To get through 17hour childcare shifts. Tips?

When does your husband get to have some unbroken sleep? You get 6 hours 8-2am….he gets 2am to around 6am (maybe earlier if he also has to get DS ready for school) if he leaves the house at 7am so 4 hours. You also get to nap when baby naps during the day. Your poor husband must be absolutely exhausted! Also if you’re on maternity leave why is your son having to go to school at 7am when your husband leaves for work. I think you need to reevaluate what is fair/right for the rest of the family and not just you.

@Inmydreams88

and how does her husband take son to school but then has a 3.5-4 hour commute every day 🤔

I reckon the son has to do breakfast club every morning. Probably gets dropped off 7.30.

Can you get a nanny and go back to work OP? It doesn’t sound like you enjoy parenting a baby at all!

You sound more bored than anything. Yes broken sleep is rough and parenting can be really hard work, presumably the majority of women commenting on this post have been there and do have sympathy for you! But it’s really not that usual to have cleaners 4 days a week and a DH who literally walks in the door after being out for 12 hours and takes the baby. When do you see your DH?

Does your DS have to go to breakfast club at 7am and who gets him ready for that etc? Does your baby nap in a cot during the day so you can get stuff done or even take a nap then? I’ve definitely gone back to bed for a hour at 9am after a rough night. Does your baby (and older child) have a set bedtime and get put to bed solely by your DH every night?

I feel like you’re describing how exhausted and overwhelmed I felt in the first couple of weeks with a newborn and a toddler (and no cleaner) - not a 6 month old and a 7 year old!

If you’re struggling this much then I’d seriously consider weaning off breastfeeding. It might not help with sleep (hopefully will) but at least your DH can do a bottle in the night since he’s woken up anyway at 2am. Then you could take turns and each of you could have an unbroken nights sleep every other night.

and how does her husband take son to school but then has a 3.5-4 hour commute every day 🤔

You are obviously finding it hard being a SAHM even though you have cleaners every day and DH takes son to school. If you are just bored can you go back to work earlier. I had a 5year old 2 year old twins and a newborn. That was my choice. I did everything myself with no help as DH had a job which involved driving so could not be tired. I enjoyed being a SAHM and felt that I was very lucky to be able to be one. As you already had a child you knew what to expect.

I’ve just re-read the OP’s daily routine and the more I read it the more bizarre it is. I’m starting to wonder if this is fake.

They don’t have any kind of evening or time together. Why are both kids not being put down at 7ish so they can have dinner together? Then the baby could be given a dream feed at 10.30ish before OP and DH go to bed?

When does the DH get any ‘downtime’?

And why does DH have to always ‘bring’ her the baby for feeding? He must be exhausted.

This is such a strange attitude to parenting! You talk of childcare, shifts , clock watching and waiting for your break! This is not a job. This is a life that you choose knowing full well what it entails. I’m a single parent and was a stay at home mum for the first seven years. I’m not going to start comparative parenting but lots of parents do 24 hour ’ shifts’ for years!
Maybe it would help you to feel more content if you can try reframe your life as parenting not a job? Yes it can be dull and repetitive but ( most ) time spent with your kids is actually really special . These times will shape them and the rest of their lives. Their childhoods are not chores to be endured.
I hope you get a routine that makes you all happy. Good luck.

The crux of the problem seems to be that you don't have a normal adult evening and probably barely see your husband.

Your baby is six months old. You do have options around feeding.

You could stop breastfeeding if you wanted to. It doesn't have to be all of it but one bottle for her last feed would save you waking up as well.

Has she started weaning?

You seem a bit stuck on an almost newborn pattern.

I know they regress, I know they don't sleep through all the time but your wakings still seem quite a lot and I don't see the point in two people having interrupted sleep at 2am.

Why doesn't your husband just put her down with you? Currently he has to get up to then wake you up.

It's really easy to get set and not acknowledge that your baby is changing as well. Do you think you might be at that stage?

As for day, again she's big enough to pop in a swing or sit in a highchair at a community cafe. All a bit more interaction than the pushing about a newborn.

Get yourself to some groups or make arrangements with other mums to do things out and about. Doesn't need to be expensive. I used to take a sandwich and a flask of tea just so I could stay out rather than feeling tied to the house and it cut out lunchtime clearing up.

Exactly this. If your baby’s having a good diet and enough breastfeeds during the day then they shouldn’t need feeding in the night.

No one’s ‘restricting’ feeds, they just shouldn’t need them.

OP you really need to reset your thinking.

Most people on maternity leave don't just have 'childcare' to do, they also do all the cleaning and laundry.

At one point I was at home on maternity leave, with a 6 month old, and a a just over 2 yr old. DH left the house at 630am, and got in at 8pm- with more work to do once he'd eaten.
I did all night waking, all cooking, all cleaning & laundry. All bath & bedtime routine on my own. Kept the kids entertained all day. They didn't nap at the same time, and my eldest didn't watch any TV.
We couldn't afford 'help'.

I made sure we went out every day. Even if just to walk the dog.
You don't have a long childcare shift. You have the chance to spend time with your child as they develop and grow. You have lots of help with household tasks, so enjoy the time with your baby.

