.

FoodieToo · 07/12/2024 20:03

Goodness ! Your poor husband . Almost 4 hours commuting and then has to take over from you when he gets home . You seem to resent his commute - comfy train , WiFi etc.!!
I mean what have you done all day ? And you are talking about getting a break ??!!! Your life sounds so easy .
Actually I think you're on a wind up - talking about meditation and foot massages (machine or otherwise !!)

CherryDrops89 · 07/12/2024 19:29

It sounds like you have a supportive husband. They aren't 17 hours childcare shifts, it's being a parent

Abracadabra12345 · 07/12/2024 19:23

ThatIsNotMyNameSoWhyAreYouCallingMeThat · 07/12/2024 13:29

DH takes DS to school each morning, he also pays for cleaners (we have them Monday to Friday- they tidy, clean, do laundry) and he also looks DD over the weekend more unless there are some household stuff to sort out - such as sorting out broken locks, sink, etc

presumably your diamond shoes pinch a bit too.

Tell me about it! And he has to sleep in the spare bedroom

StormingNorman · 07/12/2024 19:19

Zebrashavestripes · 07/12/2024 19:08

I want to set example for my DS that it is not only women that need to do everything. But appreciate that other families have different set ups, which is fine

Which sex are your cleaners?

😭😭😭

addictedtotheflats · 07/12/2024 19:17

I'm coming up to 14 months off (maternity and annual leave) and can totally relate, although DD sleeps with me and we don't have a cleaner. I also have a 6 year old and do both drop off and pick up on the school run. I am BORED of the same shit different day 😂 can't wait to go back to work in January

Abracadabra12345 · 07/12/2024 19:16

Tacocatgoatcheesepizza · 07/12/2024 12:16

Your dh must be exhausted - he gets up every time the baby needs a feed in the night and then has to go to work for a 12 hour day? Takes baby as soon as he comes home and for long stretches at the weekend. You have people in doing cleaning and laundry every day even though your baby is napping for 3 hours a day?

Honestly, I know having babies is tiring and mundane a lot of the time but it sounds like you have it pretty good to me. I’d find a few more daytime activities to do with your dd as it sounds like you're mostly just in the house waiting for her to nap! By that age we were doing a music class, baby sensory and we started swimming at 6 months too. I think you’re bored because you’re not doing enough rather than because you’re doing too much.

Exactly. OP is living like a princess, while her poor DH is doing it all. Cleaners Mon-Fri then the baby gets pushed onto DH the moment he gets home from an exhausting long day? And he's doing the night shift and weekend care... OP is incredibly lucky but doesn't know it

I think this must be a reverse..

Zebrashavestripes · 07/12/2024 19:08

I want to set example for my DS that it is not only women that need to do everything. But appreciate that other families have different set ups, which is fine

Which sex are your cleaners?

CheeseTime · 07/12/2024 19:06

Back in the day when we were having babies in our teens we never got to have self indulgent time so just accepted the drudge of wife and mum work. Now we are torn from our lives into that world and it’s not easy. OP it sounds a little as though you’re watching the clock until you can get back to what you want to do/be. The massages and meditation.

You’ll get it back. I had three in three years and lost myself - it was traumatic! Now they’re grown and I can please myself again. Three more years and it will be so much easier.

Tacocatgoatcheesepizza · 07/12/2024 18:51

I appreciate that you want to prove to your ds that men should be involved with their children, but genuinely, I think it is unreasonable to expect him to be up so much every night when he also has to go to work. You have time in the day to rest and catch up on sleep, you have 3 hours of nap time to chill in! Why does he have to share night time wake ups every night?

Original poster

Luckystarss · 07/12/2024 18:40

Thank you all so much for reading my post and for taking time to share your comments on experience/practical tips and some telling me off (which ironically proves my point about expectations). However, I truly appreciate these comments too as they help me to put it all into perspective. Thank you

For those concerned about DH downtime - he works 8 hour (well 7 as one hour is for lunch), commute is long - it’s 3.5-4hrs but with a comfy train (seat,table,WiFi- wouldn’t call it downtime as such - but he can listen to music and catch up with his thoughts, chill out for 3.5-4hrs daily plus also when he has DD in the evening - she is so tired she nearly always asleep or 1 hour of playtime max. So his downtime is anything from 8-11pm at least daily…
I want to set example for my DS that it is not only women that need to do everything. But appreciate that other families have different set ups, which is fine.

regarding being stuck in the house - that’s a fair point, I had c section with complications which meant I couldn’t drive for a long time and just recently recovered fully. So yes being at home was the routine and potentially I got stuck into it too much but now I do go out (not much though - so thank you all for the helpful tips on activities to try out, some very very useful advice. Especially those adult focused. There are only few baby classes around here that I found, actually there is baby rhyme classes I found and I will go from next week and maybe ask there for some more information around other activities to try :) but just general other activities that I can do with baby in tow also helpful.

as for dinner times - slow cooker! Of course! Not sure why I did not think of that! I used to use it loads few years back! I will get some recipes dusted off and start cooking in it again. Thank you.

in relation to mindset - attitude & gratitude- thank you, alll valid points, actually I will stick this post by someone to my fridge and refer to it daily “ mat leave/spending time with my DD is something I GET to do, not something I HAVE to do”.
maybe I even start gratitude journal as someone pointed out to focus on all the good things I have ..

