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Original poster

I accidentally made old lady walk in rain on crutches- advice?

65 replies

Orangejumper222 · 06/12/2024 19:36

Hi! Need some opinions / advice on what to do next, if anything.

6 months ago I moved to a lovely house in a friendly area, me and my daughter love living here. All neighbours have been so kind and friendly.
Approx 6pm tonight, me and DD age 4 were waiting outside for her dad to pick her up (she stays at his weekends). She was excited and wanted to wait outside. Outside ours is a very quiet, hardly used lane that only allows 1 car driving down it at a time. It can be accessed from both ends of the lane and you can drive in both directions but if you met an oncoming car one of you would have to reverse which would be very tricky as it’s very narrow. We always wait outside at this time every Friday, never had a problem before.
Her dad drove down the lane as normal and stopped in front of ours to pick her up. I noticed another car was about to start coming down the opposite end of the lane, but then reversed and as far as I knew, drove away. I said to DDs dad is a car coming down, he said no it’s gone. Approx 3 minutes for him to get DD in car, they were being a little slow getting her coat off etc. During all of this it’s pouring with rain and very dark. Suddenly this random older woman appears on foot and shouts at DDs dad “You can’t just park there!” He said “I’m not parking.” and I was like “Eh? What’s the matter?” and she shouts over again not to park there. I shout back he’s picking up my daughter. I realise she must be something to do with the car that had attempted to come down and I say “We’ve moved several times for you today already” as I thought I recognised the car as one me and my daughter moved out the lane (on foot) as it was trying to come down the lane about 5 mins before and earlier on in the day too (realise it might or might not be the same people now, I’m a bit confused who lives there and who drops them off). This car (if it’s the same one) drops someone off at a nearby house and the driver normally thanks us when we stand aside etc, very friendly, polite.
So DDs dad gets her in the car and gets ready to drive off. Then suddenly this second oldish lady starts hobbling down the lane on crutches in the pouring rain. I guess they must have been waiting round the corner in a car for us to move but gave up as they thought we were taking too long / parking. It did look bad tbh seeing her hobbling along like that. DD and her dad drove off and the crutch lady gave him an annoyed look. At the time I was really confused as to what the actual problem was but I guess they must have been waiting around the corner out of sight. It just totally got my back up, the first lady shouting at DDs dad like that out of nowhere (seemed like that at the time). I know it’s just a silly misunderstanding but I feel really upset because everyone here has been SO lovely so far. Should I try to talk to crutch lady again if I see her? Should I apologise or am I owed an apology? Of course if we had been asked politely/ explained etc to move for the crutch lady we would done so straight away. Thanks!

OP posts:
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daffodilandtulip · 07/12/2024 10:07

Assuming you're not psychic. If they had got out of the car and asked you to move because someone needed help walking that would be different. You had no idea 🤷🏼‍♀️

InWalksBarberalla · 06/12/2024 23:32

I'm not sure I understand this part: “We’ve moved several times for you today already” as I thought I recognised the car as one me and my daughter moved out the lane (on foot).

Are you and your daughter standing about in a lane and then complaining about having to move for cars using the lane? Isn't the lane for cars or at least for through traffic, not for cars or people to block.

Funnywonder · 06/12/2024 23:21

Hercules12 · 06/12/2024 22:22

50- 55 is elderly?

Yeah, according to my 12yo son. He calls me elderly all the time. I'm 57. I did have him late obviously, so that's me told🤣

CandyMaker · 06/12/2024 23:07

Except we have no idea if it was their car. OP said it could have been a taxi.

CrazyAndSagittarius · 06/12/2024 23:04

needsomewarmsunshine · 06/12/2024 20:08

The moaners could have waited in the dry in their car. On crutches walking in the rain to complain how bloody stupid. I've got no time for idiots.
I wouldn't be looking out for either of them to apologise to.

This. Sometimes people have to do things that cause you minor inconvenience. That's living in a society with other people. You didn't do anything wrong OP.

Notdrowningbutmightbe · 06/12/2024 22:36

Scribblydoo · 06/12/2024 22:25

Just go say hi to crutch lady, apologise for the misunderstanding and get to know her a little. It's a non-issue.

I had stage 4 osteoarthritis and I used a cane at one point. Sometimes I was in so much pain I could have cried at any walk - short or not - and slippery paths made me very anxious. However, I didn't expect people to read my mind and I'm sure a friendly chat will help. If pick up of your daughter is at a predictable time she can relax if this coincides with appointments she may have.

Basically, it's ok and nothing a chat won't smooth over

You don't call people "Crutch Lady" unless you're ableist. Shame on you.

CandyMaker · 06/12/2024 22:32

Hercules12 · 06/12/2024 22:22

50- 55 is elderly?

It is if you are 20. If you are 90 it is young.

Scribblydoo · 06/12/2024 22:25

Just go say hi to crutch lady, apologise for the misunderstanding and get to know her a little. It's a non-issue.

