Freeloading CF school mum- class teacher Christmas gift - private school edition

But what teacher seriously gives a second thought to the child in the instance the tight/ poor/ disorganised parent fails to bring a gift?

In fact that's why some schools say no gifts so no one can say "you are penalising my child/ giving a detention/ unfairly marking" because I didn't do the Christmas whip epround.

If this is the situation then she needs to say ‘I don’t want to be part of this I’ll sort out my own thing’. I’m sure she’s assertive enough for that if she’s holding down a corporate job. Instead she is maintaining that she wants to be included but not paying.

Therein lies the CFery.

This is fairly dramatic I know Mumsnet like to portray teachers as some of 24 hour workers with no time to even pee

bit of you have a class of 10 kids it would take seconds for you to know one is missing or to read the list.

I've collected for 2 years now (state) and I never put a minimum! Who knows the ins and outs of people's financial situations?

I always write from the whole class because frankly I can't be bothered to keep track. And it's not the child's fault their parents can't or won't contribute.

Can't be bothered this year. Someone else can step up.

In OP’s case, no has not been said. The parent has repeatedly stated she wants to contribute and failed to follow through.

Agree there should be no obligation to contribute but it’s really not hard to say that you are making your own arrangements. No need to justify why

The individual 20 vouchers signed by the kids on the back sound like a great idea. This way, you're not naming and shaming, just nudging !

This !

Also a teacher, it's a sweet idea but I have no clue how to make jam/marmalade myself 😂 that sounds really time consuming!

I'd always say a little note from the kids is the best thing but genuinely any gift is gratefully received. Especially as the schools I've taught in have quite a high proportion of low income families.

I always do

That is a very good point! Also the idea that in the unlikely event that a teacher did notice a missing name, they would somehow care and take it out on the child if a parent had not contributed is ridiculous.

I’m a teacher at an independent school and have two children there myself. I would not have spent £20 on a teacher gift. I hated all of this stuff when mine were in Prep. We always opted out and gave a small bottle of homemade slow gin which was always appreciated.
Despite the fact that they pay fees, you have no idea about their financial situation really. Fees are often paid by grandparents, for example. As a HOY, I’ve dealt with families with children at independent school who are in financial crisis.

I think you're all overestimating how much time a teacher has for reading a list of names that includes most of the class but one left off and figuring out which one isn't on the list and then having a whole judgemental train of thought about that kid and his or her parents! It's fine either way if the name is on there or not. Honestly!!

Sorry OP but your set up sounds insufferable. The class teacher is being spoilt in an overfamiliar way.

FFS the teacher knows the voucher comes from parents not the kids.

How is the child is shamed by its parents not contributing?

In fact there us nothing to stop said child writing it's own Christmas card to thank the teacher. Kids making the effort is themselves is way more heartwarming.

I used to do a lot of class rep stuff like organising teacher presents. I would avoid asking people are they going to or whatever as it leaves the question open. I say - if anyone else wants to contribute can you please pay by X date as I am buying the teacher's vouchers on X date.
If they don't pay by that date I take it they are not wanting to be involved.

I don't contribute to teacher Xmas or end of year gifts. I think it's excessive when you have a class of two dozen or more kids - I also have twins and an older child and a single parent. Even everyone contributing £5 in my children's classes is a gift of over £150! No employee in any other job I know gets gifts of this value

If I were organising something like that these days I wouldn't bother pursuring those who didn't contribute, beyond a reminder to contribute by X date, no matter what the incomes of the participants. I wouldn't bother with individual names and just write "from class 5B" etc. And I think asking for a set amount is extremely rude and presumptious.

I have to say the school stuff gets a bit too much though 🤣
like DC1 is in year 6

year 6 residential - 550’ then we as parents have fundraisers with bake sales and pay for all that to make 800.00 for the coach ??
leavers hoodies - 30.00
school Xmas disco - 10.00
and 65.00 towards the leavers disco 😭😭😭😭🤣🤣
then today we got hit with please send 25.00 for teachers gift ( 32 students in the class )
the 25,00 nearly sent me over the edge 🤣

We just have a “contribute what you like policy”. Mine is in a private school but there are income differences so it works well as people can give however much they like. It means some people make quite large donations and some people give less but no-one minds.

Sorry OP but you’re not the martyr that you think you are. If you’re not happy to do things in life if it means that you need to be congratulated or credited every single time then just stop doing them because you’re not doing it for the right reasons.

Her finances are her own business and not for you to judge or lay out for others to discuss. Just because she socialises it doesn’t mean she’s obligated to donate and her finances could be in complete disarray due to uncontrollable spending/ poor mental health or it may be that she just doesn’t want to say no to chipping in. This thread is totally unpalatable. It’s clear you have disdain for the mother but as multiple people have told you, it’s only the child that will suffer. If the child is a nice child then you should have them over because it’s good for your children to create healthy relationships with their peers not because you want a free play date back. If you were time poor or financially unable to organise the event for her then you should have said so. You speak so candidly and assuredly about her personal circumstances that surely you would have no issue with telling her this? You seem to be very occupied by the monetary value of things instead of the gesture behind it. Speaks volumes for you and not in a good way.

£20 is a blatantly cheeky ask no matter how much money you earn because it’s not the norm in the majority of schools. The fact you’ve backtracked and have mentioned a £5 contribution is clearly based on the fact you now feel foolish (rightly so) because if you hadn’t asked for £20 then you wouldn’t have gotten exactly £20 from each parent. People just don’t need this extra curricular bollocks in their lives.

Her actions have told you that she doesn’t want to partake in this, stop asking her and hounding her for money. Send out a general message in future with your bank details and say that they can contribute if they want and if they’d rather do an individual gift thats fine but payments must be made by X date at the latest and send one general reminder closer to the date and after that do not chase anyone for money. If they don’t donate thats up to them.

Better still, you could end this yearly class gift nonsense and let parents sort it themselves individually if they want to. Stop adding unnecessary pressure onto people’s lives and stop creating avenues for prejudice against children because of the actions of their parents. It really isn’t difficult.

It's tricky, because yes she is a CF, but, the gift is from the children to their teacher.
I think if it were me, I would stick the child's name in, it's not their fault their mum is like this.
And it'll be so embarrassing for the child if all the other children have contributed (via parents) and they then find out.
If it was anything like, whip round for a friend's birthday present, I would certainly not put her name.

I like this - it's polite and straightforward. Also, 'disorganised' is a pathetic excuse - it takes literally seconds to transfer money over, maybe a little longer if you need to add a payee, but it's still super fast. She is taking the complete piss.

Saaf Laandon @yohohoCrimbo

"Nobber".

😂

Haven't heard that in years! What part of the world are you from @MrsTerryPratchett?

Im the parent who never contributes to the class whatsapp collection purely because my children always like to personally give a gift to the teacher. With a collection only 1 child can realistically handover the card and this is something myk ids want to do themselves. So when the inevitable collection text comes around I bow out and let them know Ill be doing my own thing. I usually spend a similar amount to the suggested contribution so not saving any money. And Ive always assumed that only the children who contributed will get their name on the card and tbh rightly so. In this class of 10 kids where do you draw the line? If only 5 parents contribute do all names still go on the card? I think its wrong to expect other people to substitute the minority.