Increasingly hate sitting next to people

Most of the comments here are not relevant to what OP actually said. She doesn't want to go to a lunch and theatre trip.

Her thread title said 'hate sitting next to people', so any post about close proximity to people is surely relevant. In any case, it would be a bit odd to expect a discussion thread on an open forum not to expand in the slightest from the specific details in the OP!

Yes, of course.
I calculated that given where I come from, it would be for the best.
Twenty years ago, the bar for women in my country was pitifully low.

Yes, this is similar to me. I used to take my daughter to the theatre often, and eat out regularly with work colleagues. Now the idea of doing either seems absurd. Theatres with hundreds of people packed into a small space - can't quite imagine why I used to enjoy it. Will never attend again.

I think the pandemic taught me that too many people need to learn what personal space and spatial awareness is.

I’m not bothered by people sitting next to me if there is nowhere else to sit, but if there is more than enough room, empty train car or bus and not encroaching on others space (in a restaurant setting) than I am going to be irked.

Sympathies to you for having an abusive parent, and I guess that in itself must affect how you feel about people. However, surely if you want 20 years to yourself, it's within your power to choose not to be with your husband any more?

I am going alone to the theatre tonight and will be sitting next to shock, horror: strangers! I take the Tube daily. I regularly meet strangers.

I dont know anyone in real life who hates sitting next to their own friends!
How do you all manage sex? Deeply unhygienic activity.😂

You presumably chose to marry your husband though?

Most of the comments here are not relevant to what OP actually said. She doesn't want to go to a lunch and theatre trip.

She posted about not wanting to sit next to friends/family and wanting to avoid a social occasion for that reason. I admit I am extra sad about this because I haven't got anyone to go with anymore. But it really genuinely baffles me - even if I still had my pre-Covid social life, I'd be saddened by this.

She isn't talking about public transport!

What happens if people that the OP deigned to spend time with ...what happens if one of them walks in and wants to give her a hug hello?! 😱😱😱

I should thank you OP - because you have genuinely made me realise I must spend less time here. It's starting to give me a weird view of the world.

Yes, I accept what you said in your first paragraph.
However, my greatest fear in life is that others might for some reason outlive me (elderly abusive parent and my husband), which would be statistically impossible, and I wouldn't be able to live the way I want.
22 years with parents, didn't choose to be born, 20 years with husband.
Where are my own twenty years?
Simple.

I think all it did was confirm to you that you prefer a hermit like existence. Thankfully, we are all like this otherwise the world would grind to a halt.

Meant to add - I actually wonder how many adults would cope with doing this now, never mind teenagers.

Do you accept though that, overall, it is not good for the human race to be increasingly retreating into their individual, virtual shells? It seems very dystopian to me.

I realise the irony that I'm here chatting online to a bunch of online people I don't know. However, I happen to also be spending a week staying with a family in another country, accompanying an exchange group of teenagers who have also been brave enough to spend a week staying in a family they don't know, in another country, who speak a different language. Yesterday they were absolutely crammed into an underground train with no room to move! The Exchange is a fantastic cultural experience for them, but we may have to stop running them, as fewer and fewer are brave enough to go. When I was their age, it was the norm to go on an exchange. Few schools offer them now.

I think the pandemic taught us that other people are best avoided wherever possible. Lockdown was a revelation. Have avoided public places ever since.

There are also plenty of clean freaks who think it’s gross not to shower at least once a day and that you need to scour yourself like a dirty saucepan otherwise you will STINK.

And yet until relatively recently this was totally the norm and nobody would have regarded 'person unwashed for 3 days smell' as unpleasant or in any way unacceptable. It's not a question of whether people smell or don't smell. Everyone smells of something. Incidentally, I'm not saying this defensively. I shower every morning, wash my hair every day, wear deodorant and perfume etc. I just don't feel repulsed if everyone doesn't smell freshly showered. There's a big difference between that and a bad B.O. smell, for example.

No, YANBU, OP.
I cannot wait for some people to go away from my life, so I can become a happy recluse.
Virtual people are alright.
Been like this since I can remember.

There are plenty of people on MN that think it's fine to only wash any part of your body twice a week apart from your face. I certainly wouldn't want to be sitting right next to one of these types. However much they insist they don't smell, they will do.

How is it an 'obsession with driving' to suggest that people who can't cope with being on public transport might be better off driving? Do you have a better solution?

@JohnTheRevelator
Ah,I wondered how long it would be before a comment like this appeared! What is this Mumsnet obsession with driving?!

I don't think the comment was said out of an obsession with driving - but more that so many posters are struggling with coming into contact with other people when using public transport.

I am always astonished by the number of people who say they hate people but never consider that they are also people. One would think that every poster on here is Grace Kelly, fragrant, groomed, refined...

I'm not obsessed with driving. I was merely offering a solution.
The other options are to cycle or stay at home.

DH and I own our own small business and have a retail area open to the public. What infuriates me is when people come in with streaming colds/coughs and seem obsessed with being in your personal space - it's just the two of us and so if we catch something, we're screwed. I would hastily add that I'm not germ phobic and don't have health anxiety - but I am type 2 diabetic and am currently on antibiotics with a horrid chest infection thanks to the customer that brought it in to us 2 weeks ago. I had hoped that some lessons from the pandemic would stay in people's minds but nope, it's back to "me me me, I have to go out whether I'm unwell or not". No wonder the NHS is floundering. I've stayed at home all week because I don't want to pass this onto anyone, it's a nasty virus.

Worrying it is. And more worrying is the justifying abnormal behaviours with statements like - people are gross ☹️.

Some are, some aren't, but we must all exist together, not hide ourselves away.

OP, are you used to people encroaching into your personal space whether intentional or not and not felt able to say anything?

You do realise people that know how to drive and do drive also take public transport.

Also, the last thing needed is more cars on the road.