Again thank you all so much. I feel this is exactly what I needed and I have much more positive view on things now and practical advice I can use from now on

OP posts:

Wantitalltogoaway · 07/12/2024 18:38

AnneLovesGilbert · 07/12/2024 15:55

What bit is relentless? She has decent nighttime sleep, a couple of hours a day while the baby naps, no school runs, no laundry or cleaning, time to meditate and get foot rubs. It’s one baby who naps and sleeps well and someone else does the housework. It’s anything but relentless, it’s extremely cushy.

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I wouldn’t call that a decent nighttime sleep. It’s what mine were doing at 3 weeks old 😳

Wantitalltogoaway · 07/12/2024 18:32

You need to get DD sleeping through the night. At 6 months she shouldn’t need so many feeds, especially during the night! She should be perfectly capable of sleeping through.

Is she on solids? If not, get her on them asap and reduce milk feeds.

user1492538376 · 07/12/2024 18:16

Luckystarss · 07/12/2024 11:47

Hoping for some practical advice on getting through 17hrs childcare shifts (2am to 7pm) mon to fri please…

So I’m on maternity leave with my gorgeous DD, aged 6 months. This is our last child as we decided with DH our family is now complete, we also have DS aged 7. I’m in my late thirties.
Whilst there are so many amazing moments with DD - her giggles, her beautiful smile, her play etc- there are so many mundane childcare hours and I find myself feeling so overwhelmed and tired especially going towards the end of the week... I know others have probably more difficult situations but hoping for some practical tips to ease these long hours…
I have 7 months of mat leave left and I would like to enjoy it…

We don’t have family close by.

So the set up is this:

DH and I are doing shifts in looking after DD, DH sleeps in guest room and has DD there for part of the night.
DH is out of the house 7am to 7pm Monday to Friday for work. As soon as he gets home, quick change of clothes tea and he takes DD, say 7.15ish.

My typical day (Monday to Friday):
2am ish DH brings DD for a feed (I’m bfeeding)
Sometimes she stays asleep while eating some times she is awake for 2hrs and I need to put her to sleep again
Perhaps I get few hours of sleep then
Around 5ish - breastfeeding again
6am get up, breakfast , play
9am morning snooze about 1 hour
Feed play outside if the weather is good
Lunch
Afternoon snooze 2hrs
Play feed
Go to pick up DS from school
4-7pm (most challenging part of he day) : getting dinner sorted, while managing DD and answering various questions by DS, sometimes he plays with DD which helps me focus on dinner (most of the times it’s something quick - like stir fry, oven baked chicken thighs with steamed frozen veg, pasta pizza and similar)
DH gets in 7 takes DD, I tidy up kitchen a bit, give dinner to DH, make tea.
Then 7.30-8 me time for quick shower foot massage (machine), meditation and 8ish a cuddle with DS before his bedtime.
8pm-2am sleep (sometimes at 11pm DD needs a feed, if so DH brings her in for feeding and takes her back once finished). Brings her back circa 2am and so the cycle repeats until 7pm…

DH takes DS to school each morning, he also pays for cleaners (we have them Monday to Friday- they tidy, clean, do laundry) and he also looks DD over the weekend more unless there are some household stuff to sort out - such as sorting out broken locks, sink, etc

I feel this is so relentless- day in day out, yes I got through it before with DS (albeit I was younger) and DD was very much planned and we are lucky to have her. Yet I would love to enjoy these remaining 7 months more, rather than just keeping an eye on the clock waiting for my break…

Also I was thinking to myself if you approach nanny or a nursery setting with 17hrs childcare request- there is no way they would do it (without a break) and yet the society simply expects this kind of thing from mothers…

Thank you for reading

Ummm….while I sympathise with the drudgery- its not ‘childcare’ if its your own child….

bubblesun · 07/12/2024 18:15

This is honestly very normal.
My schedule is far more intense and busier than this and I don't have cleaners and all of that.

I think you are just not enjoying motherhood and that's fine. It is very mundane but it passes by quickly.

hamsandyams · 07/12/2024 18:13

I think the fact that childcare settings exist, and that free hours available to even non working parents mean that society doesn’t ‘expect’ that of mothers. If you’re not coping, or don’t want to cope, but the baby into childcare for some of the week.

Or used shared parental leave and go back to work early and let DH take 3+ months of your remaining leave.

There’s plenty of options, but if you are choosing the one that sees you stay home with your baby then yes it will look like this.

MintShaker · 07/12/2024 18:09

This isn't a "shift" it's being a parent. Who on earth would describe looking after their own child as doing a childcare shift!!! Jeesh!!!
Welcome to parent life.

Makingchocolatecake · 07/12/2024 18:06

Could you go back to work earlier than 7 months?

I don't think the point about 17h childcare shifts is relevant at all. What about single parents?

And no one would ever ask someone to babysit 30 children by themselves yet 1000s of teachers do this every day!

converseandjeans · 07/12/2024 18:00

I would aim to get a 6 month old to sleep less during the day. Then they will sleep longer at night. I don't think being up & down all night is sustainable long term. Lots of people will say it's normal - but a baby that age who is on solids should not need to be up during the night other than maybe a top up feed.

FuckILookLike · 07/12/2024 17:56

I clicked on this thinking it was a babysitter trying to get through two back to back bookings of looking after people’s kids🤣

Sorry no advice but this is literally just parenting. I have no help

DinosaurMunch · 07/12/2024 16:36

Firstly, stop the night feeds. 6 months olds don't need several night feeds. Then you can get more sleep and feel less tired.

Secondly why are you wasting energy playing with a 6 month old? Take her out and do what you want to do, meet friends, go to groups etc.

Other than that as others have said your life seems far easier than most. Your husband helps, your other child is older, you have paid cleaners every day.