To be absolutely furious with my father?

YANBU OP!

Yes anyone can die young and tragically leave their children as orphans, but I think sadly the older you are, the more likely that becomes.

No one should be expected to take someone else’s children in, without being asked, and you’d have the right to say no to whoever asked you this. But I do think its quite different if it’s a sibling (or other family member) asking because they’d trust you with this task, versus a couple in their 50s who you don’t have a great relationship with anyway just assuming you’ll do it because you’re related!

Two doctors who had a child when they were early twenties, and have continued to have children via IVF well into their fifties? This seems like a mad unusual (and presumably identifiable) situation. Especially as you also had a baby at 20 and have somehow managed to buy multiple properties for them both since.

I think a lot of people are missing the point.

The chances of them both pegging out before their 70's are quite slim. I mean yes it could happen, but it would be unlikely.

The issue is that their plan for if such a thing should happen is based on the OP having no plans of her own, putting her own life on hold to care for three bereaved children and just assuming she would roll with it.

They have never asked her! Its the assumption that she wouldnt question this at all thats the problem and it would piss me off massively too!

They are thoughtless and feckless and down right bloody stupid. Mother nature gave us menopause for a reason!

It’s incredibly easy to be judgemental when there’s no possibility of it happening to you.

Well yes, of course they could change their minds. It’s impossible to legislate for that. But the point is, they have, as things stand, agreed. OP has not only not agreed to do this - she hasn’t even been asked.

Just tell him assume makes an ass out of u and me.....to quote Stephen king

@WearyAuldWumman @JingleB Yes, all parents, regardless of their age, should take out life insurance that will provide for their children just in case. We had our children in our 30’s and still took out life insurance- none of us know what might happen to us.

I don't think so...You were asking whether money would make the OP change her mind?

I think you may have misunderstood my post...

Easy to say when you've never raised kids.

I beg your finest pardon.. If that was my dad & his partner I’d be making it extremely extremely clear that I would not be taking on their children if anything were to happen & the fact they have just assumed you’d do this is completely & utterly crazy & completely unfair to you & those children. Very thoughtless for everyone but themselves.

I think you’ll be ok - if she’s 50 then she will most likely live to see the baby become 18+.

they are staggeringly selfish but hopefully this is all theoretical

Indeed. I would take in any of our family's children if they needed it. Or any friend's. Most neighbour's even. I wouldn't see any child I care about going into care, regardless of how their parents have behaved.

Good for you. Does that mean everyone should do this?

I've gone out of my way to not have children. I've never wanted them and don't enjoy the company of children. I would be enormously ill equipped and ill suited to take in a child.

Why should someone be obligated to take on children that were produced because of someone else fecklessness?

My half brother and my friend were named as guardians if anything happened to us and agreed to it. Well brother emigrated to America and my mate emigrated to Australia. Fortunately DS is now 23. Personally I would only take on own granchildren or that half brothers kids.

OP has said that he was a crappy father to her when she was a child. He is a good dad to his new children though. He isn't a good grandfather either so OP owes him nothing.

Their money may all have been spent on fertility treatment. Besides, money is not the only issue. OP would be expected to manage a large, blended family. She never agreed to that.

Quite!

Apart from anything else, I'm wondering how the OP would be expected to manage financially, never mind timewise. She already has her own children to put through university. How on earth is she supposed to take on another three?

That's a bit OTT!! The OP doesn't need to do anything other than make it clear she won't be in a position to care for the children, so they need to make other provision.

The odds are that if won't ever come to that anyway.

I also think it's a bit hard to say "you don't owe him anything" of her own father. Technically no, but unless there's a dreadful backstory, a little love and loyalty wouldn't go amiss? Doesn't make her obligated to have the children!

Half siblings she barely knows, 300 miles away and sees twice a year?

"Happy" doesn't enter into it. "Not prepared to blow up her own and her children's lives" might be more accurate.

He sounds very selfish OP. Having been a crappy dad to you when you were a child and a crappy grandfather to your children, he expects you to take on the responsibility for three children that you hardly know and with no discussion about any of it.

I presume that they must be loaded - private IVF is expensive. Especially since the majority of private clinics still won't consider it for a 50+ year old. So if their money goes with the kid, you may want to reconsider?

Even less of a reason to want someone else's child foisted on you. Someone has made a considered decision to remain child free. They should not then be expected to take on someone else's child/ren.

WTF. How irresponsible.