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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask if you could honestly do this ?

66 replies

ChicRaven · 06/12/2024 20:22

If your partner left you, would you be able to move away and live alone, financially supporting yourself? This isn't based on what you would get out of a divorce because in this scenario you wouldn't have that security.

OP posts:
Startingagainandagain · 06/12/2024 21:17

You do realise that 30% of people in the UK live alone? so many of us have to live on a single income.

Thewalrusandthecarpenter · 06/12/2024 21:17

Yes and I have done. He didn't pay a penny towards DD and she's aware that being financially independent is a pretty good idea.

Anon12344 · 06/12/2024 21:13

Yes, about to buy our first joint house after living in just my house for 5 years and have made sure I could afford it solo if it all goes wrong. 2 DC to think about and wouldn’t want to disrupt their lives.

AddieLoggins2 · 06/12/2024 21:09

Yes and no.

No way could I afford to support myself on my salary alone.

But with my parents' help, absolutely.

SereneFish · 06/12/2024 21:08

Yes, I did it.

TotallyTwisted · 06/12/2024 21:04

You do realise that many people don't ever have the privilege of living in a two income household?

Pickingmyselfup · 06/12/2024 21:03

Well I likely couldn't buy and I would have to claim UC so potentially not?

All of my friends are in the same position too, part time work, low wages, kids. One is not married or living with the high earning boyfriend, one is already claiming UC with several children and the other 2 are married.

It is what it is, I've never had a well paid job even before we got married and had kids so other than reducing hours I'm in the same position I was when we were renting together if not better because I get half the house. Not that £50K would get me very far even if I worked full time.

banality101 · 06/12/2024 21:02

I could and have. And I could do it again if I left my current partner. I'm the higher earner and actually it's my house so I wouldn't be the one leaving.

AhBiscuits · 06/12/2024 21:02

It would have to be a little flat or something but I could do it.

Iloveyoubut · 06/12/2024 21:00

coxesorangepippin · 06/12/2024 20:52

I can definitely manage my budget and live within my means

I am also willing to eat a lot of lentils!

😂 yeah this! I lived on potatoes for about 3 years!

SouthLondonMum22 · 06/12/2024 21:00

Yes. I’d never solely rely on someone else financially for that very reason.

I’m the higher earner so it would financially be easier for me.

Iloveyoubut · 06/12/2024 20:59

allthatfalafel · 06/12/2024 20:56

Yes but why would I? He can be the one that has the hassle of moving out and away, I'll stay here.

Well for people in a different position they might have to because they can’t afford the mortgage alone or there’s no equity in the property etc. I think the post was more referring to ‘if you had to’ situations.

Catarinabella · 06/12/2024 20:57

You can do this. I did, was hard initally, but come through the other side

Iloveyoubut · 06/12/2024 20:57

ChicRaven · 06/12/2024 20:22

If your partner left you, would you be able to move away and live alone, financially supporting yourself? This isn't based on what you would get out of a divorce because in this scenario you wouldn't have that security.

I had to. 15 years ago. I genuinely had nothing. You just somehow have to when you have to. It’s not easy to rip the bandaid off! I had to have it ripped off then I had no choice. X

allthatfalafel · 06/12/2024 20:56

Yes but why would I? He can be the one that has the hassle of moving out and away, I'll stay here.

coxesorangepippin · 06/12/2024 20:52

I can definitely manage my budget and live within my means

I am also willing to eat a lot of lentils!

coxesorangepippin · 06/12/2024 20:51

Yup

BeatsAntique · 06/12/2024 20:50

Yes. My Mum instilled in me from a young age that I should never be reliant on another person for money. I’ve left two relationships and each time I had put aside sufficient savings to get out and my salary is enough to support me. It’s so, so vital to be self-sufficient. It’s a lesson I’ve really drummed into my DC.

NameChange374 · 06/12/2024 20:45

No, definitely not. I would need to work full time (currently part-time) to afford housing. But I wouldn't be able to afford to work full time because of nursery fees.
Put another way, if as a single mum I went to work full time and put DD in nursery full time and DS in afterschool club 5 days/week, on my current salary I would bring home about £750 a month.

Merryoldgoat · 06/12/2024 20:45

When DH was a partner ‘yes’ - we earned the same and i could have afforded to rent either a studio or house share no problem.

Now we’re married - yes - but it would be trickier with two SEN kids. But I could. I earn a decent amount part time, I’d go up to full time and get a hybrid job to help with childcare.

Tristar15 · 06/12/2024 20:41

Yep. High earner and own assets. Would never get myself into a position where I couldn’t support myself. Women who can’t do this end up trapped with awful men.

GivingitToGod · 06/12/2024 20:41

I've always had to pay for everything myself (circumstances) and bought my son up on my own with no support. I've never known what it's like for someone to share the financial load. That's not a complaint, more a statement of fact. That said, I know several women who would be unable to support themselves/home on their own without a financial divorce settlement or hefty maintenance

BeADinosaur · 06/12/2024 20:41

Yes and I did it.

Highly recommend!

Interlaken · 06/12/2024 20:40

Yes I could and I have.

Itgetsharder · 06/12/2024 20:39

Yes and I currently am doing so. I earn a decent wage and have savings also which helped a lot!