To be absolutely furious with my father?

Yeah I’d assume the mother is somewhere around 50-52 and the embryos that became the three year old and this new baby were created in the same retrieval as the ten year old when she was in her early forties?

I wouldn’t personally have children into my 50s. However it gives me pause for thought about why not, because given the choice between being raised by a 50 year old doctor who wanted me enough to go through IVF, or a 20 old girl a couple of years out of school, I’d choose to have the 50 year old Mum. We call older parents selfish very easily, but fewer people point out that conceiving very young, too young to have gained qualifications, living on little money, often living with own parents or in laws etc, is just as selfish.

In this case I’d just tell Dad you aren’t prepared to take them and suggest he writes an alternative guardianship into his will.

That’s nasty!! The dad has admittedly acted quite delusional here but that’s uncalled for. I can’t imagine the OP would like it if her children were spoken about like this.

Would you like it if your children were spoken about like this?

Unfortunately, someone of my acquaintance lost her husband to an aggressive cancer when he was only in his late 30s. It does happen.

In the case of my husband's daughter, fortunately her child is now safely through uni and working. However, there was definitely trauma attached to losing the father.

Apart from anything else, as I said above, he put absolutely nothing in place. It took more than two years to sort out all the legal matters. His ex wife wanted half the house plus all his pension. (She was chancing her arm with the house. It was actually the daughter's.)

The daughter expected her husband's adult children to support their young sibling's claim to the pension and was, I think, rather shocked when they explained that they had to support their mother.

Through all this, my impression was the child was looking after my husband's daughter, rather than the other way round. The daughter was pole axed. I find it baffling, but she had absolutely no expectation that a partner 20+ years her senior might leave her on her own with a young child.

I think the OP meant they have no intention of the second part - leaving their kids to their own son to look after.

Addressing OP specifically (in case she needs any more PsOV) - I have one kid. I wanted more. I like to think I'd do this for any of my siblings, who all have wee kids now. But I'm bloody tired, man. There's some shit hitting the fan in my life right now and I've already cut back on some other commitments. I can also say, I have some experience as a child who lost a parent young. I've seen the effect of taking on extra kids, in reverse (my grandparents helped my Dad out, my brother was still being measured in months old) but moreso on my stepmum, who tried her best, but my brother and I both have knock on effects from this. We've reacted in different ways. She was a very stressed lady - and she chose to join the family! She had one son already. I think because he had both parents, and his mum was his primary carer still, while things were sometimes tricky for him he had a v different experience to us.

You, one, society, should not be advocating for kids going to live with someone who isn't geared up to care for them wholly and without resentment.

She hadn't said that when I posted. I assumed a half decent relationship based on the conversation taking place at a family event.

NB I still said that the OP is not obligated in any way to care for her father's children.

I don't think many people have intentions of dying young. Anything can happen, an accident, cancer or another illness. You do hear of people in their 40s, 50s dying while their kids are still dependants.

Am I the only person considering the added danger to the mother, giving birth at such an advanced age? A few posters have said that the father's wife is only 50 and will probably live long enough to see her children grow up. She has to get through the birth first.

That's a very trite and patronising thing to say actually when you aren't even potentially in this situation.

Sorry kids, your selfish Grandad and his wife have dumped your uncles on us so out standard of living will plummet now and don't even THINK about us giving you money for Uni.
Unless of course your Dad is a multi millionaire OP and the kids come with enough money for everyone - I probably still wouldn't do it though

Hell no

Can't believe more people aren't tripping over the comments saying 'if you take them in you might get a stack of cash, so you should do it'. Are they trolls and I have no trolldar? Coz that's some wild shit to say out loud.

I would not be 'happy to see siblings go into care' but that doesn't mean id just take them in.
I imagine most people would be extremely upset and distressed if it came to it.
Id want to stay in their lives, but i don't think id just be able to take in more children, related or not

A colleague had an unexpected child in her early 50s. He’s younger than her grandson. She definitely didn’t use IVF, it can happen, no medical miracles needed. Unlikely, I guess.

A friend made me guardian for her 3 before telling me. Trouble is, they live 5 hours away ‘back home’. I’d have had to drop everything, I couldn’t have uprooted them from their home had anything happened to their parents. It felt very concerning, so I think the OP needs the honest convo with her dad.

@thatsnotmyname: that's the most entitled thing I've heard in all my life!

I was childfree by choice when DH’s best mate/best man decided to nominate us to be the guardians of their 4 children, all under 5, without any discussion.

Did later go on to have DD and DH got a message from his mate’s wife when he told them about the pregnancy that we should have consulted with them because they now couldn’t have their children sent to us should they both die because “we wouldn’t love them like our own”.

I said they should have consulted with us before nominating us in the first place, that we never agreed to it and had we remained child free, might not be the best parents to a ready made and traumatised family anyway.

They haven’t been on the same plane together since. 😂

Would you be willing to be a guardian? Ie, distribute money for the care of each child regularly, from funds that would be left to them?

I was having regular periods until 53, could easily have got pregnant, no medical miracle just nightmare biology. Thankfully dh had the snip years ago and we had the dc in our 30s

You could suggest that they have substantial life insurance so that any children not over 18 can go to boarding school if they are in that situation. This might work if the children are teenagers then they only need someone to go to in holidays. If they are much younger then probably better for them to either find someone willing to be a guardian or put them up for adoption.

Even if you were a guardian you don't have to care for them yourselves, you can just be the person who makes decisions such as agreeing that Freddie can live with his friend Max's parents and you pay them a stipend from his inheritance. I am in no way saying you should feel obliged to care for them should it be needed, merely highlighting that guardianship doesn't always mean you are the person they live with.

I'm child-free and fully understand it.

If they're having a child in their 50s, they'll be in the 70s by the time the child is independent. It's totally irresponsible to assume you can mitigate the risks as you age by relying on their older own children to pick up the potential fallout of such a selfish decision.

I agree with you in a random situation that's unlikely, like two younger parents being killed in a car crash, or both of a married couple dying of cancer in their 30s or 40s, but your parent PLANNING for you to take on your siblings because they decided to have them too late to be alive for their whole childhood is totally selfish and a burden no-one should land on another.

Surely the fertilised eggs date back 11 years?

Sounds like the mother who had IVF is the second wife, so the OP's step mother. The siblings are her half siblings.