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Original poster

To get through 17hour childcare shifts. Tips?

183 replies

Luckystarss · 07/12/2024 11:47

Hoping for some practical advice on getting through 17hrs childcare shifts (2am to 7pm) mon to fri please…

So I’m on maternity leave with my gorgeous DD, aged 6 months. This is our last child as we decided with DH our family is now complete, we also have DS aged 7. I’m in my late thirties.
Whilst there are so many amazing moments with DD - her giggles, her beautiful smile, her play etc- there are so many mundane childcare hours and I find myself feeling so overwhelmed and tired especially going towards the end of the week... I know others have probably more difficult situations but hoping for some practical tips to ease these long hours…
I have 7 months of mat leave left and I would like to enjoy it…

We don’t have family close by.

So the set up is this:

DH and I are doing shifts in looking after DD, DH sleeps in guest room and has DD there for part of the night.
DH is out of the house 7am to 7pm Monday to Friday for work. As soon as he gets home, quick change of clothes tea and he takes DD, say 7.15ish.

My typical day (Monday to Friday):
2am ish DH brings DD for a feed (I’m bfeeding)
Sometimes she stays asleep while eating some times she is awake for 2hrs and I need to put her to sleep again
Perhaps I get few hours of sleep then
Around 5ish - breastfeeding again
6am get up, breakfast , play
9am morning snooze about 1 hour
Feed play outside if the weather is good
Lunch
Afternoon snooze 2hrs
Play feed
Go to pick up DS from school
4-7pm (most challenging part of he day) : getting dinner sorted, while managing DD and answering various questions by DS, sometimes he plays with DD which helps me focus on dinner (most of the times it’s something quick - like stir fry, oven baked chicken thighs with steamed frozen veg, pasta pizza and similar)
DH gets in 7 takes DD, I tidy up kitchen a bit, give dinner to DH, make tea.
Then 7.30-8 me time for quick shower foot massage (machine), meditation and 8ish a cuddle with DS before his bedtime.
8pm-2am sleep (sometimes at 11pm DD needs a feed, if so DH brings her in for feeding and takes her back once finished). Brings her back circa 2am and so the cycle repeats until 7pm…

DH takes DS to school each morning, he also pays for cleaners (we have them Monday to Friday- they tidy, clean, do laundry) and he also looks DD over the weekend more unless there are some household stuff to sort out - such as sorting out broken locks, sink, etc

I feel this is so relentless- day in day out, yes I got through it before with DS (albeit I was younger) and DD was very much planned and we are lucky to have her. Yet I would love to enjoy these remaining 7 months more, rather than just keeping an eye on the clock waiting for my break…

Also I was thinking to myself if you approach nanny or a nursery setting with 17hrs childcare request- there is no way they would do it (without a break) and yet the society simply expects this kind of thing from mothers…

Thank you for reading

OP posts:
OhshutupSimonyounobhead · 08/12/2024 07:43

Nobody is jealous of you, we are just astounded at you moaning when you clearly have more help than most. You enjoy your rest, it sounds hard earned.

Vettrianofan · 08/12/2024 07:36

I cook meals during the school day. Mine are much older than yours but I do this for several reasons. It allows me time to focus on homework when they get in from school. Also if they fight I am there to deal with it, not divide my time in the kitchen and living room.

Definitely prepare meals during the day as it saves so much time.

Babaa · 08/12/2024 07:34

You have loads of time to yourself because your baby naps 3 hours a day and you have a cleaner. You have it very easy.

At 6 months old, your baby is waking frequently in the night due to hunger. Feed her more food.

WhiteTippedCandle · 08/12/2024 07:33

Bottle feed

PerditaLaChien · 08/12/2024 07:33

my point is babies don’t need to be feeding in the night at 6 months.

Some do but starting solids usually helps and you can get it dropped when 3 meals a day well established

PerditaLaChien · 08/12/2024 07:31

I was expecting you to say you were single parenting a disabled child who never slept or something.
Within your "17 hours" there's 3-6 hours where your dc is sleeping. Your dh is also taking her for 6 hours every evening so you get unbroken sleep.

Its really not bad at all.
You might enjoy it more if you use your morning to get out more - pop to a group or something, get some adult conversation and time out of the house.

OMGsamesame · 08/12/2024 07:30

Wantitalltogoaway · 07/12/2024 21:16

I’m sure it’s not, but my point is babies don’t need to be feeding in the night at 6 months.

I’d be working to sort that out as I would hate to still be doing two night feeds after half a year.

Show quote history

It's biologically normal

Nursemumma92 · 08/12/2024 07:22

It is relentless with young children but honestly you are in a very privileged position with a DH that does so much despite being out of the house 12 hours a day for work. If all your cleaning is outsourced then you have plenty of time for downtime when baby naps. Also you could stay up till 9pm say so you have an hour after kids go to sleep. Being a mother is not comparable to being a nanny- you would not ask a nanny to do a 17 hour shift, much like it would be unreasonable for your employer to ask you to do the same.

Many of us look after our children with no partner (I'm married but DH works offshore), don't have the luxury of a cleaner mon -fri and have to juggle work. It's not a race to the bottom but I don't think you have realistic expectations of being a mother, unless you yourself get a nanny.

HappyTwo · 08/12/2024 07:20

Your baby is 6 months - she is waking up so much in the middle of the night because she is hungry - it might help to start feeding her more proper food to sustain her. If she's still waking up then dream feed her an hour before she would normally wake up to get her into the practise of sleeping through. Ideally better to express and dream feed her a bottle so you can start adding water as you wean her off her middle of the night feeds.

