To be absolutely furious with my father?

She's been told she's not going to inherit much at all.

ROFL sooo you find it fine to let a parentless kid that you don't know stay unparented and unloved, but not if they happen to share half your DNA from a father who's not much cop?

And you decide one is selfish and the other not?

They are in their 50s, it's highly unlikely both will pass away but it was stupid if him to assume you will want to bring up another family.

Hilarious 😆 you better suck it up if you wanted to be included in his inheritance

He was a shit father to her.

Those poor children. I'm sorry but whatever your circumstances, I think it is deeply selfish to refuse to care for bereaved children.
I can't imagine this happening in my family.

Assuming they will live possibly another 20 years the 3 year old will be old enough to look after itself, are you even sure the pair are pregnant? Say very loudly to all family members that you are not going to be their surrogate mother. That they are being Unreasonable having more children(if they are)

It takes way more than shared DNA to make a family. OP sees her father and his two (currently) children once or twice a year - they're barely family at all in any meaningful sense. I have no doubt that OP has friends she has more emotional ties to than her father and his family. Of course you're entitled to your overly-sentimental "blood is thicker than water" view of life, but we don't all have to share it.

the fact the father assumed his adult daughter would be the one to look out for his young children by second marriage without any prior discussion is the outrageous part of this.

If @PortaSix's father just assumes she will look after his second family of three young children without so much as discussing it with her - despite being a poor father to OP - then it seems to me he will just assume she will look after him and step-mother when they get older and need care. As with the assumption she'll just take on his second family, this is absolutely outrageous. OP has her own life and her own family to look after, and her father wasn't much of a father and deserves no special consideration for his unwise choices.

Having said that, what about relatives on the stepmother's side - where are they when child care is needed?

Also I don’t understand coldness towards a “ random child.” Children can be needy even if not related and having no background story with them helps to view them from that standpoint.

Having known people who had half siblings who moved into their home while they were kicked out into temporary accommodation, taken out of their schools while the half siblings were sent to expensive independents, excluded from holidays and generally a visitor in their dad’s home who saw them occasionally, I would never try to shame them into caring for those half siblings on the basis of a few strands of dna.

Oh, but l did...

Doesn't stop someone understanding or offering to help.
Like I said, some childless people would offer to help, as much as those with kids would and vice versa.

It's not a blanket decision based on kids/no kids.

Your exact words were “I cannot imagine being so cold towards another child”. I just wondered whether you were prepared to walk the walk as well as talking the talk.

There’s a difference between a random child and your own sibling? Bit of a difference 😂 If I was put in this situation I’d be the first one to offer to take them in

It takes more than DNA to make a family. My aunt’s children were like a big brother and sister when I was growing up. I saw my uncle’s children at a family funeral last year for the first time in 15 years; they chatted to me and were friendly, but it was superficial - there was no more connection than there would be with a former colleague you’d run into.

The level of DNA connection is exactly the same. But in terms of genuine connection, the two sets of cousins are worlds apart.

I would call them half siblings - with all the complexity that often entails.

And it’s not just 1 child it’s 3! They have a 10 & 3 yr old too! Presumably all IVF pregnancies if the embryo she’s carrying now was frozen for 10 yrs?
Their lack of foresight as 2 doctors is incredible !

Anyone taking in an orphaned child should absolutely hesitate.

far far better to be able to admit that you’re not the right person for the job (because it is a job!) than to blindly bluster in the vain hope that ‘family’ is enough to muddle through.

and I say that as someone whose grandparents should have admitted they weren’t up to the task. And also someone who is hoping they are up to the task of caring for another’s child.

Admitting you can’t, or don’t want, to do it is actually saving the child another round of upheaval when it all goes tits up.

Grow up! It’s very different adopting a stranger to taking in part of your family. Clearly you people that disagree are only interested in your own selfish needs and not those of young children with whom you share blood ties! Not interested in reading any more of your selfish drivel, so won’t be reply again!

Wow these are young children, not grown adults. Of course they are ‘family’ they share half of her dna! What else would you all them?

The ties with half siblings can be complicated.

Sometimes they are blissfully happy and bonded, but that isn’t always the case and it’s not fair to frame them as “family” in a way that minimises those complications.

Why don't you adopt an orphan then @Lyraloo? There are children crying out to have homes; finding adoptive parents for older children in particular, as these would be if they are orphaned, is very difficult.

My comment was not about that, tbh I don’t agree with people being allowed to have ivf in their late 40’s, 50’s and beyond. My post was referring to the fact these children are her half siblings and she wants nothing to do with them if anything does happen! I think that sad and awful. I wouldn’t hesitate to look after family members if they were orphaned!

Ridiculous emotional tosh. It is not the duty of a child to inherit the responsibility of raising their parents’ other children. It’s effectively forcing OP to become an adoptive parent!

Perhaps it's just that anger is the dominant emotion?

I mean, I think I would blow an absolute gasket if such a thing was just casually landed on me without any discussion!! But yes, hurt too, as if I was just being taken for granted, and as if I didn't matter or have any agency in my own life.

I think @PortaSix you have been remarkably restrained here, which is wise. I'm a person whose anger flares quickly but dies down quickly too and I'd probably have said something unwise. You're doing absolutely the right thing here to approach it in a calmer frame of mind.