To think friends STBEXH is delusional??

It actually can matter. If one parties conduct has affected the other financially then the court would most definitely take this into account, that’s my personal experience.

what I actually meant was more a moral stance.

Doesn’t matter who caused the split when it comes to financials. Every party gets a fair award

As PP have said... she needs a bloody solicitor!!! Having them involved doesn't automatically make it acrimonious but it will make sure she isn't blindsided/screwed over..

For the sake of a couple thousand (which is the max she would pay if it genuinely isn't messy) it's worth it to have everything covered.

If he wants his dc to stay in the area then he needs to go to court for this to be argued and put down in a compromise agreement

All very well him saying he doesn’t want the dc to move too far but realistically how much will he want to give extra for them to stay

I think he has a list of wants that he won’t compromise on but aren’t legally his to keep

Don’t forget that those she considers her friends might not be her friends after the divorce.

They might have their own agenda when it comes to having her accept just 50%

I agree, but she said he doesn't want the kids to move far so hopefully once the reality hits in he will compromise (if he means what he says of course)

I have been going through a divorce for two years. We share a house around £400k my ex was awarded a critical illness payout even though he has no lasting effects which my solicitor advises will go into the matrimonial pot, he has a pension of around 100k which he can withdraw 100% and only started paying into the majority of it after we met. I on the other hand have a local government pension which I started 23 years ago in 2001. We met in 2008 and married in 2011. I stopped paying into my pension in 2015 due to stopping work to raise our family. My pension I can only withdraw a lump sum and then get an annual amount paid monthly. He is going after 100% of my pension. Despite me only contributing for 4 years whilst married and 7 together. For context we separated because he committed an offence for which he is still being investigated and if charged is likely to be sent down for around 14 years.

so my advice to your friend would be go for everything unless of course she’s the cause of the split (sorry haven’t read all op’s responses).

I couldn’t be amicable with a man who kept his whole much larger pension so that ship would have sailed anyway, especially if THEY deemed it most efficient AS A FAMILY to contribute more to his pension. Split it fairly. Thats being a good dad seeing as it’s your kids home and the woman who brought them up while you worked.

This your friend needs to lawyer up asap. She is entitled to way more than 50% Like so much more. he is hoping to God she never finds out.

She needs to speak to a solicitor, not friends

It will get messy if she doesn’t have someone to fight her corner

Something tells me that dh has heard she could be awarded more than 50% so of course he is going to go for an even split and hoping she hasn’t wised up

This is the issue with married people who think that if something is in their name, that means it is theirs

They haven’t got their mind round the fact that as a married person it is all marital property

They didn’t give away what was theirs. They distributed marital assets.

When people realise this they might think twice before putting their marriage at risk.

Ok my friend was going through a split up. She was going to agree to a completely unfair divide. I told her not to be a tool and get a lawyer asap Don't agree to anything. She listen to me and she got out in a good position. She said me calling her an idiot helped her do something. lol

There was a thread on here some time ago about this very subject and so many posters spoke of their regret for their poor frugal childhood because their mother didn't fight for a decent settlement and allowed themselves to be completely screwed over.

It had an enormous impact on posters childhood as their fathers had second families that had a vastly different standard of living.

They absolutely blamed their mothers for not fighting for them.

Point that out to your friend.
When she fights for every penny she can get she is actually doing it as much for her children as herself.

Men often promise to be fair unofficially but once a new partner comes on the scene that is the first thing to go out the window.

Hard cash in a legal settlement is the only way to go.

That sounds positive - hopefully your friend will be OK. It will still be worth her getting legal advice though. Her STBX needs to realise that from a marital pot POV, there is no his and hers - it's all theirs.

100% pensions are taken into a consideration in the division of assets. He’s totally deluded if he thinks they aren’t. Their respective abilities to be adequately housed and their mortgage capacity is taken into account.

My parents divorced amicably when I was a teenager and split my dad's pension up until their divorce as she was home with us and my dad isn't a terrible person. She kept the house and took over the mortgage as my brother and I lived there. He actually helped out for a while too as she was way behind on her earning potential after being home with us and working part time for so long.

They are great friends now and we even go on holidays together. So it's possible to find a way through if everyone just sits down and thinks about the whole picture.

I really see the benefits now that my parents are older - my father has more money in general as he kept working after they split and was more senior, but my mum had enough to buy her place and be safe as she ages. The long term implications are super important to think through too.

If he doesn't want the kids to move too far away then he needs to cough up and give them the means to stay.

Their relationship must have already gone south if they're divorcing - she needs to stop worrying about any future relationship with him and secure her own future. They'll probably end up falling out over something shite and minor anyway, so she may as well have a chunk of his pension when it happens

Absolutely it is

All assets including his and her pension and his other savings and shares etc.

It may well be that it isn't dealt with by pension transfer but allowing her a larger share of equity/cash.

She needs to lawyer up. He is trying to shaft her so why is she even worried about their future relationship she should worry about the here and now and her and her kids' future.

A pension pit isn’t like an inheritance that can be given away. My pension would go to my kid until they turned 18. It’s kind of use it or lose it. My pension is not a pot of money.

you are entitled to it as you sacrificed your own pension. It’s tough on him.

I would stop paying 50/50 and letting him add to his savings continu

Just a small thing, but it doesn’t say they’re married…so if they are not, pensions won’t come into it. But yes, if they are, pensions are highly relevant! She does need some legal advice, but if she wants to keep it amicable, she should also suggest a good family mediator, who can help facilitate good discussions and hopefully agreement about the division of all the finances, including pensions.