WonderingWanda · 08/12/2024 07:17

At 6 months you are starting solid and dd is going to be sitting, crawling and walking soon so will be more tired. All of this should help towards sleeping through the night and dropping night feeds. As others have said, get yourself out to some baby groups as well.

IVFmumoftwo · 08/12/2024 07:12

It sounds to me like your DH does a lot and you do less to be honest. At least you don't have to get both children ready for the school run. You get plenty of rest from the sound of it. I wouldn't be staying at home though all the time.

FanofLeaves · 08/12/2024 07:09

Oh- and looking after your own child is NOT comparable with being a nanny. I’ve been a nanny for 15 years but looking after my own baby and now three year old was/is a walk in the park compared to looking after other people’s children.

IVFmumoftwo · 08/12/2024 07:06

You do get a break though? Your baby naps? You also have cleaners all week. I have to fit all the chores in whilst my toddler naps and then quickly get some lunch. Why do you call them childcare shifts? It is just what is called parenting really.

FanofLeaves · 08/12/2024 07:06

Oh wow. Right-o then OP.

What was the point of you posting in the first place, exactly?

Original poster
Luckystarss · 08/12/2024 07:02

To the jealous posters out there:

  • foot massager isn’t very expensive, got it on Amazon . 15 mins of pure bliss. daily. Highly recommend to any tired mums (or anyone with tired feet!)
  • i simply do not share your view that man has nothing to contribute to baby care and should only focus on his work and his sleep. Sorry not sorry
  • setting example for DS - I was referring to DH having time with and looking after the baby, mostly.
  • we had cleaners before my mat leave as we both work in highly demanding jobs and simply didn’t have time & energy for this stuff, with new baby our time only decreased so there is no logic in letting cleaners go.
  • as to “looking after baby all day” being referred as “doing nothing” - surely you understand if that was the case then nannies would not be charging what they are, would they? For “doing nothing “
  • I also do not share your view that mothers should work themselves to the ground with self sacrifice and self exhaustion, it’s great if it works for you (does it?) but that’s not my route.

have a restful Sunday!
I know I will (try)

OP posts:
Hyperquiet · 07/12/2024 23:00

Get out to baby groups to break up the day.

cherish123 · 07/12/2024 22:21

Play groups etc.
Cook and do housework while DD has the 2hr nap.
Presumably, if she's 6mths, she is eating food so probably doesn't need as much milk at night. Could she sleep in your room? 8pm is very early for you to go to bed. I would try t get yourself into sleeping 11-6 pattern.

Suzuki76 · 07/12/2024 22:11

I didn't like mat leave but I certainly didn't martyr myself by staying in every day clock watching. I did about 7 different baby classes across the year, went to baby cinema, took myself off to outlet malls an hour away and popped into Costa to breastfeed if I needed to. I also didn't sleep every time the baby slept as that was time to myself in which I didn't want to be unconscious. I think, as you've said, trying to reframe it as a privilege in your mind will help.

FanofLeaves · 07/12/2024 22:03

Wantitalltogoaway · 07/12/2024 21:16

I’m sure it’s not, but my point is babies don’t need to be feeding in the night at 6 months.

I’d be working to sort that out as I would hate to still be doing two night feeds after half a year.

Show quote history

Really?! Six months is nothing to drop all night feeds! I’d say that’s actually very unusual, so you obviously got lucky.

at that age the amount of solid food they consume is going to be negligible, most of them are almost certainly going to need a milk top up during the night hours.

Rowen32 · 07/12/2024 22:01

Wantitalltogoaway · 07/12/2024 21:16

I’m sure it’s not, but my point is babies don’t need to be feeding in the night at 6 months.

I’d be working to sort that out as I would hate to still be doing two night feeds after half a year.

Show quote history

That's totally inaccurate and dreadful advice

Rowen32 · 07/12/2024 22:00

I thought you were actually employed as a childcare worker and that was your shift!
Can you reframe it? It's just typical days with a young baby.. thinking of it as a 17 hour shift isn't helping. Enjoy the sleep you do get and the nap times

Stirrednshaken · 07/12/2024 21:45

converseandjeans · 07/12/2024 21:40

@Stirrednshaken

Ermmmm they absolutely do. Advice is to not restrict night feeds until they are at least a year old.

I've never restricted night feeds. Just followed a routine & they were eating plenty during the day & so never needed a feed in the night. Obviously they woke up occasionally if they were ill or teething. But with enough solids & milk during the day they should be able to last the night.

Absolutely fine if your baby isn't waking to feed, no way would I wake a sleeping baby! But the other poster said that they don't need them, which is absolutely not true for many.

converseandjeans · 07/12/2024 21:40

@Stirrednshaken

Ermmmm they absolutely do. Advice is to not restrict night feeds until they are at least a year old.

I've never restricted night feeds. Just followed a routine & they were eating plenty during the day & so never needed a feed in the night. Obviously they woke up occasionally if they were ill or teething. But with enough solids & milk during the day they should be able to last the night.

AllYearsAround · 07/12/2024 21:30

Stirrednshaken · 07/12/2024 21:21

Ermmmm they absolutely do. Advice is to not restrict night feeds until they are at least a year old.

Show quote history

Advice is also to restrict night feeds, it just depends what advise you choose to follow!

Stirrednshaken · 07/12/2024 21:21

Wantitalltogoaway · 07/12/2024 21:16

I’m sure it’s not, but my point is babies don’t need to be feeding in the night at 6 months.

I’d be working to sort that out as I would hate to still be doing two night feeds after half a year.

Show quote history

Ermmmm they absolutely do. Advice is to not restrict night feeds until they are at least a year old.

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