To be absolutely furious with my father?

I hear you, but I think the main beef people have is that the father just presumed his daughter would look after his child. It's a mammoth task to raise a kid and tbh you have to have a heart to do it. I have had kids just dumped on me to raise. And I love them and have a heart for it so it's a huge blessing as I adore the kids. But someone else is trying to dump their out of control teenager on me now and I don't want to do it. So I'm not going to. But there's a lot of pressure! Other people can't put that on you. You got to want to do it.
So my point is the OP doesn't want to do it..so that's ok. Hopefully there will be someone who will if the need arose. The dad is totally wrong to just think that ahe would do that without even having the respect to ask her how she would feel about it first. She's her own person and allowed to say no.
That's my tuppence worth 👍

"Plopped" 🤣🤣🤣🤣

I agree. I’ve known several women ( all friends of my mum) who got unexpectedly pregnant in their fifties. It’s no miracle; it’s just not heard of so much because all of them decided they were too far along the path of life to keep the pregnancy, and none of them spoke widely about it, including in two cases not even telling their grown Dc. (One had a dd getting married and didn’t want to be heavily pregnant at her wedding. It was just as well actually as ironically the DD had huge fertility issues over the next few years which she found very traumatic and would have found it very hard if her mum had a young baby/toddler.) Eta of course I don’t know the pregnancies would have resulted in a healthy birth; but that’s not why they ended

Erm no, I asked a simple questions. If the OP would be fine with her dad refusing to look after her kids if he was the only family member able to, then she has every right to refuse too. But somehow I doubt the answer to this question is yes.

Lifespans have increased due to a number of factors, including better nutrition and advances in healthcare.

Still, women had been having children well into their 40s prior to these advances. And of course men were fathering children well beyond that too.

Crikey I'm with you OP no way would i be responsible. As a side note, I feel exhausted at the thought of having kids in my 50s!!! Are they super fit and healthy? I found it tiring enough at 28 🤣

Totally agree with SnoopyDoggyDog what the hell

Soo putting the boot into the OP.

Who did you choose to care for your children if you were to die?

Some of us are not mothers ( 'so called' or otherwise) and have every intention of keeping it that way.

i don’t see a shred of motherly instinct on this thread where the majority of you so called mothers would happily watch your siblings be thrown into a care system because “I’ve had my babies already”… I cannot imagine being so cold towards another child never mind one that shares my DNA. You’re all WILD (except from the 2% that would agree with me)

Why do people keep saying it's a medical miracle?
Because if it is why am I still taking a contraceptive pill at 54? Oh yeah, because I'm still having periods.
& it would also be extremely selfish to become parents in our 50s & expect my adult children to look after them if something happens.

That was the impression I got! No wonder she’s fed up.

I do think you owe it to him to tell him though op. Every parent, no matter how tough it is, has to have this conversation with the people they would hope would step up. And if they haven’t had the conversation and got a yes, they haven’t got it sorted. In his case, the conversation would yield a “no.” You need to tell him.

Why won’t your dad be giving you inheritance? Did he say this? And the younger siblings will get the lions share? And after saying this he wants you to bring them up if both parents die?

So what you’re saying is that the OP should have TWO plans in place, in case her nominated guardians for her children pre-decease her - yet it’s for her father to have none?

Really? Why would you bet that? Surely most people with dependents think about what would happen if they weren’t around?

Statistic say 56% don't have a will.

Many of those that do might not be legal either, I have unfortunately lost most my family and found several of their wills had silly mistakes and did not meet legal criteria and could not be 'legally' upheld despite being drawn up by solicitors/will companies.

That said you can say 'I leave my kids to x' but the courts cannot force 'x' to take guardianship anyway.

Its also mind blowingly amazing the amount of people that think 'god parents' automatically get custody of the children if parents die... which is not and never has been true.

Erm... this ENTIRE post.

You are literally posting slagging of their family planning and making it all about you and your opinions on how being an older parent is being 'selfish'.

'I think risking not being there for those big milestones is inherently selfish'

Despite the fact that they could easily have another 40 years left just as a 20 year old with a newborn might get hit by a bus.

If those arrangements fell through then (due to illness/death etc).

The OP has already stated that she has put arrangements in place for her own children.

He should have discussed it with you and consider other options because it sounds like you are not open to this should anything happen to your DF and DSM.

Actually if your dad is in your 50s and you in your 30s or whatever then your children aren't even adults yet. So I'd rephrase my question as: if anything happened and your mum/other relatives weren't able to help, would you be absolutely fine with your dad putting your kids into care?

Would you have expected your family to look after your kids if anything happened to you when they were younger? If you can honestly say you'd have had no issue with them ending up in care then yeah, say no.

My knees and the rest!!

"Nikitaspearlearring · Yesterday 13:59
In your situation, the DW would have to become incapable of looking after them, as well as your dad. It's very unlikely to happen. He should've talked to you before mentioning it, but sounds as if he was put on the spot."

"lenpea · Yesterday 14:01
If they are in their 50s, chances are that at least one of them will survive long enough for the baby to reach adulthood, so it's all hypothetical now and I wouldn't worry too much about it."

Sensible words here.
They have the right to make their own decisions and you are not committed to anything - so although it was annoying of him to say it, it's not worth you getting too upset over a spur-of-the-moment remark.