To be absolutely furious with my father?

Wow. This is such a reversal of the common dynamic of people taking advantage of the grandparents! Your father sounds like an immature prick, honestly.

You’re entitled to be furious, I would be. Parents should always ask before assigning other people to be their child’s guardian, it’s basic manners.

We asked two of DH’s siblings if they’d be willing to look after our children if anything happened to us. They agreed and they’re named in our wills. It’s a huge responsibility and parents should never make assumptions, because it could be very damaging for their child.

And as @mathanxiety recommends, we have enough life insurance to ensure that their expenses would be covered. Luckily ours are older now so it wouldn’t be such a responsibility (only DS needs a legal guardian at this point) but still, they’re provided for.

@PortaSix

You and your husband / partner, and your dad and his wife need to sit down and talk.

You need to ask them if they have life insurance and if yes, how much they are covered for.

You need to ask them if they have made wills.

You need to tell them straight up that you are not going to take in your half siblings in the case of both of them dying when the kids are minors, if this is not what you want to do. If you think it might be a possibility, then the life insurance and wills are going to be extremely important matters, and you will all need to consult a solicitor and a financial advisor.

Somebody needs to be the grownup here. Sadly, it doesn't look as if your dad and his wife are playing that role.

Seriously - wtf are this pair of idiots thinking...

How about you focus on the actual issue in the OP?

Are you missing the point on purpose? OP is fuming that two people in their 50s are popping out kids and their back up plan if they die young is that OP will raise them, without asking her first. The question of whether OP would actually raise them or not if that happened isn't really the point.

I assume they are very rich? I'd take the children in in case of a sudden death, provided they promise a nice inheritance...

Everyone saying that ‘it is very unlikely that the baby will require a surrogate parent’ should consider that a baby with a father of this age, and a mother who is unable to conceive naturally because of her age ( who is supplying the egg?) has a higher than average chance of having serious health problems which may continue into adulthood.

So that might be a lifetime commitment.

I'm childfree by choice and wouldn't take on anyone else's children. No thank you.

OP they are bonkers and very irresponsible. I've nagged my AC to make sure they have a guardianship plan in place should the unthinkable ever happen. It needs to be clearly thought through, including financial arrangements and agreement from all sides. Its absolutely not something that can be left to chance or assumption.

I’m child free and with you, OP. It’s breathtakingly entitled to expect you to take them in if anything happens, without even so much as asking before they started IVF.
It makes me wonder how much of a serious discussion they actually had about having this baby?

I have no idea. She was the kind of person who always had to be right about everything.

To be fair, her partner came across as being very fit. Only after he died did we discover that he'd taken "a turn" while travelling one day and had refused to seek medical attention.

I would assume that they will already be putting a shedload of money into a trust to care for the child should they die before the child is 18. With the assumption that this money will go towards nanny fees, or whatever else to ensure you have to do the minimum for the child. If that is not acceptable to you, then I guess you need to assume that any inheritance will go in total to the new children. Unless they are showing signs of ill heath, or there are family health issues in the past, there is no reason why they cannot both still be alive in their 70s by which time the children will all be adults. There is also the higher possibility of genetic issues with the unborn child.

And you were never your siblings problem.
Just as these aren't OPs.

If she was to be burndend with them she should've been able to veto their conception.
As she wasn't consulted they can deal with it.

Don't worry about it, go no contact or something similar.
Don't let your father's arrangements take over your life, you don't owe him anything.
It's a huge decision for adults to have children, with huge consequences for these adults.
That's why I never had any.

Edited - yes, I know it's extreme.
This is how I would have been forced to react, if in similar situation.

I don't think you're cruel or harsh to say no. It's extremely selfish and thoughtless of them to continue having children very late in life with no plan in place.

This has come up in my family. I'm in my 40s and never wanted or had children. I made it clear that I'd keep in touch with the children and work with SS to ensure they were given a good home, but I absolutely wouldn't care for them myself.

OP, could he possibly have been joking? Surely nobody would assume that a relative will take on three children, one of them baby, without even being formally asked?
My guess is that he believes that he will live and be healthy forever and that any talk of his children needing care is a fantasy.

Up thread poster with step dd 'didn't think anything was going to happen'. WTAF?
Of course things happen, her dp died, we are not given an age when we drop of the mortal curve and it could happen anytime. What planet was she living on? Or even OP's parents for that matter.

I understand why you're annoyed Op, it's that word assumed that's the problem. If your DPs are still having DC in their 50s then they should be making wills and appointing a Guardian just in case, but you have to ask first if someone's prepared to take your DC in, you don't assume.

Have you made provisions in your will for your children? It's a hard one because obviously anyone is well within their rights to say no but I'd find it hard to look at family the same way again if they said they couldn't support my kids in the untimely event of my death. However I was a bit more sensitive in how I asked

Nobody of any age should be making assumptions that someone else will care for their children if they die. Being so presumptive is ridiculously rude.

Every parent should have had a hypothetical conversation with the people they think would be the obvious ones rather than merely assuming.

We've ended up with care of my DN because an assumption was made that a childless sibling would 'obviously' take him on. It came as a huge surprise to the person to discover the expectation when her sibling was terminally ill. They tried and it didn't work out at all and the child has ended up with us (which the mother wouldn't be happy about as we weren't their choice because we have multiple children of our own). With proper conversation earlier on an extra layer of upheaval could have been avoided.

Leaving aside what I might think of two people in their 50s having a baby, the reality is that it's unlikely that they will both die in the next 18 years, so the whole thing is a moot point really. They could be as young as late 60s in 18 years. It's unlikely that they'd both die prematurely. I've known people die in their 20s/30s and 40s leaving young children behind - there's no guarantees in life.

So, on the balance of probabilities, they'll be able to look after their children until adulthood.

I was in an age gap relationship. My husband's daughter was also in an age gap relationship. The result was that she had a baby when her partner was coming up for 60.

I recall asking my husband whether they had put any arrangements in place to ensure that the baby would always be looked after. DH actually got quite annoyed at me - he thought that I was hoping to "inherit" the baby. Nope!

The daughter's partner had a fatal heart attack when the wee one was about 8. Fortunately, the daughter was fine...but she had just given up her job to be a SAHM and it turned out that her partner had never made a will. On top of that, he had failed to nominate anyone to collect his substantial work pension. He had two adult children and was still paying maintenance to his ex.

It was an absolute sh*tshow.. According to the daughter "We didn't think that anything was going to happen."

Some people can just be thoughtless. I'm glad that you've set your father straight, OP. Now he knows that he needs to sort something out.