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AIBU?

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Original poster

Increasingly hate sitting next to people

260 replies

Woollypullover · 06/12/2024 23:30

and I don't know why.

Is anyone else like this? I'm BU and should be comfortable sitting next to people, shouldn't I? I never used to be like this.

This coming week, I wish I could avoid a trip to the theatre and lunch with a group in a restaurant because I don't want to sit next to anyone.

I even make excuses and turn up late, so I can sit on the end.

I'm BU aren't I?

OP posts:
ilovesooty · 08/12/2024 12:18

I also think it's strange to find sitting in the seat next to someone at the theatre disgusting and find it peculiar that anyone would still want to live like they did under restrictions.
Still, it's not anyone else's business if they want to make their world small, unless it causes problems for their families, especially their children.

Howmanymoredays · 08/12/2024 12:15

cardibach · 08/12/2024 11:57

They aren’t bad though. I mean, more trains a busy times would be nice, but sitting next to someone in a theatre or at a dinner table? Disgusting? Really?

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Yes, if you are sitting there for a while, all the air you are breathing in has just come straight out of their mouth. Seems equally as disgusting as sharing a toothbrush with them.

cardibach · 08/12/2024 11:57

Howmanymoredays · 08/12/2024 11:53

Perhaps it is more that after everyone's attention was drawn to 'social distancing' for a while, and people got used to having their own space and liked it, things that were previously seen as 'normal' now feel much more unpleasant.
I think I used to go along with being packed into theatre seats right next to other people, because it was just the done thing and no one questioned it. Being packed onto a commuter train in the morning, pressed right up against other people. Now I look back in disgust at those things, and wonder why I ever thought that was OK.
Sometimes you need that pause just to reflect and realise that things that were previously accepted as the norm aren't necessarily good. I was actually really surprised that anyone wanted to go back to that model after restrictions eased.

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They aren’t bad though. I mean, more trains a busy times would be nice, but sitting next to someone in a theatre or at a dinner table? Disgusting? Really?

Howmanymoredays · 08/12/2024 11:53

cardibach · 08/12/2024 11:25

This isn’t the case in theatres though is it? Same number of seats in exactly the same proximity.

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Perhaps it is more that after everyone's attention was drawn to 'social distancing' for a while, and people got used to having their own space and liked it, things that were previously seen as 'normal' now feel much more unpleasant.
I think I used to go along with being packed into theatre seats right next to other people, because it was just the done thing and no one questioned it. Being packed onto a commuter train in the morning, pressed right up against other people. Now I look back in disgust at those things, and wonder why I ever thought that was OK.
Sometimes you need that pause just to reflect and realise that things that were previously accepted as the norm aren't necessarily good. I was actually really surprised that anyone wanted to go back to that model after restrictions eased.

cardibach · 08/12/2024 11:25

taxguru · 08/12/2024 08:55

Not just more, but also more concentrated and not spread out which makes it even worse.

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This isn’t the case in theatres though is it? Same number of seats in exactly the same proximity.

taxguru · 08/12/2024 08:55

RampantIvy · 08/12/2024 08:53

There are many more people for a start, which doesn't help.

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Not just more, but also more concentrated and not spread out which makes it even worse.

taxguru · 08/12/2024 08:53

SquirrelSoShiny · 07/12/2024 21:09

Cheap companies cramming people in like sardines are to blame.

Are you willing to pay twice as much for double the space?

RampantIvy · 08/12/2024 08:53

Jagoda · 08/12/2024 08:47

Sorry @Lentilweaver I didn’t explain myself well.

I am ND myself and my point is that modern life is so far removed from what was normal even a hundred years ago, that many more adults are struggling to cope.

There are many more people for a start, which doesn't help.

Jagoda · 08/12/2024 08:47

Sorry @Lentilweaver I didn’t explain myself well.

I am ND myself and my point is that modern life is so far removed from what was normal even a hundred years ago, that many more adults are struggling to cope.

Lentilweaver · 08/12/2024 08:42

I struggle to understand what is so tough and complex about going to the theatre- ita's a privilege in these times- unless you are ND in some way. But then MN is full of people who like to make their world smaller and smaller.
Carry on. I think YANBU but it's your life.

