Dog at family christmas gathering

Or turkey or crackers or Christmas trees or Christmas pudding or Brussel sprouts or tinsel or Carol services or stocking or elves or Santa or holly or...What's your point?

Some people get offended even if you ask them whether their dog is well behaved. Also the answer : yes, the dog is well behaved is not always helpful as different people put different meaning into this.
I would rather ask : Is it possible to keep dog in a separate room while children are visiting? And then see what you’ve got in response.
If you are not sure how reliable the communication is I will visit on a different day.

If you’re not close enough to pick up the phone and call any one of them why on earth do you want to spend the there?

No Santa in the bible, no Christmas trees. I could go on.

Large powerful dogs should not be kept as pets. The fact that it's a rescue adds an extra element of risk. I would refuse to go and I would make sure the owners of the dog knew why.
Dog owners need to wake up and realise that their creatures are a problem!

So you know very little about this dog and YOU have decided it’s scary. You have also done naff all about getting your kids used to dogs and have pandered to their ‘anxiety’. This is a you problem

There is dogs in the bible.

Anyway op, I think you have made the right decision not to go.

Without knowing more information on the dog its hard to say of your sil is unreasonable for bringing it...the dog could just be large but not really bother with the kids and you could keep them away from it. Its not really a new dog if they have had it a year

People could consider my dog "scary" as she is large but that doesn't make her a danger to children. She is a greyhound and would just take herself away from the hustle and bustle and sleep so as long as kids didnt keep going over to her, there would be no bother.

Everyone else is happy for the dog to ve there so as the ones with the issue, I think its right you go another day

I'm the same!

Shock - horror, newsflash.
Dogs are a nightmare.
There are also way too many dogs.

🙄

And?

You don't like them and he's not close
The dog isn't an issue
What's the point of going?
Assuming they live too far away if they're staying so there's not much else they can do with the dog

Christmas is celebrating the birth of Christ. There are no dogs in the bible.

This. You and your partner have obviously cased your children’s fear of dogs as they are just picking up your ridiculous attitude to them.

I'd ask too and if not I wouldn't take my children.

You can't assess any risk without having an open and guest chat with SIL. She can't reassure you or provide you with context and info about the dog unless you let her know about your concerns.

A conversation with SIL is required OP.

If you can't make that happen for the sake of your DC's safety and your sanity then YABU. Parenting involves advocating for DC and having tricky conversations.

Just go on a separate day and explain why? We're also missing Christmas with my family this year for a similar reason (new baby) . Although their dog isn't scary he is very big and they are can't control him. ( He has a tendency to jump up).

OP, dogs are everywhere. Look up dog body language and warning signs. It's a basic life skill these days, and you will feel a lot more confident for it.

Although this sounds more like it's actually about the family, rather than the dog.

I'm a dog person, but I would not put myself or children in the presence of a dog without more information. If there's any chance it has pitbull, xl bully, or some other dangerous breed in the mix, I would not risk it.

But to be honest, if the situation is such that neither you nor your partner can speak to someone in his family about this concern, it probably wouldn't be a wonderful Christmas with them, anyway.

You are not creating confident children. Your anxieties will not help your children long term. They are missing out on the friendship & loyalty that dogs give. By saying it is big & scary you are already putting fear into them. So sad for the children.

Agree to rearrange to see family with the children when SIL and the dog have gone home? You and your husband seem to be very scared of dogs which, understandably makes you worry for your children. How does he know the dog is "big and scary"? Has someone told him, has he seen a photo?

Dogs and children don’t necessarily mix well - especially a rescue dog and children with ASD and/or ADHD. There’s a lot of unpredictability there. If SIL is staying over Christmas with the dog, it makes sense to see those family members at a different time.

So you aren’t close to the family at all and rarely speak so why what’s different about Xmas day? Why bother? I’d rather sit the hot press reading an old copy of the yellow pages than spend Xmas with people I’m not close to.

I think you just need to be a grown up and say that your children and yourself are anxious around animals and so this year you'll be staying at home. Maybe explain your children's conditions make it difficult for them to be calm around dogs so not really fair on either party.

Christmas is for humans, not dogs.

Well your poor kids will be scared if you and your partner keep going on about the “big scary dog”!!! FGS you haven’t seen the dog and have no idea of the breed so I think you shouldn’t get ahead of yourself. I have two dogs an Old English Sheepdog and a Bernese Mountain Dog both very big but exceedingly gentle and child friendly. The ‘big scary dog’ might be nothing of the sort. Poor kid#.