To be absolutely furious with my father?

It's not just that the older couple is expecting too much - it's the fact that they've actually gone out of their way to create another child who would not be here in the ordinary course of events.

I'm hoping that they'll stop now, but who knows?

Being childfree by choice means I don't want children regardless of where they come from. I'm in my 50s, no way would I want to be lumbered with children at my age. You can wow all you like, I would not be taking on anyone else's children.

That's easy to say when you're not in that situation.

I wouldn't want to take in anyone else's children either. I've reared mine and I didn't have them young (though not nearly as old as in this case!!)

They should have bloody thought this through before going full steam ahead!

Personally I think they are mad!

They might change their mind if it came to the reality of it though!
Just because it’s in your will it doesn’t mean they have to take them.
Did you decide this with them before you became pregnant?

Agree a conversation should have been had.
We asked DM, should anything happen to us prematurely, and she said she wouldn't take them but would arrange with social services for care. Thankfully, we are both still here now they are grown up.

Jesus Christ that's mean, they are family

The poster you have quoted has come to a decision about their child free status. If their parent made a stupid decision to have a child while in their 50s, why should the pp's life be turned upside down with no discussion by the stupid decisions of stupid people?

Save your ire for the numpties procreating at an age when they shouldn't be.

Very strong family history of cancer.

When you think of it though even young parents are in this position - both of them could die young and who would have their kids? - grandparents? Siblings? Who would you have wanted to take care of your children OP if you (and your children’s father) had died in your 20s/30s?
Thankfully most people don’t have to worry about that.
You don’t have to take on the care of anyone children if you don’t want to, hopefully you never will be in that position. It’s not like your Dad is in his 80s.

So you’d be happy to see your own siblings go into care? Wow.

Presumably the OP's husband's brother and his wife?

Why would you guess that? IVF can use the sperm & eggs from the parents, it doesn’t mean donors

Seeing the age of your own DC I can see why you were annoyed Op, if Heaven forbid their DPs died you'd be left with five young DC, that's a lot to ask of anyone.

No one should just assume a family member will take on their children. You are not being unreasonable. Have a proper conversation with your father about this. Tell him you are not prepared to take responsibility for his children at any time and he should make proper arrangements for them to be taken care of in the event of his and their mum's deaths.

The conversation should have only been about that once you made your statement, like "What do you plan to do now that I've said I won't be taking in this child? Please tell me that you have someone else in mind and put in place the necessary paper work that they are at the very least aware of what may be coming down the pipe to them"

I feel you missed a trick here by getting them to focus on what they are doing.

I am in no way equating one to the other in my next statement but wouldn't it have been easier for them to get a dog instead of going through IVF and all that entails??

Is it really ethical to give IVF to a 50 year old woman who already has 2 children even if privately funded??

They may be on their 50s but the chance of them both dying within 20 years is quite small, surely?

I would talk seriously to him and suggest life insurance for both is what is needed to make sure that if one gets ill / dies there is money for lots of childcare support.

Have you got guardianship / support in place should you not survive all your children reaching adulthood / finishing Uni?

I have a much younger sibling, parents younger than 50s. As soon as I turned 18 they put me in the will as her guardian (she was around 2) with my younger brother to become joint guardian when he reached 18.They didn't ask but TBF didn't need to.

It seems the sort of mindset that makes you think having IVF in your 50s (when you have multiple young children to boot) is a good idea also leads to incredibly feckless disregard for the wlefare of those kids if bad things happen, as they can. I'd be having a very serious conversation with them.

Agree that YANBU.
These children are going to go to school and their parents are going to be older than some of the grandparents.
It is so absolutely selfish. Maybe the 10 year old was ok if they were in their 40’s but what on earth are they thinking of? What are they trying to prove?
These children may be loved, I understand there are children in the world who aren’t, but how are they going to look after three children?
I am in my fifties, been through menopause, what she’s putting herself through all this for I have no idea.
Well, tell your father that by the time he requires care he will have to three very youthful carers to look after him!

Several things here are true.

1. Having IVF when you are in your 50s is a stupid thing to do because it's not fair on the child.
2. Losing both parents while you are still a child is rare these days but far from impossible. (I still remember a school assembly where it was announced that a girl a bit older than me had lost both her parents in a plane crash. Awful to think of.)
3. Expecting someone to take on guardianship of minor children if you die without actually asking them is rude and selfish. Children need proper arrangements in place. Nobody should be manipulated into becoming a guardian without genuinely wanting to do it.
4. Children who lose both parents while still under age and end up in care have very poor life chances compared with other children.

If I had a blood relative whose only chance of avoiding care was to live with me I think unless I was very elderly in extremely poor health I'd have to agree to take them in. No matter how bad their parents' decision-making had been, I couldn't let a child go through even more trauma if I could help. (Easy for me to say, though, as there is no realistic chance I'll ever have to make a decision like this.)

Jesus christ no - this is the stuff of nightmares. YADNBU