🤣

I think you need to quite literally get out more. I have a 2 year gap but with my first we lived in a flat and I didn’t have to look after another child so it was all about walks and coffees and baby classes and I loved it.

With my second, our first few months were awful as he had hours of purple crying every day so I never went anywhere. I then got into the mindset of keeping our big house tidy and getting dinner ready for DS1, etc. It then meant that I was stuck at home and it was so lonely and boring. Until I snapped out of it and kept myself busy with baby classes and walks and now after 14 months at home I’m about to go to return to work and am sad my mat leave is ending.

Keeping yourself busy and getting out more will make a huge difference.

what you’ve described is being a parent??? I’m so confused…

if you’re bored then go to baby classes, I’ve just gone back to work from maternity leave and some weeks I went to a class every week day

i simply do not share your view that man has nothing to contribute to baby care and should only focus on his work and his sleep. Sorry not sorry

Literally no one has said this. My view is that he is contributing far more than his fair share. Of course he should be involved and taking his turn looking after the baby but you seem to be ignoring the fact that he works all day (and you’ve also said you both have high pressure jobs) whereas you have a day where you have barely any housework to do and where your baby sleeps for 3 hours of it. What are you doing in those 3 hours? Not cooking or cleaning or laundry! Resting I assume.

You are breastfeeding. And it doesn’t sound like your baby is having bottle feeds. So what’s the point of both of you being up when she needs feeding? Especially when one of you is working a full day. I’ve never understood this. Her sleep sounds reasonable for a 6 month old. You should be able to deal with a couple of nightime wake ups without your dh having to also be up for every single one. It would surely be fairer if he was taking her at night just a couple of times a week and was able to get a decent nights sleep on occasion! Honestly, I breastfed and we never did bottles and I think that’s the price we pay for that - our DH’s can’t feed them so why does everyone need to be tired?

Don’t forget the ‘downtime’ of a long travel to work as well 🙄

Hang on, why is it 'downtime' for your dh when your dd is asleep, but for you it's part of your 'childcare shift'?

Wow - it's not really a race to the bottom is it?

There are always going to be those who have it easier/harder. It is drudgery a lot of the time in the early days, whilst also having lovely moments.

The reality is, it can just be a bit, dare I say it, boring at times. And repetitive.

You know it will whizz by OP but I know that isn't particularly helpful when you are in it. Before you know it, your daughter will in school and you will look back at the pictures wondering how on earth they were ever so small! As I am sure you do with your son.

P.S the foot massager sounds ace - looking into that!

When does your dh get a break? Sounds like never.

Agree that the 'childcare shift' terminology makes you sound worryingly distanced from your child(ren). By the title I thought the post was going to be from an exploited nanny or au pair.

If your DH leaves the house at 7am each morning what time does your poor son get to school? Why aren’t you taking him to school each day?

My daughter used to have to do breakfast club every morning when my partner and I both worked, but I loved giving her a later start in the mornings when I was on mat leave, and doing the school run added structure to the day for me with my son.

The thing that struck me when reading your day was the lack of social connection for you. Do you have any existing friends on maternity leave or have you made any new ones? I fondly remember weekly meet up at each others houses, coffees after swimming lessons, long buggy walks in the rain with a pal to try and get DS to nap.

She sounds an ungrateful, entitled princess. Poor DH, dancing to her tune

I like to make dinner in The morning. So slow cooker- prepare curry, Bologna’s, beef ragu etc. Or have all your veg and meat chopped for stir fry. Do as much as you can so getting food on table later is quicker. I’m not sure I understand your comments about a childcare worker …I look after my kids 24/7. Yes some of that they are asleep but there is always one waking up for some reason or other. That’s just parenthood. To be honest at first I thought you were pregnant with two children. I’d have had more sympathy. But you have a cleaner and your child naps. What’s not to like?!

I don’t really understand the issue. You get time off in the day when daughter sleeps, and when she’s awake she’s not at a taxing age, should still be at the age where they’re happy to look at the world around them from the pushchair while you go for a walk, meet a friend for coffee etc. Baby groups are purely for the benefit of the mum really to stop you getting bored, try that? Take her swimming? Motherhood is hard and mundane at times but it sounds like you have a very fortunate set up with regards to cleaning, laundry etc. and your eldest being in school!

If you’re really struggling with the boredom could you go back to work early?

I am on maternity leave at the moment. I have a 2.5 year old and a 10 month old. I was so miserable at the start. When baby was 4 months old I started to plan my day out better and its really helped me.

1. I use a slow cooker for my meals which means less time cooking and a warm meal for dinner
2. Lunches are simple sandwich, veg, salads etc
3. We have an activity planned for every single day. We leave the house at 9:30 and get back for 12:00. We go to a mix of children’s centres, church groups, library groups. This has really saved my mat leave. I needed to get out the house for my own sanity.

I think good on you for having cleaners etc. it was the non stop tidying, cooking and school runs that dragged me down in my last maternity leave.

would defo recommend finding a class or two to go to each week. You could try and find a few different ones and swap between to keep things varied. I use to love a good walk with the pushchair and a cup of coffee.