Dog at family christmas gathering

Yes

It seems to be known that they have a poor relationship with the family, the kids can be rowdy and the parents don't like dogs. The only uncertainty is the dogs behaviour!

Ask or accept it's your problem

Can’t you ask your PIL to ensure the dog is kept in the garden while your children visit?

TBH having hyperactive children with additional needs and a large rescue dog in the same room sounds an invitation to disaster.

So they’ve had the dog a year, and it looks ‘ Big and scary’ but you don’t actually know if it is big and scary?

Instead of second guessing, just make the phone call! Ask what they plan to do with the dog, what his temperant is like etc. sone of the bigger dogs are gentle giants, and it’s the small yappy ones that you have to be aware of. You could even explain that your kids are scared of dogs, hence the questions.

If your SIL and the dog are staying there and you're only visiting for a few hours, surely the dog can be put in a room away from the children for the duration of your visit, or at least for times when the house is really busy. Poor dog would probably prefer a bit of peace and quiet and being away from children anyway.

Because if they are going to be away all day it is cruel to leave the dog alone without being let out for the toilet.

Why?

No one is telling them not to. She's allowed to have a dog. You have no idea if it's well behaved or not.

This is all a bit peculiar. Your DH needs to reach out with a simple question like 'hey mum, what's the dog like? Obvs DGC will be full on & noisy, will it be OK? Would it be best for the dog to be away whilst we're there or should we just come before dsis gets arrives?'

But you both seem to be making a mountain out of a molehill when actually you don't even know if it's a molehill at all, might just be a lil scuff in the turf.

You also do VERY much need to work out teaching your kids how to be around dogs else without that knowledge, at some point, they will get bitten.

It does sound a dramatic response, however, if it causes you stress then politely decline. Blame an allergy if needs be.

I don't like dogs and wouldn't want my Christmas to involve a dog snarling at me, humping my leg or smelling my nether regions. Id suss the dog out first, some are cute but others are not despite the owner claiming'he's friendly'

THE DOG IS THE LEAST OF YOUR PROBLEMS...you about to spend a special day with people you don't care/share interests/ can talk comfortably 'My partner is not close at all with their family and I barely have contact so it's hard to reach out.

I wouldn't risk put my kids in an uncomfortable/dangerous position (And I love dogs.. for me the more the merrier)

In your position I wouldn't go...not because of the dog but because it all sounds fake and heartless

Respectfully OP, you sound like a teenager.

You and your partner are clearly both scared of dogs.

You really are being difficult about this. Pick up the phone to SIL and ask some sensible questions about the dog. Make an informed decision.

Also, watch some videos with your children about dogs and warning signs. Dogs communicate very clearly if they are unhappy. Their ear position changes, they open their eyes wide so you can see the whites, they often curl their lip up so the gum is visible (some people mistake this for a smile). It's also useful teaching kids what not to do around dogs - no hugging or kissing, offer your hand first, no pulling of tail or ears. If your kids can't be trusted or are too young to behave sensibly they need to be supervised.
You honestly sound like a drama llama. You really want to go but are not close this family???

If you want to go it may be possible but requires you to put your big girl pants on.

thats actually really mean

If he wants to go and take the kids why on earth is he scaremongering instead of just talking about it rationally?

are you both prone to dramatics about this sort of thing?

I would be honest about the reason. I won't come for lunch as I'm a bit worried about the dog with the kids, but I will pop round later/on x date to see you.

Sorry to say (I like dogs) but they are animals and can act unexpectedly. Especially if a rescue.

If you don't feel comfortable with your kids being around the dog simply don't go. If you can perhaps see if the dog can be left at home or go somewhere else for part of the day (maybe they will take it for a long walk or to see other family or arrive late etc) and you do your visiting then.

Don't put yourself in an uncomfortable situation.

I prefer my dog to most humans. Lots of owners probably feel the same way and it's why they bring them everywhere- they are family.

If your partner isn't close to his family then why is he bothered about going?
Just stay at home and visit them when SIL leaves, you can't reasonably dictate if the dog is allowed to stay in someone else's house or not but you can visit another time.

When I first moved to the town I now stay in, I was looking into joining a meet up group for women to make new friends and do fun activities together. Like shopping at street markets, brunches etc. Then I saw it was “pooches welcome” etc and saw some dogs in their social media photos and I just rolled my eyes.

People aren’t able to bring their (actual human!) babies for example so I don’t see why they can bring their “fur babies” ?

You’ve joined a new group to meet other PEOPLE surely - leave your dog at home for a few hours ffs unless it’s a dog walker community or something. It put me off it completely.

I saw the same thing for a bookshop run book club too 🤦🏽‍♀️ dog friendly blah blah.
dogs at a book club - why?!

You and your partner sound ridiculous and it’s no wonder your kids are nervous of dogs if your partner is describing the animal as big and scary . If your partner isn’t close to their family it seems like you just want to make a huge drama over nothing . If the animals owner is staying over Christmas where would you suggest she puts her pet , particularly as it seems to be only your part of the family that has a problem with it .

Well they can - minus your sister in law and the dog if you go on a different day. If the hosts are happy to accommodate the dog and neither you nor your partner can communicate effectively with your sister in law you'll just have to visit separately.

Why do people these days bring their dogs wherever they go? I really don't understand it. If your kids are petrified of dogs then just make your excuses I suppose without making a big family drama about it I suppose. No point of giving the kids an anxious day.

I would never take my young child to any house where there was a dog present and would also never let anyone bring a dog to my house.