Freeloading CF school mum- class teacher Christmas gift - private school edition

We do something similar in our state school and the mum who organises only puts the names of the children that contributed.

I think it's pathetically petty to go to the faff of writing out 29 names just so you can leave one off, rather than just writing "from year 4" or whatever.

Especially since the teacher probably isn't going to notice, so what's it for? They're just going to see about 30 names, not go through them one by one to check who contributed.

That’s pathetic.

Parents like you do my absolute head in.

So basically, you’re all minted - that’s what you’re implying, no? And yet you care about £20 that a parent hasn’t added? And for that you’d leave a child out?
Really does show that having money doesn’t necessarily equal having any class.

Only putting nine kids on card seems unfair the one left off.

It would be totally fine if CF said actually I don’t want contribute. So is either a CF or doesn’t want to say she is not comfortable contributing.

Is there an group WhatsApp? If so, perhaps something like not everyone may be comfort grouping together for gift so as of next year you won’t be repeating.

We were asked for £20 at reception for end of year gift. I refused. 25 pupils? It's £500 (no TA gift was asked for £15 for her). Way too much.

We bought two presents and cards ourselves. My child's name was on the card from class. Tbh never got why they bothered to.

After that every family fend for themselves at Christmas and summer. I prefer it that way.

Can’t you just give £180 and say it’s from the nine DC whose parent has contributed?

Next time give everyone a date to pay and don’t send any chase up messages, you are are making more work for yourself.

Wow this thread is a bit of an eye opener! £200 seems excessive for what should be a token gift.

I have two children at state primary. We do a class collection at Christmas and end of the year. One parent usually organises on the WhatsApp group. Contribution of £5 sent to the mums personal account, she buys vouchers, a personalised online card, maybe a bouquet and if there's an odd amount left over, she buys sweets for the kids. Will split if there's a TA. One teacher told me she doesn't drink so not to buy her alcohol, grateful for the heads up.

If you contribute, your child's name is in the card. No pressure. Some parents prefer not to join in, that's fine.

Works well. No hand wringing etc.

I did it at the end of last summer term. Everyone paid quite quickly. £180ish for a class of 30 split 75/25 between teacher and TA. Lots of lovely messages of thanks for organising. I also got to know some of mums better through it.

That’s fucking petty. Let all the kids sign the card or have it from the year.
I used to do our class collection, state school, people donated and I got ALL the children to sign regardless of how much the parents put in or not.
Private school, Jesus, is THIS the kind of thing that is important?

there is a bit of a difference between chipping in 20 quid for Xmas vouchers and contributing into new wardrobe. I have 3 DCs in three different private schools (London-based is that matters) and i have never heard of anything like that (overpriced gifts/treats). Also the problem with CF in OPs post is that they dont blankly refuse to contribute but they keep finding the excuses and ask their name to be added to the card associated with the gift.

I'm a teacher in a private school abroad and this happens almost every year - parents club together to buy a (much appreciated) gift, not everybody contributes and only the names of the children whose parents paid in are on the card. I don't judge the parents for this - they don't know if the others are going to buy their own gifts separately. I do, however, make sure I say thank you to all of the children for the lovely present. They usually have no idea which parents have contributed so there are no questions asked. Slightly different situation, granted (usually the non-paying parents haven't responded to requests so the organiser doesn't know whether they have other plans) but I wouldn't judge.

Our state primary is doing £40 / child. I did think it was quite a bit but didn’t want to be the one complaining when the 30 other families weren’t.

That's absolutely loads. I bet loads of people were hoping someone else would say something first, and would then have agreed it was too much.

And when I say the teacher will wonder why, she won't be thinking 'oh that family didn't contribute' she'll definitely be thinking 'well that's a bit mean, to leave 1 child out!'

I agree, vindictive and disgusting. This is a child we are talking about.
I would have no problem leaving the adults nsme of but not a child. You sound horrible.

We had a class rep organise one year but I’d already purchased gifts for my dc so had no issues with only the names of those who contributed getting their names on the card. We did a separate card.

Our state primary is doing £40 / child. I did think it was quite a bit but didn’t want to be the one complaining when the 30 other families weren’t.

As much as this woman would piss me off, given the picture you've painted, I'd still put the child's name on the card.
It isn't the child's fault and the whole point of the gift is for the teacher to feel appreciated by the children.
She'd probably feel uneasy if she noticed one child had been left out and wonder why they've been forgotten. Which would taint the gift.
I've done work collections for colleagues before and tbh don't notice or care if people don't contribute, I still get everyone to sign the card as it's nice for the person receiving the gift 🤷‍♀️

Exactly. I did some of these at primary. Put from class. Some didn’t contribute - so what, I wasn’t about to single the children out.

100% this. ⬆️

It’s from everyone. It’s just petty otherwise and not fair on the child.. Maybe she thinks it is too much, I think it is way too much…

But it isn’t the child’s fault that the parent hasn’t contributed. I’d feel like a right tool signing a card from 9 children out of a class of 10. It’s incredibly passive aggressive.

No, the small child would be excluded because their mother is an arse.

Oh they would think much about it. Which is what the OP wants.

I'm certain the teacher would read the messages, but it's a good point about the faff - maybe just ask for messages and stick them in an accompanying card, or tuck them loose into the envelope.

I think most teachers would probably notice the missing name, especially if in a class of 10, although they may not think much about it.

The teachers must eye roll at all the parent contribution politics. They don't like your kid more because you bought them 200 quids worth of JL vouchers.