To be absolutely furious with my father?

So?

I would struggle to say no, but it's not a position anyone should be forced into.

Yeah sure this happened.

I would. If the alternative is wasting my own life.

That's lovely and everything. Well done you. Give yourself a gold star.

I wouldn't want three extra kids dumped on me when mine had grown up because my late-middle-aged father and his wife can't make responsible choices about parenthood.

I might, in extremis, possibly take them in but I'd be rightly disgusted with their parents for not thinking through likely scenarios for elderly parenting.

And yet still not OPs problem.

My great grandmother had her last child at 52 (having started at 15) I have a very strong sense that had reliable contraception been available back then, this wouldn't have happened. She spent months thinking she was in menopause apparently.

Utter madness to seek it out, isn't it?

It’s a huge undertaking to look after someone else’s children. Three of them. Admittedly it’s a moral quandary for parents with frozen embryos. What to do with them? But then if your DF can contemplate having a child in his 50’s then by that fact alone he’s a selfish creature. Not inevitable, but the odds are higher of parents being ill or incapacitated or dying when their children are relatively young if becoming parents to a newborn in their 50’s.

A larger issue is how this feels like another example of how, as individuals, we’re being led to believe that we can and ought to have anything we want. Nothing ought to be off the cards in our search for individual happiness. I’m alright Jack. Aided and abetted by science, technology, marketing and profit. However, this inward focus does not make us happy nor is leading to a happier, more contented society. Doing the opposite.

I think that's a bit different though. Siblings having children at a normal age and then dying is very rare. Your Dad and his new wife doing this in their 50s is quite different. It's a half-sibling conceived when they probably should not have been; not the same as a niece/nephew being orphaned in a more typical set up.

Indeed. I would take in any of our family's children if they needed it. Or any friend's. Most neighbour's even. I wouldn't see any child I care about going into care, regardless of how their parents have behaved.

The fact your Dad and his wife are in their 50s and are having a third child, is absolutely crazy! They already have a 10 year old and a 3 year old! I don't agree with women having IVF at this age to conceive, it's irresponsible. Both your Dad and his wife should have thought and discussed about guardianship, before having the 10 year old, let alone the others! It is completely unreasonable to expect you to take in your half-siblings, if something should happen to their parents. It should have been a discussion between you, your husband, Dad and his wife, prior to having the eldest child. It may be unlikely both would die prematurely, but it's always a possibility. Your Dad most certainly shouldn't have assumed. Unfortunately, this is now a real issue that does need addressing, and a honest conversation is needed. When my son was born, my husband and I asked both my sister-in-law's if we could add them as guardians, in the event we died. We would have never just assumed.

They haven't thought this through at all. It's the IVF that astonishes me.

Very different situation, they shouldn't be popping out children in their 50's and expecting his daughter to look after them when they go.

Me neither

What was he like as a dad when you were young? Was he very hands on?

Yes but having children later than nature allows knowing the increased risks of not being around as they grow, is not something that should be done without discussion with all those affected.

@PortaSix would be directly affected if they are expecting her to take on the care of the kids. They should have had this conversation BEFORE the IVF and made the decision whether to have another based on the fact that she has no intention of taking them on.

Someone being family doesnt mean that they trump everything else ffs!! Why should she have to extend her childrearing years, against her will, just because they are family?!

If they survive another 8 years, the eldest child will be 18, and could theoretically at least (though a horrible idea in reality) care for the younger siblings?

Very cheeky then! Like you I had my dc early/mid twenties and would not want to be raising children in my late forties!

Not the point but I'm 53 with a 15 year old and that's exhausting enough. 50's with a baby, no thank you!

And YANBU

Has DF/SM helped you considerably with childcare for your DC? If so, can see why they may have presumed it but it’s still incredibly rude of them to blurt it out and not ask before!

Personally I find it selfish intentionally trying to get pregnant in your fifties but each to their own.

It's putting the cart before the horse a bit isn't it. I mean there's two of them and neither of them are dead yet lol. It's all hypothetical.

Nobody has any intention of dying young and leaving their kids. It happens though.