I had stage 4 osteoarthritis and I used a cane at one point. Sometimes I was in so much pain I could have cried at any walk - short or not - and slippery paths made me very anxious. However, I didn't expect people to read my mind and I'm sure a friendly chat will help. If pick up of your daughter is at a predictable time she can relax if this coincides with appointments she may have.

Basically, it's ok and nothing a chat won't smooth over

Hercules12 · 06/12/2024 22:22

50- 55 is elderly?

Notdrowningbutmightbe · 06/12/2024 22:09

Orangejumper222 · 06/12/2024 19:47

Thank you. It just felt like we were evil making this poor lady stumble along in the rain and dark 😂 it took her ages to get to her front door but nothing we could do by then as she’d made the decision to walk. We just love living here so much and everyone’s so nice. I’ve seen the crutch lady before and she’s smiled at me. Was unexpected

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It is definitely not FUNNY that you made anyone with a disability "stumble along in the rain and dark"

what a horrible, entitled attitude.

Original poster
Orangejumper222 · 06/12/2024 21:51

sandyhappypeople · 06/12/2024 21:44

well if he pulled up, you then noticed another car, they then reversed out, three minutes went passed before a woman appeared who shouted a couple of times, and you shouted back a few times, he was still fiddling about when another woman appeared who had hobbled up the lane.. for all that to have happened, his car must have been on the lane for longer than three minutes.

It's not the point though, he wasn't actually parked there, but it's not like a taxi pulling up and someone getting out and the taxi leaves etc, so it was causing a temporary obstruction and in fairness they weren't to know if he was going to be 5 minutes or an hour.. so unfortunately they felt they had no choice but to walk in the rain.. it is not worth the aggro to be combative about it though, next time just apologise instead of being weird!

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Thank you, the cars pulled into the lane at opposite ends at the same time, the other car instantly reserved. My daughter was strapped in and DDs dad was climbing in as the first lady appeared and shouted. He was in and just about to drive off as the crutch lady appeared at the other end of the lane. Her house is close to that end. Yes I think because it was dark they didn’t understand what we were doing or how long we would be.

OP posts:
CandyMaker · 06/12/2024 21:50

Orangejumper222 · 06/12/2024 19:52

She was coming back from somewhere, being dropped off in her friends car or possibly a taxi.

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If it was a taxi, it may have refused to just sit there and wait and made them get out to walk.

CandyCane457 · 06/12/2024 21:50

sandyhappypeople · 06/12/2024 21:47

It wasn't the lady on crutches that shouted at them..

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Good point- I take that part back then, but still, I don’t believe OP made the woman on crutches get out of her car!

SoNiceToComeHomeTo · 06/12/2024 21:47

If you'd like to remain on good terms with all your neighbours, you might take her a bunch of flowers and say that you hope she didn't catch a chill in the rain. You might also suggest having a chat at some point about how to deal with a similar situation if it should ever arise, which it probably will - it sounds a very difficult road to navigate especially in the dark and rain.

sandyhappypeople · 06/12/2024 21:47

CandyCane457 · 06/12/2024 21:44

I definitely don’t think you “accidentally made her walk in the rain on crutches” I think she did this all to herself cause she’s impatient and rather rude!

It wasn't the lady on crutches that shouted at them..

Original poster
Orangejumper222 · 06/12/2024 21:46

Thank you for your opinions and advice everyone! This was my first time posting on mumsnet so has been interesting! I think I am going to decompress a bit. As some of you mentioned I am very feisty though only when roused (normally very quiet day to day 😂) I think I was shocked and annoyed by the sudden shouting of the first lady and felt sorry for DDs dad (he is a very quiet person also). I think I will give it a day or so and if I see crutch lady (not her shouty friend) I will calmly explain/ offer an apology / say I was confused by the shout and the situation. Has definitely put me (and DDs dad- he text me to say sorry even though he didn’t do anything wrong) off waiting in the lane so maybe find some other way to collect or at least be more aware of cars waiting. Seriously, was only 3 minutes though! 😂 (I prob should have mentioned they were about to drive off just as first lady appeared) Thanks everyone

OP posts:
CandyCane457 · 06/12/2024 21:44

I definitely don’t think you “accidentally made her walk in the rain on crutches” I think she did this all to herself cause she’s impatient and rather rude!

sandyhappypeople · 06/12/2024 21:44

Orangejumper222 · 06/12/2024 21:16

Hehe thank you. It definitely wasn’t 10 minutes though! Literally 3 mins, we always try to do it as quick as possible in case a car does come.

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well if he pulled up, you then noticed another car, they then reversed out, three minutes went passed before a woman appeared who shouted a couple of times, and you shouted back a few times, he was still fiddling about when another woman appeared who had hobbled up the lane.. for all that to have happened, his car must have been on the lane for longer than three minutes.

It's not the point though, he wasn't actually parked there, but it's not like a taxi pulling up and someone getting out and the taxi leaves etc, so it was causing a temporary obstruction and in fairness they weren't to know if he was going to be 5 minutes or an hour.. so unfortunately they felt they had no choice but to walk in the rain.. it is not worth the aggro to be combative about it though, next time just apologise instead of being weird!

