Freeloading CF school mum- class teacher Christmas gift - private school edition

Exactly! The child hasn’t done anything bless them

@RedOrangeSky Tbh, it would be so much easier if she just told the OP that she wouldn't be contributing. She doesn't need to give a reason!

This.
The teacher won’t care.

I meant I'd probably notice but think they couldn't afford it rather than couldn't be bothered.

She shouldn’t be asking for her name to be included. Lots of valid reasons not to contribute, but nobody should take credit for anyone else’s efforts.

I hate the pressure to contribute to presents like this. Maybe she does too.

I’d say they probably would to be fair. If I was a teacher of 10 pupils and I received a personalised message from 9 of them, I’d notice pretty rapidly. I currently have 30 pupils in my class and I would notice if one was missing.

But I wouldn’t think anything less of the child (obviously) I’d pretty rapidly realise that their mum hadn’t put in the collection.

The teacher won't give a crap if you leave one name off they won't even register it so your dastardly plan is pointless but go ahead if it makes you feel better as neither the CF or the teacher give a shit

I don't understand why teacher gifts have gone so insane & excluding kids is horrific. Imagine how that child would feel - it's not their fault! My friend always forgot, promising to pay for things or turn up, but didn't. I often quietly filled in the gaps because I saw her children's faces. Like mine growing up. It's sucks to be excluded because your parent is too tight or lazy. Be a bit kinder. The child does remember.

But, I refuse to buy teacher gifts. I make a point of thanking their teacher, in person, so they know their efforts have been appreciated. We don't do group gifts. It's a state school & some parents have multiple children at the school & limited funds.

I know I'd prefer positive feedback in my office job than the generic gift & the only feedback is when the boss is unhappy. Lack of recognition is partially why I'm looking for another job.

Or some chocolates or box of biscuits

Yes but would the teacher work out that one parent/child forgot to pay and so wasn't included? Probably not.

Way too much.

£5 would be my contribution

I had one of those parents when my son went to a fee paying primary school. She never paid a bean for the annual tuition. Despite it being a 10th of the annual fee as the rest was subsidised by the French government. Despite that I had the awkward situation of my son and one of hers being very close friends. To give context to all the Mumsnetters wondering if it was a particular difficulty with finances I was told by the head of the parents committee that it was always the same parents that presented such difficulty ( as he discreetly put it). One year I invited her and sons to Xmas. She asked what could she bring… I said ( as what was common in that order of the world.. bring a salad if you’re keen). She did. She brought a salad composed of iceberg lettuce… broken up. In a bowl. And turned up to mine with her boyfriend and three children from her prior marriage. We provided champagne beer wine Turkey ham seafood potatoes bread cheese veggies three different desserts etc. She owned two properties at the time on a teachers salary and as someone who was recently divorced’ after a few years. After that experience I must say my eyes were open that there were some people who simply take the oiss. Hadnt met met type before..

If you read the post it says she can afford to spend plenty on dinners and drinks out.

used to adore? until you couldn't open your front door because your house was swamped with "world's best teacher" mugs?

There was another thread recently where a mum was asking harassing a work colleague for a donation to her kids holiday overseas volunteering. The OP had ignored several messages 'reminding' her she hadn't donated yet and was getting rather pissed off that she was still being asked when she really didn't want to contribute.

Is it possible your school mum actually doesn't want to give you £20 and just hasn't been direct enough for you to have got the message? In future, I would ask once, remind once (with a firm deadline) and then leave it.

If £20 is too much for her, she should just say she’s going to sort her own gift, instead of keep fobbing you off and messing you about and making you text her repeatedly. No excuse for that.

How do you know she is rich?

What about women whose ex husbands pay for the fees and refuse to pay fuck all else?

Yes it's far too much. But if you are all so well off it shouldn't be a problem for the rest of you to make up the difference.

Yes it is excessive but most times there is a T.A in there too. It becomes an issue when you have multiple kids in the school and office staff are included too.

Private school or not, £20 is a lot and I wouldn't want to spend that much on a teacher gift. But she should just say that she's doing her own thing / doesn't want to contribute because of xyz.

In reality OP your going to quietly seeth and not omit her kids name as it’s just not the done thing at a prep school as most mums couldn’t give a flying fuck.

and yeah the other mum’s will judge you for doing it - have you asked them how they would feel if you did that?

She most likely has the watsap group on silent as they are annoying

200 quid for a teacher is excessive. Is it to show how incredibly rich you all are? I'd be embarrassed to receive that much as a teacher.

you never know people’s financial circumstances

Except that if their child is at a private school, and you know how much that costs because yours is there too, then you know they can afford to spend that amount on something that's a luxury not a necessity. Leave off all the 'what if she has poor memory syndrome and can't remember to make the payment' blather. This is someone who thinks they can get away without paying but still wants the credit. Don't make them into the victim here. They're not and it's incredibly naive to think otherwise. Rich people can be stingy too.