Dog at family christmas gathering

I think you just shouldn't go if your husband isn't willing to call and actually ask questions about the dog/discuss with your SIL how to manage the situation with a dog and children who are scared. Big and scary could mean anything- could be a big gentle giant, or could be a big reactive bully-type dog. If neither of you are willing to ask, then you'd be better off avoiding the situation.

I think it would also be good to try and get your kids used to dogs as much as you are able, although I can see you won't be able to do that before Xmas.

To be fair, some kids are just scared of dogs. I'm a MASSIVE dog lover (grew up with big breeds, love dogs of all shapes and sizes), my DH isn't a dog lover but isn't at all scared of them. My five year old has been around family members' dogs since he was a baby and hasn't had any particularly frightening experiences, apart from being jumped at by a small one once. He's absolutely terrified. He loves dogs from a distance, but can't cope with being in a room with one off-lead and shakes with fear if they come within touching distance. Even a family member's dog who he sees every week. He will stroke my friend's elderly shih tzu very gingerly if I'm there holding its collar and enjoys throwing a ball for my mum's dog, as long as someone is there to give him back the ball so the dog doesn't come too close. But we wouldn't be able to get him through the door of a friend's house, for example, if they had a dog there. No idea where the fear comes from but it can just happen- think he's the first non dog lover in the history of our family!

I have to agree with this

Why can't they leave the dog at home?

Because leaving a dog on its own for days on end (or even just all day and overnight) while they're staying at someone else's house for Christmas would be horrendously cruel. And because the hosts are obviously perfectly happy for the dog to be in their house. Why shouldn't they be? Why should anyone else get to dictate who or what they're allowed to have in their own house?

It's a dog you haven't met before

Gosh, if only the OP had thought about Christmas arrangements and how it was all going to work out with the dog and her kids during the entire year the SIL has had the dog rather than two weeks before. 🙄

I wouldn't go if I were you. I love dogs but it sounds to me you really don't want to go and that's OK. Dog wouldn't put me off but the back story doesn't sound good. Families don't always get on for a million reasons.

It’s up to the hosts.

If they would prefer to have the dog there, you should probably make alternative arrangements to see them over Christmas.

No big deal.

Or she would be completely normal and reasonable about it. It’s very hard to tell since OP won’t speak to her.

And it would be nice if you had thought about this more than two weeks in advance.

I wouldn't take my kids into the house with a potentially dangerous dog, which this qualifies as from what you've said. You don't trust your SIL's judgement, clearly, and the information you have doesn't sound good. It's wild so many on here disagree. I won't take my kids round to my friend's house who has a "reactive" German Shepherd either, even though they're considered a family breed for some reason. No, they've killed and maimed people plenty of times and it's impossible to know when somebody else's dog is going to snap. Half the time the owners seem shocked when their violent dog mauls someone.

I get from your language using words like ‘leashed’ & ‘ dog park’ you are not English. Dogs in England are part of our everyday life. In public areas most owners are considerate of people who are not that comfortable around them. We do not have specific dog parks that I am aware of in the UK. In winter even beaches become completely dog friendly.

There was no internet in the Bible …. But here we are.

The world has moved on since the first century.

Why would they want to leave their dog at home. If the people hosting are happy for the dog to come too, then it's fine.

Yeah, people get a dog for a companion & to socialise with others who feel the same. So a book club that's dog friendly is great, if you don't like dogs join one that's not friendly.

FFS they're digs not dragons!!

What's in it for your family with these Christmas arrangements? You aren't keen on dogs (which is fine, they aren't for everyone) and you don't sound close to these people. Why not do something that you might enjoy for Christmas instead? Life's too short for this crap.

Your partner sounds a hopeless idiot. He comes home to an over anxious wife and tells her about a big, scary dog but can’t say what breed or speak to his sister. Does he not want you to go?!!

I totally agree with you. The fact is that there are dogs everywhere and it can be limiting for your dcs if they are scared. I also believe if you are nervous around dogs, the dog will pick up on your tension, causing it to feel anxious in turn and possibly react negatively.

Well, it's a bit hard for SIL to be honest if OP won't even talk to her.

I find owners of rescues to be pretty good, in general. It's the oodle cross owners that are more likely to not understand dogs. Often well - meaning, though.

Because they are staying with someone who is apparently happy to have the dog there? Why would you try to get a kennel over Christmas (nightmare!) in that situation?

I doubt SIL would be completely honest .

Exactly.

The whole point of having a pet is to be nice to it. My dog likes to get out and see different things, and be with me. Ergo, I like to take my dog when I can.

This thread just reminds me why I far prefer the company of dogs to human beings.

Because you shouldn't leave a dog for days alone at home when you stop over someone's house at Christmas

Why can't they leave the dog at home? It's a dog you haven't met before, a big rescue and you're children are scared of dogs. So no, I'd go see the family another day and if your partner wants to still go he can go alone

Teach your kids to cope with dogs. It's a life skill, seeing as there are so many around.
I don't know what you should do about the family visit - ask if the dog can go in another room? I visit peoples homes as part of my job and I'm supposed to ask for dogs to be put away (I never do, I love dogs though never yet had one).

You know nothing about this dog... so judgemental.

Your partner isn't close to his family, you're not close to his family, why do you care about the kids going. Just tell your partner that no, he's not taking them somewhere with a dog HE describes as 'big & scary' it's too risky.