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Original poster

Dog at family christmas gathering

208 replies

Pippy2022 · 07/12/2024 00:21

I want my kids to join the big family gathering around Christmas time but a new 'big scary' dog will be there (pet of SIL). I can't speak directly to SIL and partner is useless communicator. Shall my kids just go on a separate day and not see rest of family or do I die from anxiety the whole time and pray for the best. Feeling quite annoyed about the whole thing tbh.

OP posts:
QueenBitch666 · 07/12/2024 00:45

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Jostuki · 07/12/2024 00:44

If you're incapable of acting like an adult and phoning your sister in law to ask how the dog is around children why can't you ask another relative who has met the dog?

Rainbowstripes · 07/12/2024 00:42

It's a tough one because I absolutely adore dogs, however I don't expect everyone to adore my dog and a lot of my family actively dislike dogs. Is it possible for you to meet the dog before Christmas without your kids so you can get an idea of what it's actually like and how well she manages it? For example my dog is big and bouncy (and a rescue) but we've done lots of training and management so my family can come round and trust that he won't invade their space unless invited.

TiredyMcTiredson · 07/12/2024 00:42

I'd not go, and not want my children around the dog either. Can you ask for the dog to be left at home? Not fair that your children miss out on family time because of a dog, but I don't think you are unreasonable at all to not want to go with it there.

HolyPeaches · 07/12/2024 00:42

Pippy2022 · 07/12/2024 00:41

My partner is not close at all with their family and I barely have contact so it's hard to reach out.

Show quote history

Don’t go then.

Problem solved.

HolyPeaches · 07/12/2024 00:42

Circumferences · 07/12/2024 00:41

I’m sorry to say, you are coming across as being quite difficult

Or, op doesn't like dogs or her SIL 😆
Both normal things

She’s not willing to reach out to her SIL to discuss anything. She’s being difficult.

Original poster
Pippy2022 · 07/12/2024 00:41

HolyPeaches · 07/12/2024 00:39

Why can’t you reach out?

Have you had fallouts in the past? Drama?

And if she’s had the dog a year then it’s not a ‘new’ dog.

I’m sorry to say, you are coming across as being quite difficult. So it’s probably in the best interest for you and your family if you do something separate with your family. It seems very unlikely that you are willing to give this woman a ring or text and have an adult conversation about the well-being and safety of your children.

Edited
Show quote history

My partner is not close at all with their family and I barely have contact so it's hard to reach out.

OP posts:
Moresweetsplease · 07/12/2024 00:41

Circumferences · 07/12/2024 00:38

If you don't like dogs, don't go.

A lot of people are terrible dog owners who can't control their awful dogs and anyway you can choose any reason to decline an invitation.

I agree.

In this day and age a lot of people even get upset if you ask them not to let their dog jump on you Because it’s their “fur baby” . So it could be a horrible experience for your kids, if you’re somehow unable to find out more info from your SIL.

Explain to your partner you’re not happy with having your kids feeling anxious and scared on Christmas Day or whenever this get together is and see what he says. And obviously as I said upthread ask the kids if they’re old enough to answer/express an opinion.

Circumferences · 07/12/2024 00:41

I’m sorry to say, you are coming across as being quite difficult

Or, op doesn't like dogs or her SIL 😆
Both normal things

Original poster
Pippy2022 · 07/12/2024 00:40

It just would have been nice for the kids to see their family? Ya'know.

OP posts:
HolyPeaches · 07/12/2024 00:39

Pippy2022 · 07/12/2024 00:36

Sil has had it for about a year. Honestly there's so much mental distance between us, I just can't reach out. Urgh. Hate this scenario.

Why can’t you reach out?

Have you had fallouts in the past? Drama?

And if she’s had the dog a year then it’s not a ‘new’ dog.

I’m sorry to say, you are coming across as being quite difficult. So it’s probably in the best interest for you and your family if you do something separate with your family. It seems very unlikely that you are willing to give this woman a ring or text and have an adult conversation about the well-being and safety of your children.

Circumferences · 07/12/2024 00:38

If you don't like dogs, don't go.

A lot of people are terrible dog owners who can't control their awful dogs and anyway you can choose any reason to decline an invitation.

Original poster
Pippy2022 · 07/12/2024 00:38

Honestly, I think I would just prefer it out of the house completely rather than make an uneducated guess about a dog's temperament. But I know that will probably raise eyebrows.

OP posts:
Original poster
Pippy2022 · 07/12/2024 00:36

Sil has had it for about a year. Honestly there's so much mental distance between us, I just can't reach out. Urgh. Hate this scenario.

OP posts:
MadnessIsMyMiddleName · 07/12/2024 00:36

Yes, but there's being 'not close', and not being able to talk to her. Can't you just pick up the phone, and say you understand the dog will be there, but you're a bit concerned because of the children, can she tell you what the dog is like, how old it is, what breed, etc. then do a bit of homework on the breed to find out more about it, before making your decision. Also, how does the host feel about your SIL taking along a 'big, scary, dog', have you asked them if they could say no to the dog going to the party?

OneRealRosePlayer · 07/12/2024 00:34

Why don't you message her asking about the dog. "Hey, i heard you got a new dog. Id love to see a picture.""so cute. What breed is he? Hows training going? Etc". Just pretend your interested in the dog and then you have more information to make a decision

Applefumble · 07/12/2024 00:34

Dogs are like members of the family to a lot of people. You need to give a more balanced view of the situation, otherwise it's impossible to comment.

HolyPeaches · 07/12/2024 00:34

You need more information from your SIL before you make your decision.

Why can’t you communicate directly with her? Do you speak different languages?

You need to know what breed it is, how old it is, (I.e is it an untrained hyperactive puppy, or is it an older rescue) you need to know it’s temperament.

Original poster
Pippy2022 · 07/12/2024 00:33

MadnessIsMyMiddleName · 07/12/2024 00:33

There's clearly a back story here if you 'can't speak directly to SIL', what is it?

Just not close at all.

OP posts:
Original poster
Pippy2022 · 07/12/2024 00:33

Also dog is a rescue dog.

OP posts:
MadnessIsMyMiddleName · 07/12/2024 00:33

There's clearly a back story here if you 'can't speak directly to SIL', what is it?

Original poster
Pippy2022 · 07/12/2024 00:32

No, partner wants to go with the kids but I know I will be really worried and I know my kids will be put in a position where they will be trying to avoid a 'big scary dog'.

OP posts:
Moresweetsplease · 07/12/2024 00:31

Just don’t go on that day. Sounds like you won’t enjoy it and you have no idea of this dogs temperament and if likes being around noisy kids etc.

I was never keen on dogs as a kid and certainly to this day don’t like eating around them. So I’d have preferred not to go , but hey that’s just me - maybe ask the kids how they feel and also ask your SIL how the dog has been around kids?

vodkaredbullgirl · 07/12/2024 00:30

Is your partner wanting to get out of family gathering?

Original poster
Pippy2022 · 07/12/2024 00:30

YouAteTheSteak · 07/12/2024 00:26

Whose house is it?

It's not the dog owners.

Plus my kids are on the spectrum so more prone to anxiety.

OP posts:
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