Jagoda · 08/12/2024 08:38

Jean Paul Sartre was right when he said “Hell is other people” and it definitely isn’t a new thing.

My view is that modern society is so overwhelming and complex that increasing numbers of us are struggling to cope.

Lentilweaver · 08/12/2024 08:32

Just don't go then. Fake an illness and stay at home.

Original poster
Woollypullover · 07/12/2024 21:34

ByHardyAquaFox · 07/12/2024 21:32

You can always stand if that bothers you so much.

Good idea. I'm sure the people on the row behind in the theatre will really appreciate that.

OP posts:
ByHardyAquaFox · 07/12/2024 21:32

You can always stand if that bothers you so much.

Original poster
Woollypullover · 07/12/2024 21:31

RampantIvy · 07/12/2024 21:15

Instead of getting the bus. No need to be facetious.
If you don't like sitting next to people at the cinema you can either go at unpopular times or stay home and watch TV.

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Actually, I cycle. Nobody should be encouraged away from public transport and into a car. 🌍

OP posts:
RampantIvy · 07/12/2024 21:15

Woollypullover · 07/12/2024 21:04

You think I should drive into a restaurant and the theatre.

Ok

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Instead of getting the bus. No need to be facetious.
If you don't like sitting next to people at the cinema you can either go at unpopular times or stay home and watch TV.

Original poster
Woollypullover · 07/12/2024 21:13

I'm not worried about germs at all (although people really can fuck off with their incessant sniffing).

I just hate being in close proximity to people for extended periods of time.

OP posts:
SquirrelSoShiny · 07/12/2024 21:09

Cheap companies cramming people in like sardines are to blame.

Original poster
Woollypullover · 07/12/2024 21:04

RampantIvy · 07/12/2024 10:21

I'm not obsessed with driving. I was merely offering a solution.
The other options are to cycle or stay at home.

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You think I should drive into a restaurant and the theatre.

Ok

OP posts:
RampantIvy · 07/12/2024 18:09

I do feel for the children of people who can't envisage dealing with public spaces and people any more. It must impact on them.

I agree @ilovesooty
I often see threads on MN from extreme introverts dreading having to interact with HCPs, teachers, other parents and their DC's friends.

I'm sorry, but it goes with the job of being a parent. If talking to other people affects you so negatively maybe you should reconsider the idea of having children. You can't keep them from making friends and mixing with other people.

ilovesooty · 07/12/2024 17:21

Howmanymoredays · 07/12/2024 16:37

By "real life" do you mean that when you go out and mix with other people, you unsurprisingly meet other people who also like mixing with people? Whereas the people who don't are, by definition, less likely to be there. They are no less real, just more likely to be at home, and posting on internet forums!

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I mean myself and the people I know both personally and professionally. While they vary in their levels of sociability I don't know anyone who finds things like going to the theatre or meals out with people unimaginable since the pandemic or anyone who's made their lives so small.

Howmanymoredays · 07/12/2024 16:37

ilovesooty · 07/12/2024 12:18

I certainly suspect the strangeness of people and their levels of aversion to others are much more prevalent on here than in real life. Thankfully I find that people in real life are less complicated.

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By "real life" do you mean that when you go out and mix with other people, you unsurprisingly meet other people who also like mixing with people? Whereas the people who don't are, by definition, less likely to be there. They are no less real, just more likely to be at home, and posting on internet forums!

HolyPeaches · 07/12/2024 15:30

LoveWine123 · 07/12/2024 07:47

My friend came and sat directly next to me and I just got up, moved and said “I just need some space”. Everyone looked at me like I had 2 heads.

And did you wonder why they looked at you like that? Are you still their friend?

Yes of course. Still great friends many years later. We aren’t petty to fall out over moving a few meters away 😂 but I can see some Mumsnetters must be hahahaha poor sods.

They then understood when the coach set off and the air con didn’t work. Everyone moved so they had 2 seats each to spread out over. It was the hottest day of the year so…..

KimberleyClark · 07/12/2024 14:32

Nothatgingerpirate · 07/12/2024 12:32

Thanks for not judging.
It's really just solitude I would like.

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I get that completely.

boulevardofbrokendreamss · 07/12/2024 14:08

I commute on train and tube and have to grin and bear it. Don't like it though. Hate where you have to share tables to eat though and avoid Wagamama for that reason.