Original poster
Orangejumper222 · 06/12/2024 21:35

Octavia64 · 06/12/2024 21:28

My PIL used to live on a lane only big enough for one car at a time.

It caused so much aggro if anyone blocked it.

There'd be mutterings and meetings and people would stop talking to other people.

They had space for two cars on their drive and any other cars had to park up on the main road and walk down.

It does sound like the other car went back out and waited for your ex's car to move and then concluded he wasn't moving because they'd waited more than long enough for a quick pick up or drop off,

Obviously when the lady came down to ask you to move saying that you'd moved multiple times already isn't really a response that's going to build good neighbourly relations.

Even just saying we'll be as quick as we can would have helped.

The lady on crutches is probably (rightly) pissed off that a vehicle relating to your house was blocking the lane and she couldn't get in.

The problem with you refusing to move is that if other neighbours start to do the same it'll make your life more difficult. You don't need tit for tat starting in this situation.

Thank you, the lady didn’t ask us to move just shouted that he can’t park there. Took a few moments to understand as she was on foot and initially we thought the other car drove away. Of course we would have moved if they had asked us to or explained there was a person on crutches. Yes not great response on my part I just thought the first lady was being rude and impatient I guess. It was about 3 minutes, my daughter was already strapped in and ex was climbing back in when the first lady shouted, I guess they didn’t realise what we were doing there or thought we’d be ages.

OP posts:
Octavia64 · 06/12/2024 21:28

My PIL used to live on a lane only big enough for one car at a time.

It caused so much aggro if anyone blocked it.

There'd be mutterings and meetings and people would stop talking to other people.

They had space for two cars on their drive and any other cars had to park up on the main road and walk down.

It does sound like the other car went back out and waited for your ex's car to move and then concluded he wasn't moving because they'd waited more than long enough for a quick pick up or drop off,

Obviously when the lady came down to ask you to move saying that you'd moved multiple times already isn't really a response that's going to build good neighbourly relations.

Even just saying we'll be as quick as we can would have helped.

The lady on crutches is probably (rightly) pissed off that a vehicle relating to your house was blocking the lane and she couldn't get in.

The problem with you refusing to move is that if other neighbours start to do the same it'll make your life more difficult. You don't need tit for tat starting in this situation.

Original poster
Orangejumper222 · 06/12/2024 21:16

sandyhappypeople · 06/12/2024 21:07

It was unfortunate timing, but if they were in a taxi, the driver may have refused to wait, or if it was their car and the lady drops off the hobbly lady, they may not have felt comfortable coming down and having to reverse all the way out again because they knew the lane was blocked, they obviously waited a certain amount of time for your car to leave and it didn't so they had to walk, which caused their frustration, no one wants to walk in the pissing rain if they don't have to.

Sounds like all in you were about 10 mins blocking the road, which is a bit more than a quick pick up / drop off, your response was weird though, I'd find the hobbly lady and apologise if I was you and explain what happened, if there's one thing I've learned it is to NOT UPSET THE ELDERLY NEIGHBOUR! Obviously they're not all like it, but some have so much time on their hands, the get very territorial, they know and talk to everyone and good god they hold a grudge.. ask me how I know!! It is not worth the aggro IMO.

Hehe thank you. It definitely wasn’t 10 minutes though! Literally 3 mins, we always try to do it as quick as possible in case a car does come.

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MrRobinsonsQuango · 06/12/2024 21:14

ChaosHol1 · 06/12/2024 19:51

You literally live there he's as entitled to come down to pick a child up who lives there as they are to drive down for the woman on crutches who lives there.

This. She was just unlucky. I wouldn’t be apologising or doing anything differently

I say that as someone who lives on a rather narrow 1 way road. Low point was when l had toddler twins in the back with norovirus and the road was blocked for over 3.5 hours

Original poster
Orangejumper222 · 06/12/2024 21:14

Echobelly · 06/12/2024 21:11

Forget about it honestly. I used to dwell and dwell on stuff like this and it's not worth it.

Thank you, I have bad anxiety which I have got a lot better with now, but I think because I’m so pleased with my new home after my separation and everything, with everyone previously being so kind/ polite it was just unexpected. Haven’t had the best day anyway, and clearly the crutch lady hasn’t either

OP posts:
Echobelly · 06/12/2024 21:11

Forget about it honestly. I used to dwell and dwell on stuff like this and it's not worth it.

Original poster
Orangejumper222 · 06/12/2024 21:11

allthatfalafel · 06/12/2024 20:35

If your 4 year old is going to be outside in the cold, dark and rain anyway, can you not just walk her down the road to a more suitable place for pick up?

The only other place really would be onto the busier main road, which my DDs dad could not stop on if there are no spaces, which at this time there normally isn’t. We do sometimes wait inside and look for him out the window but my DD likes to wait outside for him as she often sees my neighbour cat sat out there who she loves. Was very rainy tonight though

OP posts: