Freeloading CF school mum- class teacher Christmas gift - private school edition

Def give a deadline and leave her child off if she doesn’t contribute. Cheeky sod shouldn’t be able to freeload. I don’t believe she doesn’t have a spare £20 !

At all the schools that I have been involved with (private and state) donations to the PA fund have always been completely voluntary. The teacher gifts have always been from the whole class. It is nicer for the teachers and kinder to the children that way.

Rooting out the cheeky fuckers is not meant to be part of the role.

The OP has said that the Mum in question isn’t short of cash when she’s going out socially.

Would be easier if she just said she didn’t want to be included (no need to give a reason of course).

Given she has previous for ducking out of the teacher gift, I’d find it hard to include everyone’s names.

Yes it’s maybe petty, but it seems blatantly obvious that the woman is counting on the OP feeling guilty enough to include her child anyway, and that would wind me up. I’m glad I don’t need to make the decision, OP!

I would say, "deadline for teacher's voucher is tonight, if you haven't paid by then I will assume you have sorted something and I'll make sure your child's name isn't on the card." Then she won't know that she's the only one who hasn't paid.

Agree. This is the first thing I thought too. Do you really know the full financial circumstances etc?
What if teacher reads out the names in class - how will poor child feel?

The teacher will understand that if a child's name isn't included it's no reflection whatsoever on the child. They still might feel it's a little 'off' on your part, I guess that's one of the drawbacks of being the one to organise it.

I think you can just message pretty directly either her or the dad and ask if they're in or out as it's time to get the voucher.

I disagree that you’re being mean to the left out child. It’s the child’s MUM that is making this choice by not sending the money. OP I think you’re doing a nice thing by sorting out this gift for everyone. If this mum doesn’t contribute, SHE is making the choice to exclude her child, not you!

No real advice, but back in the days before Zelle, I was once given a cheque that bounced! I didn't say anything as I felt sorry for the parents, even though I got charged a fee for the bounced cheque.

I'd let it go in this case. Trying to collect money for anything can be a real pain though, one of my friends is a team parent for her son's soccer team and they organize sandwiches and two team dinners during the season. A couple of families just never contributed the requested amount for food...she knows them pretty well and they're not short of cash, they just don't want to pay. But the team can't refuse to give their hungry child a sandwich or exclude them from the dinners! So the team parents pay extra to cover it.

Her freeloading is quite global then. I would push on, lm sure there’s 100’s of other things you need to do. I wouldn’t be subsiding her tightness and cheeky fuckery

I'm with you. Leave the kids name off the card. If you don't contribute, the gift isn't from you!

have a whatsapp group which is clearly visible and ask the parents to confirm that they have paid….yes its a bit contrived but it makes the point.

I have never contributed to the teacher present, no idea if my child’s name was left off or not and don’t care, and never noticed anyone treating her differently. Would be incredibly unprofessional if they did.

State school parent here, we just put the names of the kids whose parents put in a contribution on the card. This is my 14th year as a primary school parent and it’s never caused issues. Other kids might have made a gift or chosen something for the teacher themselves so it’s perfectly normal.

What presents are the teachers getting at £65 a head? That just seems massively excessive.

But the gift isn't from her family

No. They could think, "oh it was a contribution chosen by the giver".

Everyone is assuming everyone else is as churlish and mean-spirited as they are.

BTW if the teacher gets a £180 voucher from a class of ten, they’re absolutely going to know that it was £20 a head and someone said no. That in itself is quite awkward.

Yes exactly this. As a teacher I would feel extremely uncomfortable if one child was missing from the card and it would really make me think the organizer is nasty.

I think this is quite nasty in a state school where there will be very varied incomes. We just have a collection - people contribute what they can (or nothing) and the gift goes from the class. Seems much more inclusive rather than naming individual kids.

No because this will impact her child more than her. It's not the child's fault her mum is a freeloader.

This. Next year I'd put out a message one time We are collecting for the gifts donation must be in by xyz to be included. This lady us a total cf

Then her name doesn't go on the card.

I've been form mum for fee and state schools - you're giving a gift from someone - if they haven't contributed - it isn't from them.

I think with private schools, a set amount is done and normal. One kid is 65 and the other 40.

I’d just get the present and sign the card from the families that donated.

Don’t overthink it.

If the mum comes back to you, well it’s a bit late. After 3 messages it’s clear she isn’t going to contribute.

Our class rep has done exactly this and no one has an issue.

She said that this is the list of kids who are contributing to the teachers gifts and card will be signed by them.

I'm sorry but at a private school a £20 isn't much. You have an entire year to know there's a class contribution. However as it's such a small number of kids I would just go with the special note idea.

Our class is £65 too yes you read that right)