Freeloading CF school mum- class teacher Christmas gift - private school edition

Yes. No was said many times , the whole prep school assumption that the mothers want to be on the PTA and all the associated nonsense can absolutely get lost . I wanted my children to get a great education not join some WI tribute act.

PTA fundraising for private schools is a complete unnecessary joke

Maybe the mum in question is embarrassed to say no.

And the dads never got hassled either funnily enough

Is it really that difficult to say 'no, I am not contributing and will make my own arrangements' ?
The second you have said you do not want to, you will not be asked again. In this case, the Mum has repeatedly stated she intends to and fails to follow through

Speak for yourself. That said, my most treasured end of year gift over the years has been something that was handmade by a child.

Yes. I had this in a prep school and I absolutely hated being badgered to pay for something I was not interested in. Why do you think you have the right to tell people how to spend their money??? Butt out

We can and we do. It doesn't make up for the 10 hour work days, pay freeze for 14 years, rude parents and weekends lost to planning and marking, not to mention the immense stress of day to day expectations and challenging behaviour...but it's something. What sort of person would begrudge a teacher a Christmas gift of £200? Fyi, teachers/ we often spend a lot of our own money on supplies, lesson resources and gifts for pupils at Christmas and the end of year.

Not for the OP, as she clearly states this parent has plenty of ££ for other stuff when they choose.

But to those of you who presume all private school parents are awash in ££ - I send my youngest to a private school, she has a partial scholarship & I am a single parent.

The monthly fees I pay are similar to what I paid for wrap around childcare at her state primary. I've been unemployed for a while, so couldn't pay from September - I now owe the school money.

We had to use the local Foodbank several times last month. I've now started a new job and can start paying the school (plus what I owe). Awash with dosh, we ain't. Having said that, if we had this circumstance, I would not join in the class gift, but get DD to write a card for her teacher.

To be fair, I think leaving out 10+ names in a bigger class is far different than having a small class and leaving out just one name.

Come on, chocolate or booze is perfect. If they don’t want it they can just regift it - perfect time of year. Saves them a few quid. Win win.

I’m still none the wiser if I should put from the class or individual names (was going to do from the class). Maybe I’ll check with last year’s rep! Haven’t counted up but I’d say about 15-20 out of 30 have contributed so far. £5-20 for teacher and TA gift.

TBF, only about half of our class chip in for the class present, the rest do their own thing, so the names of the kids are included on the card. If it was the majority of the class and only 1 or 2 not chipping in then they probably would just say it was from the whole class.

Well there are some on this thread, who have said that receiving 30 “best teacher” mugs or boxes of chocolates is actually a pain. I can see that from the teacher’s point of view - the first year it’s really sweet, but by the time you’ve had ten rounds of Christmas and end of year gifts you don’t have space for any more mugs / are fed up of receiving bottles of wine when you don’t drink. Some young teachers in expensive parts of the country are probably still living in house shares and don’t have room for 30 individual gifts.

Vouchers are a good way to show appreciation to the teacher but give them a choice as to what they buy. They’re also (as a former class rep) much easier to organise. We’re at a state school, and for the collections I organised people could give an amount of their choosing and could still leave a message even if they didn’t contribute financially. We would print the messages off and stick them in a card from the whole class. This is definitely the best way but I can appreciate the OP’s frustration with this mum who sounds like a complete CF, trying to dictate what the card says when she hasn’t bothered contributing!

pollyglot · Yesterday 23:45

Just curious, those who have said $20 is excessive for a teacher's gift... what do people tip their hairdresser each time they have their hair done? Or isn't that a thing these days? 5 quid, 4 times a year, for example? Do parents not realise just how hard their child's teacher works to do their utmost for their kid? Is it not worth the same acknowledgement?

No, I don't tip my hairdresser. Obviously I think it's sweet if a student gives me a card or a little gift, but I always wonder if it's because the parent just thinks that's what they ought to do, and whether they are spending money they can ill afford. I often get appreciative comments from parents at parents' evening, which is lovely. And cards from my Y11s at the end of their GCSE course. I treasure those and put them up on my noticeboard!

I'm class rep for a state school and I always sign the collections and cards from all the class, regardless of who contributed. I honestly can't imagine giving this much headspace to a fellow parent, their financial situation, their spending and what they do with their money. It's weird.

Everyone should stop enabling the behaviour of they want it to change but just continue providing freebies and talking about her behind her back. Go back to individual gifts this sounds like an utter PITA. A framed picture by your child saying thank you is more meaningful than anything else with a handwritten card by you saying what you appreciate about this teacher. Why do you need a class rep, this is odd.

No.

People tip their hairdressers?

Dh is a teacher, what he'd like for Christmas is a card with a few kind words and less school WhatsApp groups doing the rounds!!

I’m a teacher of many many years and I totally disagree with buying presents for teachers

Ugh I had the same when I was class rep a couple of years ago (also private school and I think £20 is fine, we do similar).

The CF even had the cheek to message with suggestions for the gift in the class WhatsApp 😳 moments after I had reminded her privately that she hadn't contributed. She never did.

I think she was so rich she saw £20 as nothing and easy for me to just cover it, that it was no big deal.

She didn't get the teacher a separate gift either. I signed the card off from all of us as it isn't the kid's fault his mum is a CF.

This year at my son's primary school, we're all getting individual gifts (previous years, it was a voucher from the class). He had a great time choosing the gift for his teacher.

I work in a secondary school so don't receive a big gift from the class etc. However, I do receive small individual gifts that are meaningful. One year for Christmas, a student gave me a pot noodle because she noticed that I often have one at my desk and thought I must like them. I also get handmade cards and knitted items.

Just give everyone the same deadline for payment and if it’s not paid their names not on the card. Stop chasing payments. I wouldn’t want to contribute (although I’d just tell you that!).

Many years ago, soon after my DC started at school, I arranged a class Christmas collection. I signed the card on behalf of the children whose parents had contributed. Honestly, didn't occur to me do otherwise. I wasn't trying to shame anyone. But I don't understand why a parent would expect any credit / thanks for a gift they hadn't contributed to

As a teacher I love to receive cards, gifts and vouchers however I don't in any way judge parents or children who don't! If I was going to judge a family it would be on whether their child was being brought up to be kind, hard working, helpful and open minded. But I don't really judge the kids for anything their parents do or don't do and as my own parenting is far from perfect I try not to judge parents either

£40 a child is insane!! And at a state primary even, I'm really shocked. Some of the best things I've received from kids are a little handwritten note or something special to them like a shell or fairy cake from the bake sale. It's really not needed!

It's not just about money, its also the effort and work that goes into organising that people like cf just take for granted